Birdparty

RU Ready to Rumble?

2005-08-22T21:32:00.000-07:00

Baby murder in a pill!

RU Ready for RU-486? - w4m - 24
Reply to: anon-90432838@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-11, 2:48PM EDT

I'm an attractive young woman who just learned from peeing on the stick that the rabbit is dead and the doctor confirmed: I'm six weeks pregnant. I am going to be taking RU-486 soon and I am looking for a man to help me through it.

I have always heard that having an orgasm during childbirth is the best pain killer, so I feel it might help with the abortion cramps. I am currently single so I need a gentle, yet firm hand to help me.

Please write me if you are that man.

Adam, the Sex Abortionist

Adam wrote:

Hello:

fit, attractive wm.. 29, 6 ft, 185 lbs....

I would love to help you and lavish you with attention, both with my tongue and 10" cock and treat you like a princess....

But, I think we have have to try pregnant sex first, before you take the 486... Horney?

Birdparty wrote:

No, I want to have sex during the medical abortion. I've heard that a long hard cock up the ass canal makes the fetus slide out sooner. It will make it pleasurable, like taking a shit.

Adam wrote:

find anyone yet to help with this..??

I may be willing..

Birdparty wrote:

Are you willing to help with clean up and the baptism? If so, I am willing to have abortion sex. But the pregnancy is not very far along. Maybe your 10-incher can help dislodge the little life inside me.

Adam wrote:

yes i would be willing to help with the clean up- but baptism..??

I have a huge fantasy about pregnant sex! Never done it... are you really horney?

Birdparty wrote:

Of course I am horny. How do you think I got knocked up?

I am Roman Catholic and just because I am aborting my child, it does not mean I want to damn it to purgatory. I want the best life possible for my baby, and that means aborting it. I want to baptize the fetus so it can go be at Jesus's side. It is not complicated, we just need a little holy water.

Something like this, only a little messier

Adam wrote:

well, i am catholic too and I can understand that...

so, how would this work.. you would take the 486 and..?

Birdparty wrote:

Here is my idea: together we somehow get the toilet water blessed by a priest. My brother has one he has been blackmailing since childhood. Or, we fill the pot with holy water from a local church. It is incredibly important to me that my child be baptized into my faith.

Fetus baptistery

Would you assist by holding up the rosary and saying hail marys while I flush? This is no dead goldfish I am sending from my drain to the toilet drain -- rather what should be my first born if life hadn't dealt me such a hard hand.

Help me make sure my baby is up there bouncing on God's knee where it belongs -- not floating aimlessly forever in purgatory.

Adam wrote:

god, you're getting me horney. i have a ranging hard-on.

do you have a photo?

Birdparty wrote:

I have attached a recent picture. My tits are a bit larger now because of the pregnancy, though, keep in mind.

Would you mind going into a church and stealing the necessary holy water?

Adam wrote:

yes, i will help and yes, i will get holy water. there is a church near me that i don't think locks the doors at nite.

when are you interested in doing this?

Birdparty wrote:

I thought Sunday would be the most appropriate time. Are you free? And do you have some clean sheets I can borrow?

Adam wrote:

yes and yes.

Birdparty wrote:

My apartment building has old pipes and I am concerned about clogging them with the fetus flushing. We can do it at my place as long as you don't mind using the toilet plunger if things get clogged. I'm concerned about using Drano -- do you think if we put Drano in the toilet that the water would still be holy?

It's better than a wire hanger!

Adam wrote:

that's fine. So, tell me exactly what you want to happen when we get togther. what do I need to do?

Birdparty wrote:

A lot of it will be just responding to what I need. I can't say now what that will be. But the clean up, baptism, and inducing of orgasm during contractions are critical.

Adam wrote:

how am i going to induce orgasm?? my cock in your ass..?

Birdparty wrote:

I would like you to eat my pussy as the fetus is expelled. What do you think? Then you could earn your red wings.

Adam wrote:

that's definitely possible.

how about pregnant sex this evening though...?

Birdparty wrote:

Let me think about it. I'm having cramps.

Adam wrote:

I would love to knock on your door, or have you come over and pull your panties down with my teeth and slowly lick you to orgasm, before I slide my big cock in you and fuck you hard, while I play with your swollen breasts... imagine how good an orgasm would feel....

remember i have a 10" cock, really... very attractive...

Birdparty wrote:

That schlong sounds humongous. Maybe you could dislodge the fetus with your monster cock and save me the co-pay on filling the RU-486 prescription?

Adam wrote:

sure, if that's possible, i'd be willing to. if i poke around enough i might be able to get the fetus out. but it will mean i have to fuck you over and over again.

i am getting so horney just thinking about it. tell me what are you wearing now...?

Birdparty wrote:

A Mu Mu and jeans with an elastic waist.

A stylish Mu Mu for the sexy abortion queen on the go

From Russia with Birth Defects

2005-08-01T13:25:00.000-07:00

Pretty Blonde seek American Husband - w4m - 22 (Embassy Row)
Reply to: anon-85945@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-07-21, 4:26PM EDT

I am attractive, blond Slovakian. I come to US to be nanny to diplomat child, but my country no longer able to support embassy or pay for return. So I must find husband in United States. I am not prostitute!!!

I seek tall, successful man who need good wife help with cleaning, cooking with ration and enjoying romantic evening. I am good with children and would make excellent second wife.

Please, no sex perverts!

This man claims to be heterosexual

BooFooLuvr wrote:

You sound intriguing. You are a little young.....do you have a mature, refined attitude? Hopefully you have no children. Are you will to re-locate, travel, do you enjoy the outdoors?

I am a very successful owner of two franchise hotels in western Pennsylvania. I have a residence there and a getaway apartment in Bethesda, Maryland. I have no children and doubt if I want any in the future.

Greg

P.S.: you would have to be a good mother to my "little girl" BooFoo (6 year old female bichone)!

Boo Foo rides in style

Birdparty wrote:

No children but have sold eggs before to gay American couple, very fertile, like chicken.

Yes, refined, work in embassy. Also junior ice skating champion home in Slovakia. Have outfit I change to wear during day ice skating, night to discoteque! You enjoy figure skating and discoteque?

I love small dog. Very white. I brush much. Your age is how many?

BooFooLuvr wrote:

I am glad you like my dog! She is pure pleasure and a lot of fun!

I will be 44 in August.

I love to dance, enjoy dining out and bar hopping.

I also love to travel, mostly within the U.S. I visit several cities every year, for business/pleasue: NYC, Chicago and Vegas. Last March I visited the Mirival Spa near Tuscon, AZ.

Recharging at an Arizona day spa -- but where's Boo Foo?

I spend a lot of time in the country: as you notice by my picture of my Western Pennsylvania home, I have several vehicles which are used in the woods and back roads.

Fitness is also important to me; I spend approximately 1 hour in the gym most days.

Greg

P.S. -- check out the pics of my new Jeep. Boo Foo loves it!

Boo Foo likes off roading, but can't get muddy

Boo Foo checks her hair before leaving

Birdparty wrote:

Greg,

I am thin, not tall, only know height in metric system!

You like spa? I like spa. We get pedicure and manicure together, no? I like do hair too, you do hair? Then we go to discotheque in Las Vegas!

You think Katka pretty? Am ex-Czechoslovakian but we divorce unclean Czechs many years ago, become Slovakian. You like Slovak girl? My last boyfriend like to be in bed with me and boy same time - you like Slovak girl??

Love for,
Katka

BooFooLuvr wrote:

Katka,

I love Slovak girls!!

I do not like to be in bed with boys, but do like being in bed with girls, one or more at a time.

Where do you live in the area?

He's sucking it in

Greg

Birdparty wrote:

Greg, I like picture very much. You very sexy. Almost as much as Boo Foo, but not complete.

I like figure skating. You like figure skate? We get four small little skates to put Boo Foo paw so she not leave out. If you don't want new man in bed with us, which fine, how about male bichone for Boo Foo? Friend like Precious from Silence of Lamb movie. We even get lotion for basket.

You like activity in the outdoor? I need fresh air because grow up near Soviet paint factory. We ride motorcyle around with Boo Foo in basket on front -- but we have to take lotion out first so Boo Foo have room to manuever. We also get Boo Foo doggy helmet and goggles for ride safety. We take Boo Foo to vet in motorocycle basket to have worm remove.

It must be hard at time for Boo Foo to be raised by single parent, but I will love her as would with any redhead stepchild. I will love Boo Foo my own.

Love to,
Katka

BooFooLuvr wrote:

Katka,

You are a very funny girl! BooFoo loves to ride my Harley...no kidding!

I am heading to the metro right now to go to Georgetown. If you want to meet me there (you tell me where, I dont know many places) give me a call on my cell: 814-932-[deleted].

Greg

P.S. -- BooFoo and I on my old bike in 2001.

Boo Foo can't possibly enjoy riding his Harley

Birdparty wrote:

Hello Greg,

Thank you for email and for pic of Boo Foo on bike with you -- she adventurous like penguin in desert. But still, she need companion from man, as I need from you. You want to get male bichon frise -- name him Precious -- he can boo foo Boo Foo, no?

Katka not have cell phone. Battery cause cancer in brain, and after Chernobyl, I take no risk. Perhaps we meet at Zoo -- introduce Boo Foo to lion! Katka like lion like Greg like spa. When we go?

Love at,
Katka

BooFooLuvr wrote:

Hi Katka !,

I am sorry for not getting back to you sooner....I have been having computer problems...I may be available to meet with you this weekend....what is your schedule for Friday evening, Saturday afternoon or evening?

Greg

Get out of my dreams, get into my car

Jonah, the Whale and the Semen

2005-07-14T17:12:00.000-07:00

JONAH is a non-profit international organization dedicated to educating the world-wide Jewish community about the prevention, intervention, and healing of the underlying issues causing same-sex attractions. If you are confused by same-sex attractions or know someone who is and desire help, please contact us for resources and professional confidential assistance.

Birdparty wrote:

I found your group on the Web and I am so happy there are people like you out there. I need help with my homosexual affliction, but I don't really know what to do about it, so I keep going out to the bars and coming home with cute Jewish boys and swallowing their kosher loads.

I know it's wrong, but G-d, it's hot and it's fun. How can I stop myself? Are you a former homosexual? How did you defeat your gay demon?

Stop me before I spread my cheeks again!

Nimrod

Elaine wrote:

Dear Nimrod,

We're so happy you contacted JONAH. Obviously you are happy being gay (and I hope your family agrees with your decision), so JONAH is not for you. If however, you ever decide that the following facts about the homosexual lifestyle upset you (these are only a few of the many stats I could send you), give us a call, we're here to help:

40% of gay men have over 500 partners in their lifetime; 20% have over 1,000 partners (what fun!)

Gay men live a much shorter life span than heterosexual men (what the hell - who cares what old guys do?)

Only 1 out of 20 gay men wind up in permanent committed relationships (who needs a loving relationship anyway when you can get all the sex you want?)

Gay men suffer 200 - 300% more alcoholism.

Queens do love their fruity drinks

Additionally, they suffer much higher rates of drug addiction, depression, suicide, bowel cancer, leaky bowels, etc., etc., than straight guys (well, you can blame all that on society not accepting homosexuality - can't you?)

Bowels so leaky ex-boyfriends are leaking out!

BTW, if you know any nice Jewish or non-Jewish guys who are not looking forward to leading a gay life, and really would like to understand the underlying pain, fear, and anxiety that led to them feeling same-sex attractions (SSA) - please give them our number. We're here to help those who are unhappy being gay. If you enjoy being gay, gae gezindt (pun intended).

Shalom, Elaine Silodor Berk, Co-Director of JONAH

Birdparty wrote:

Elaine,

I am not sure where you got the idea that I am happy being homosexual. I am not. But I don't know what to do about it. I've tried to stop, but I keep spreading my cheeks. Those leaky bowels you mentioned? Definitely a problem that I have. Onetime it spilled out all over Bottom, my little dog. Sometimes the only thing I can get to stop the seepage is my XXL butt plug. You see how this is a vicious cycle?

Can Pat Robertson stop the leakage?

What are your methods for escaping homosexuality? I go to a Reform temple, and the rabbi there told me there is nothing wrong with my cock-seeking ways. But I know in my heart that performing analingus on goys (and even on a member of the tribe) is wrong. I just don't know what to do about it. Please help me. Tell me what I need to do. Stop me before I get another cum shot in the yarmulke!

Shalom.

Nimmy

Elaine wrote:

Nimmy,

I was talking with one of our counselors about the series of messages that passed back and forth between the two of us. The counselor suggested that I tell you that IF and WHEN you are ready to give up your clever sarcasm which is obviously attempting to mask the pain and confusion underlying your same-sex attraction, we would be ready to help you in any way we could.

Please call the JONAH Message Line and leave your name, number, and the best time to call and someone will get back to you: 201-433-3444.

If you are not interested in change, that's fine - but let's not waste our time anymore on nonsense. JONAH works with close to 1,000 Jewish men around the globe so we are very busy and need to spend our time with those who don't want to live a gay life.

I wish you the best whatever your choice, even if you choose AIDS and death.

Shalom, Elaine

Birdparty wrote:

Elaine --

You are correct about me trying to mask my pain and confusion underlying my attraction to men. I don't know how else to handle it. That's why I am contacting you. Please help. Please don't write me off. That's what my father did, and I think that may have a lot to do with my anal attractions.

Please, Elaine, I need a strong woman like you or a former homosexual to help lead me out of the depths of diva despair. I’ve tried everything, even jerking off to Dr. Laura Schlesinger’s radio show, but all I could think about was Mordechai from Hebrew school. My fantasy was to be his mohel.

Dr. Laura demonstrates how to handle a gay penis

You must understand, I have tried to leave this lifestyle before and it didn't work. I told you, I went to my rabbi, who said dropping to my knees for any boychik on the street is acceptable. But I know in my heart that it is not. Please help lead me out of this dark, dirty tunnel.

Shalom.

Nimmy.

Elaine wrote:

Nimmy,

We are here to help anyone who wants to attempt to regain their God-given heterosexuality. We believe that heterosexuality is the biologically mandated developmental pathway for every human being.

The journey is tough but rewarding. Even those who don't manage to go from gay to straight find that they learn why they feel same-sex attractions (SSA) and they usually can stop the compulsive acting-out behavior which can be so degrading.

As for needing a strong woman to help - that's not the answer. We find the main problem for our guys is their relationship with their father, and then their relationships with their male peers. Mother wounds are real, but secondary.

Read the following web site written entirely by ex-gay men: www.peoplecanchange.com and then call the JONAH Message Line and leave your name and number so my Co-Director can call you back. We can tailor a program of individual and group therapy which will work for you.

We look forward to hearing from you, Elaine

Italian Stallion or Canine Calzone?

2005-06-24T16:27:00.000-07:00

Why do Italian men think they are such great lovers?

AIM chat with ITALIAN MAN - m4w - 26
Reply to: anon-80513559@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-06-23, 1:25PM EDT

Hey, interested in good looking Italian men? My AIM name is supamonta99

ciao

Birdparty: i love italian man
supamonta99: good
supamonta99: where are u from?
Birdparty: what do you look like?
Birdparty: i like italian man with lot of moles
Birdparty: what is your mole situation?
supamonta99: i have pic u?
Birdparty: yes i have pic me
Birdparty: do u have pic u
supamonta99: yes send
Birdparty: tell me about moles first
Birdparty: how many have you?
supamonta99: i have some
supamonta99: on shoulders
Birdparty: no face on moles?
supamonta99: a couple small
supamonta99: send me pic
Birdparty: where are moles on the face?
Birdparty: how many and how big they are?
supamonta99: not big
Birdparty: i like big mole
Birdparty: for my pussy
supamonta99: my dick is bigger
Birdparty: dont care
Birdparty: i like mole in my hole
supamonta99: i have mole on dick
supamonta99: send me your pic
Birdparty: NO
Birdparty: not until i here more about the mole
supamonta99: i have some moles on face
supamonta99: and butt and shoulder
Birdparty: you send me pic
Birdparty: with mole
Birdparty: then i send you my pic
supamonta99: sent

He never said he was gay

Birdparty: not enough moles
Birdparty: can i draw on your face with magic marker?
Birdparty: to create mole
supamonta99: ok
supamonta99: send me your pic now
Birdparty: i can draw mole on you?
supamonta99: yes
supamonta99: with marker
Birdparty: can i draw smiley face on your balls?
Birdparty: with finger paints?
supamonta99: ok
supamonta99: if u like it
Birdparty: and put magic marker up your ass?
Birdparty: to paint your colon bright green?
supamonta99: maybe. first lets meet
Birdparty: no
Birdparty: you must agree to marker
Birdparty: i need man with green ass
supamonta99: ok i agree
supamonta99: do u have more pic
supamonta99: full body
Birdparty: you didnt send me full body, dago
supamonta99: ok wait
supamonta99: how old are u
Birdparty: 17
supamonta99: ok
supamonta99: done

He's short, isn't he?

Birdparty: how short are you?
supamonta99: im 5 10
Birdparty: you are lie
Birdparty: you are shorter than that
supamonta99: i never lie
Birdparty: italian are short like chinese
supamonta99: sill im 5 10
supamonta99: my mom is tall
Birdparty: chino
supamonta99: im 5 10
Birdparty: italy is like third world country
Birdparty: cant even beat ethiopa in a war
Birdparty: lose to ethiopa twice -- 1895 and world war 2
supamonta99: we lost to Albania as well
Birdparty: losers
Birdparty: my mother try to abort me
Birdparty: but it didnt work
supamonta99: oh shit
Birdparty: i only have one arm
Birdparty: and 6 toes
supamonta99: ok
Birdparty: is this problem?
supamonta99: maybe
supamonta99: u really 17?
Birdparty: yes
supamonta99: i cant do anything with u, i go to jail
Birdparty: no its legal
supamonta99: no, u are 17
Birdparty: that is legal in some state
Birdparty: what state are you in?
supamonta99: tx u?
Birdparty: it is legal in tx
Birdparty: south has lax laws
Birdparty: in south they like sex with girls young
supamonta99: oh ok
supamonta99: good
supamonta99: do u wana meet ?
Birdparty: yes
Birdparty: you have marijauna to bring?
supamonta99: not me personally
supamonta99: friends
supamonta99: do u ?
Birdparty: no
Birdparty: get some marijuana to bring
Birdparty: i smoke marijuana from the pussy
supamonta99: i will. so when do u wanna meet
supamonta99: where do u live
Birdparty: homeless shelter
supamonta99: ok
Birdparty: my parents leave me
Birdparty: after abortion failed
Birdparty: they leave me at dog pound
Birdparty: i grow up first five years in dog pound
Birdparty: then they put me in homeless shelter
supamonta99: ok
supamonta99: i like dogs
Birdparty: you understand what is dog pound?
supamonta99: doggy style?
Birdparty: you know what orphanage is?
supamonta99: yes
Birdparty: dog pound = orphanage for dogs
supamonta99: o wow.. ok
Birdparty: i grow up in dog pound
Birdparty: i grow in cage
Birdparty: eat dog food
Birdparty: drink water from bowl
supamonta99: ok
Birdparty: you like dog woman?
supamonta99: yes
Birdparty: why
supamonta99: coz i do like dogs
Birdparty: i bark during sex
Birdparty: is that problem?
supamonta99: no
Birdparty: can you bark to?
Birdparty: reminds me of when i lost the virginity
supamonta99: ok i can
supamonta99: bau bau
Birdparty: you like puppy chow?
supamonta99: whats that
Birdparty: dog food
supamonta99: some
Birdparty: what kind you like?
supamonta99: doggy style
Birdparty: no i mean dog food
Birdparty: to eat
supamonta99: all
Birdparty: i need dog food to eat to get in mood for sex
Birdparty: you eat dog food for sex?
supamonta99: no
supamonta99: only pussy
Birdparty: then we no meet
supamonta99: ok..i will eat it with u on a bowl
Birdparty: you must eat dog food
Birdparty: to put me in mood to spread pussy for you
supamonta99: ok i will
Birdparty: can i put dog food in your ass?
Birdparty: then suck it out
supamonta99: ok
Birdparty: that is what i do with schnauzer
Birdparty: as little girl
supamonta99: ok good
supamonta99: so when do u wanna meet
supamonta99: what is phone number?

Smoke crack?

2005-06-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

Reggie's got a court date and a crack rock

SMOKE CRACK?? - m4w - 21
Reply to: anon-71869176@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-05, 7:00PM EDT

I GOT DAT GOOD SHIT.. HOLLA (THIS ISNT FAKE)

* this is in or around PG COUNTY

Birdparty wrote:

Are you fo real? I’m jonesin for a taste.

Reggie wrote:

AS REAL AS IT GETS.WHY YOU ASKING?

Birdparty wrote:

I'd love to get together and smoke crack. What else you looking for?

Reggie wrote:

well its not cooked. u like blow? what else u wanna give? u are a woman right? send me a pic and description

Birdparty wrote:

You’re talking crack, right? I know how to make it, if you want. And yes I am a woman. I'm good company and maybe if you give me some crack, you can stick your goods in a few of mine.

Reggie wrote:

when and where do u wanna hook up?

Birdparty wrote:

Well you still haven't addressed the original topic of your ad which drew me in -- and that's the crack. Do you have any cracks or not? Ass cracks don't count, I want the real shit.

Reggie wrote:

i been told u i got uncooked. therefore i have addressed the original. i got da real shit. how do i know u aint the police

Birdparty wrote:

The police wouldn't care if you had crack or coke, they'd just arrest you either way. I on the other hand, am not interested in any of your coke. It's the rock I crave.

It used to be the other kind of rock I wanted -- a diamond ring. But since my marriage failed after Bruce turned out to be a closeted homosexual, I have turned to crack and sex. The crack makes me feel good and the sex reminds me that I am a desirable woman. I have lost several teeth in my pursuit of the rock, but this makes blow jobs much more sensual.

Hugs and kisses,
Gloria

P.S. -- I can make a tin foil crack pipe.

Reggie wrote:

u tell me when u free....and we can go from there

Birdparty wrote:

I don't have a job, so I am free when you are. I do like to watch Oprah weekday afternoons, Desperate Housewives Sunday nights and The Mclaughlin Group Sunday mornings. Can we work around these shows?

Reggie wrote:

gimmie your name and number

Birdparty wrote:

Are you a cop?

Reggie wrote:

no.fuck no.im actually in trouble with the law right now and i have a courtdate on the 31st. how are we gonna meet if i dont have your info. i go to work all day so i wanted your number so when i get off i could hit u up one day to see if u were ready for me. im not gonna press you out about it though. its on you. u either trust me or u dont.

Birdparty wrote:

Whether I trust you or not depends on what you are in trouble with the law for. Is this just a speeding ticket or are we talking something more intense?

Reggie wrote:

i got caught with my gun. im not going to keep going back and forth typing to you babes, trying to explain to you that im not a cop. remember homie, u hit me for it. if i were a real cop, i would have been had enough technology over here to track your housing information just from your emails you sent me and been locked your ass up. i only have a lil bit of shit left so im getting rid of it as we speak. im not going to reup cause i dont know what this judge is going to try and do to me.so its no point to buy more if i might be going to jail.so if u want it, u need to stop bullshitting. either yes or no. no more bs'ing. tired of typing. holla atcha boy

Birdparty wrote:

I like to freebase out of man's ass. Are you game?

Reggie wrote:

baby you sound smoking.

u still on. email me and let me know

Fart of Darkness

2005-06-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

Looking for woman to FART on my face - m4w - 28 - m4w - 28
Reply to: anon-fart@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-17, 5:48PM EDT

I am 28 yrs old, 5'8", 150lbs, mixed race very openminded, kinky, tend to be submissive

I am looking for woman of any age, any race and any looks who has the fantasy of farting on a guy and enjoying the fact that the guy likes her fart. I have realised that I get hard by a woman's fart. I am very orally talented and love eating both the holes. Any height and weight, just be sensual and openminded!

I am open to other experimentation. I can host or travel.

Birdparty wrote:

Are you serious? If you are for real, I might be interested.

Tom wrote:

No this is not a joke. I am for real. This is kind of fairly widespread fetish especially in Japan....

Hoping to smell your fart,
Tom

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Tom,

Thanks for your prompt response. This was my first time on Craig's list and I couldn't believe that I could find someone so quickly who complimented my own fetish so well. You see, I am a fart fetishist, but in a different way. I just really like farting.

I like the smells of my farts, the sounds, and the air. Once, I even lit them on fire, but I usually need a helper for that kind of activity as singed ass hair is not a smell as fragrant as a post-corned-beef and cabbage fart. (I call that one the "Bog Hopper" in honor of St. Patrick's Day.)

What is it that interests you about farts? Do you like the smell, the sound, or the feeling of the warm air blowing over your face? Where do you stand on queefs?

Tom wrote:

Yeah Craigslist is a great place....you usually end up finding what you are looking for....finding people into farting is not that easy though.....

I have not tried anything like putting farts on fire. But sounds fun. I would love to smell your bog Hopper!

I have heard about queefs but never experienced them, I would love to though.. Here is a link to queefing that you may find interesting:

http://www.collegesexadvice.com/queef.shtml

I really love the smell and warm air blowing across my face. Can you tell me something about yourself like your age, stats etc..it is just that it becomes easier to get comfortable with you. Actually I dont care what you look like. I will definately send my pic sometime later. I am open to meeting up in a public place.

Thanks and hoping to smell your glorious farts,
Tom

Birdparty wrote:

It's so great to hear back from you, I'd call your enthusiasm for farts a breath of fresh air if it weren't exactly the opposite! What kind of farts do you like best? The silent but deadly variety? The kind that are all sound but no smell?

I have another special fart which can only be produced by eating pickled kimchee that I purchase at Vietnamese grocery stores. I call it Agent Orange as it has occasionally worked as a defoliant and stripped the leaves from my house plants.

Like a fine and well aged wine, a fart's bouquet reveals its influences. Whether it be pinto, red or black beans, my well trained sniffer can identify where the burrito came from, and whether the salsa was mild, medium or hot. I enjoyed the recent film Sideways and I only wish that fart enthusiasts like us were as widely accepted as wine snobs.

I am not a fat woman, in fact, I am fairly attractive. But my high profile position as dog groomer to the stars requires that I maintain a low profile so I am unable at this time to send you a picture. I would prefer that we get to know each other a bit more first. As you can imagine, visiting Hollywood stars would be more reluctant to entrust their pets to a fart afficionado such as I if they knew. I once apeared in US Weekly and I am regularly recognized on the street.

So let's get to know each other. Tell me more about your fart fantasies and I'd love to see a picture if you are comfortable.

Poopdreams,
Flatulence Mistress

Tom wrote:

My Fart Mistress, thanks for getting back. I started with farts when I was 14...one of my neighbouring girls did it and I loved it. I like the silent and smelly but noisy is great too. I am not that all good at telling the food from smelling the farts but I hope you will train me well!

I did not see the movie Sideways, so what was about farts in that movie?

In case you are seeking flatulation explained:

http://www.geocities.com/southbeach/jetty/5713/farts.html

By the way farts from attractive woman turn me on the most. The kind of woman who are pretty and nobody would guess that this woman would fart - if she farts thats great for me, I get turned on like hell!

I am a bit confused about your location...where are you located? Are you in California? I am in boston....I assumed you were in Boston.

My biggest fart fantasy is being smothered by a pretty farting woman who sits on my face and farts and then I get to lick her asshole and pussy. What are your fantasies and what turns you on the most?

thanks and hope to smell you farts,
Tom

Birdparty wrote:

I am in the Boston area, Jamaica Plain specifically. I do "Lion Cuts" and I'm one of the best in the nation. Many celebrities fly their animals all the way cross-country just for one of my trimmings. You know Sugar, Liz Taylor's dog? I did her. I'm telling you though, the short-haired chihahua craze is going to be put me out of business!!

I read your fart glossary with interest and determined that I am a fart intellectual. What kind of a fart fan are you?

The film Sideways is about wine snobs, I was just wishing that our fetish could be so widely accepted as to warrant a major Hollywood film. I wouldn't be surprised if my own mid-life crisis involves farts.

I think that working together we can have a symbiotic fart relationship. Much like the bird that rides on the back of the rhino, eating bugs off of it, I will produce vile farts and you will enjoy their magnificant odor.

This sounds like it might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Tom wrote:

That is one hot email! I am not an expert in dogs so I really dont know much about dog grooming as such. I guess you should not worry about being out of business, I bet you are one of the best, as are your farts!

In the glossary I am: Amiable: A person who loves the smell of other people's farts.

It would be great if someone made a movie about farts. I bet there is a lot of porn stuff around with farts. There is a lot on web, especially asian/Japanese stuff. In Japan you can get used panties in vending machines....I wish one could get farts...

Conveniently available at your local Japanese vending machine

Yes we could definately share a symbiotic relationship, you can ride on my face.....farting all the time. When and how did you discover your fart fetish?

Thanks and hoping to smell your fart.....
Tom

Birdparty wrote:

You seem to be very interested in Japanese culture. I am glad to hear that, as I too love hentai exploits, and I do not hold Yoko Ono against the Japanese anymore. I am especially fond of sushi, and after I eat a few rolls, my farts are so smelly and sulfuric that I call each one "Little Hiroshima."

The Japanese are very into bukkake, as I am sure you know. I propose we create a fart bukkake, with me repeatedly farting on your face after a nice big plate of beans. Now, there is a catch: sometimes, straining to fart as fast and furious as possible, a poop accidentally pops out. If I make a mess on your face, a shit bukkake if you will, would you be terribly upset?

In farts,
Your Flatulence Mistress

The mother of all farts

Tom wrote:

Flatulence Mistress,

Japanese have a great sex culture with all their fetishes - bukake, farts, schoolgirl panties etc. I would love to smell your little hiroshima! I would love to have fart bukkake, with you and may be other woman farting on my face. I am not into poop though!

I have attached my body pic. I am 28, 5'8", 150lbs and good looking. I am educated with a Master degree and work as a professional in the information technology industry.

He thought this was an appropriate picture to send?

I am open to meeting you in a public place.

thanks and looking forward to your farts,
Tom

Birdparty wrote:

I can imagine nothing more delightful than somehow being able to sell my farts via vending machine. I once stepped into an elevator that some one had cut a ripe one in and then left. The door had immediately closed, sealing in the odor. When I stepped in, the elevator was empty except for the odor. It was incredible, a fart like none other. I had to quickly glance around to make sure there wasn't explosive diarhea in there somewhere. I was travelling to the top floor of the building and nearly orgasmed from being trapped in there so long with that smell.

I look forward to experimenting with you on the fart front. Together we can sample different cuisines and the effect they have on the pungent bouquet of my gaseous emmissions.

In the same way that time of harvest, weather conditions, and a host of other influences affect the outcome of a fine wine, we'll discover together what ingredients create the perfect fart.

I love your whitey tighties. Nothing gets me hotter than a man in snug underwear, except maybe the smell of my own farts.

Tom wrote:

Do you want to meet up in public?

Birdparty wrote:

While I would be delighted to meet up in public, there is no way I would recognize you without a picture. Unless that is, you are the only man in the local starbucks in his whitey tighties. Send me a picture and then we can move on to the in person meeting. I am eager to meet you, so the sooner I get the pic, the sooner we can meet.

--Fart Mistress

ps coffee makes me gassy ;-)

Birdparty wrote:

Tom, where are you? I am incredibly gassy today and just took 2 extra strength Gas-ex. I had Pizza Hut last night. I hate to think of the farts that I have aborted, like fetuses in the womb, but they are like unwanted children in my office.

Help me create a loving home for my farts. Let's make sure every fart is a wanted one.

Birdparty got this idiot to write poetry

2005-05-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

Tortured Artist enjoys long walks on the beach

WM Seeks Ubersmart/Literate F Confident Enough to be NSA Slut
Reply to: anon-68747@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-12, 10:49PM EDT

Yes, this 47 WM is looking for a brilliant and literate female, any age, who has a great sex drive and is into stimulating NSA encounters. I am intelligent, professional, d- and d-free and waiting to hear from you.

Birdparty wrote:

I might be interested. Give me more details.

Bob wrote:

Thanks for writing. I'm a writer professionally and am super turned on by very intelligent females and, particularly, women who are into literature and/or are literate and culturally aware. I truly am interested in a very hot, no strings sort of situation. I believe they exist. And the idea of a brainy woman who is comfortable being a slut, as they say, with me is an absolute turn on. I'm smart and kind. 6'3", 260, dark brown hair with gray, green eyes. I'm in Park Slope. So, let me know if you wish to pursue further conversation.

Birdparty wrote:

Would you be interested in reenacting an Anais/Henry Miller/June Miller love triangle with my best friend Mindy?

Henry Miller: Tropic of Cock and Balls

Bob wrote:

While I know who Henry would be, which of you would be Anais and which would be June? Are you the artist's wife or the bored artist-turned-banker's wife? Would June support my artistic endeavors in Paris or prefer to allow me to continue to work away at them in Brooklyn? Also, would there be any of the sort of jealousy which consumed Anais-Henry-June? And do you and Mindy enjoy each other's company? Bob

Birdparty wrote:

I would be Anais and Mindy would be June. We greatly enjoy each other's company and while we would role play jealousy, I hope there is more than enough of you to go around. Do you have a picture you could send us? Mindy wants to see what you look like.

Bob wrote:

I don't have anything here, but would be glad to send a photo once I'm back at my computer at home. (Only Mindy wishes to see a photo?) Do you have photos of yourselves to share? Descriptions? Are you a writer? Mindy? Are either of you involved, other than with each other?

Birdparty wrote:

I don't have any pictures here at work either, of myself or Mindy. We are both very attractive though. We smoke heavily and that keeps the weight off. Just send the picture tonight.

Mindy is an intellectual slut. She is a groupie at the local non-chain coffee store and goes home with whoever reads their slam poetry that night, once she is tweaked on espresso. She is a total June. I once caught her trying to leave the house in a black beret and turtleneck but convinced her not to by calling her Monica and asking if she was looking to get a Gauloises shoved into her snatch.

Dildo or cigarette?

I, on the other hand, consider myself the slutty intellectual. I have read all of Anais's work, and someday if I ever have a daughter, her name will be Anais. I have plucked my eyebrows and drawn them back on just like Anais.

What about you? How are you Henry Miller? Please write in his style, and failing that, emulate Charles Bukowski.

Bob wrote:

Your email, my dear, is a howl. Really...trying to leave the house in a black beret...Gaulloises shoved into her snatch...perfect.

I can not write as Miller without effort, however, Bukowski is one of my literary idols and I try to emulate him in spirit, if not in fact. My style as a writer, though, is my own. Perhaps when we know each other a bit better, I can direct you to some of my creative nonfiction and short fiction, and you will understand what I'm talking about.

Meantime, a bit of poetry, in the style of Hank?

I sit
naked and alone in spring
at my desk

wondering
if Mindy left the house
in a black beret

or if she was too afraid
to go
because Anais told her
that a pervert
at the non-chain kaffehaus
would call her Monica
and stick Gaulloises
into her snatch

she has great legs
to frame that snatch

i light my cigarette
pour another drink
from the bottle in my drawer
hidden behind the reports
and documents
and a yellowed copy of Barely Legal

i never had sex
with
that woman

The thought crosses my mind that if this comes to pass, it would have the makings of wonderful short fiction. Maybe, it already does.

Birdparty wrote:

Oh no, it was fabulous, Bob! I was very impressed. Unlike Anais, we are not being paid by the word for our erotica, instead we are paid for our menial office work and can only find satisfaction on the side.

I'd love to hear more of your work, the more Bukowski-themed the better, and please be aware that I do not shy away from vulgarities and hope you won't either.

We all know where Bukowski's cigarette goes...

Bob wrote:

Well, fuck, then, you should have said so sooner! I certainly didn't think you would be the sort to shy away from vulgarities. Women with dirty mouths (and dirty minds) turn me on. As do women with an appreciation for sharp and gritty words. Both the ones that look the part and the ones that don't. Anais, to me at least, didn't--though it could be a function of the era.

Ah, yes, menial office work. Pays the rent. I have long made a living writing some words that I enjoy and many words that I do not. I try to make the current bastards pay for at least a week per month that I can dedicate to my own words. It allows me to do writing for which one is not well compensated. Until our inherent genius is noticed and we can, like Hank, ponder our nihilism surrounded by great creature comforts.

I'm serious about writing about this in a short fiction, or even creative non-fiction, way. It's got serious potential. Describe yourself, if you would, and would you care to share a first name?

I am attaching a photo from which you can decide that I am either (a). old and awful or (b). writerly and cute or (c). fill in the blank. I await further word and/or visuals of you and yours. I've been inspired enough, regardless, to be working on some new short fiction this evening. Bukowski themed.

Still at the beach

Birdparty wrote:

You're old and cute and writerly. How old are you again exactly? I'd love to find more of your Bukowski-themed work in my in box.

Bob wrote:

Thank you. I enjoy being old and cute and writerly, the latter two being that upon which I'd assume dwell, and the first being something about which I can do nothing but chuckle. I'm 46 (although in a pathetic attempt to conceal myself, I believe the ad and one of the emails said 47 or, even, 48. Leave it to me to age myself). Um, how old are you? And Mindy? Perhaps you'll write a bit more and share some details about who you are? Perhaps you could supply a photo so that I might experience pangs of desire unrelated to mental imagery (which is no doubt quite innacurate since I have virtually nothing with which to work)? I would be happy to deluge you with writtten work, and to direct you to spots where you could read TONS of my stuff online or even peruse my photography at some point. And, soon, direct you to the literary "sex and drugs" anthology that I'm involved in doing that should be printed soon.

As I said in my last email(s), I'd love to see a photo or, at least, get a better sense of you. I am totally devoid of detail--age, general occupation, general location--for all I know you are a well read guy in Bensonhurst named Vinnie who enjoys pretending to be Anais Nin and pimps out his girlfriend Connie as June Miller. :) Now, there's some serious kink for you.

I've been writing for a long time and have made my living as a journalist for most of that time. I write regularly for a couple of websites--both short fiction and creative nonfiction--and I'm helping to put together a "sex and drugs" literary anthology that should be published in May or June. And if I ever get time to think, I want to put together a volume of autobiographical creative nonfiction that I can assure you will be a good read.

Birdparty wrote:

I am 28 and I have a not-at-all fulfilling PR job whoring myself to my corporate masters. Mindy works as a topless cocktail waitress. We live in a one bedroom in Alphabet City and we share the same bedroom. We are very close like that.

Mindy is coming out of a deep depression and is just getting over the death of Hunter S. Thompson. It was particularly hard for her because he committed suicide, as did her favored literature professor in college. She only recently started waitressing again, and apparently her tips are down because she still has a somewhat sullen attitude with the customers. I think it would really help her spirits if you could write her some poetry that might put Hunter's death behind her and give her some closure.

Hunter S. Thompson when his head was in one piece

Bob wrote:

It was nice to hear from you. Now I know who I'm talking to. Both you and Mindy are very lovely, and I already know that you're smart and literarily substantive, so that's cool. You guys share a bedroom in a one bedroom? That's closeness. Is Mindy really working as a topless cocktail waitress? It sounds as though she would have some interesting things to write—or serve as a great character in some short fiction. Actually, as I've stated previously, my writer's instinct tells me that you'd both serve up some terrific inspiration.

I hear and feel your angst about working for corporate masters in order to make a living. There is major suckage involved in that. I've been working for a nonprofit trying to do good deeds with my words for a while, and there's a downside to all that too. I think the only way to be fulfilled, truly, is to have the wherewithal to do one's own thing. Indie. DIY. Etc.

I am swamped writing words today that leave me wonting for my nonprofit masters. However, I composed a few words for Mindy related to Dr. Thompson's passing, about which, I too was seriously depressed. Still, he was 65 and facing serious physical challenges and had contributed tremendously to our intellectual lives. He apparently had been really depressed about falling apart physically and about observing the fascist takeover of America masquerading as the Bush Administration. There are only so many times, I think, that one cares to go around the same track.

Praying for the death of Dr. Thompson

The poem is below, although if it suck or is not on target, no need to share.

We were somewhere
around Barstow
on the edge of the desert
when the drugs began to take hold.

Indeed.

She ponders these words
their meaning

The doctor gone
by his own hand
but on his own terms
the way
it should be

His legacy—
words
knowledge
wisdom
and the ability
to say

Fuck you

with a smile
and a sense of irony

She vows to smile
because
the dickheads
tip a lot better
when she smiles

They are so busy
lusting
after her tits
watching the sway of her hips
as she walks with their drinks

That they have no idea
she is a fan
of the Doctor

They do not know
what it means
to be gonzo

Because

They wouldn't know
the onset of drugs
in the desert
if this sensation came up
and bit them on their
little banker-lawyer-tourist-wannabe has been rock star brains
marinating in
Stoly

She laughs
knowingly
because

The joke is on them
The joke is on us

because

the doctor
did
it
his
way

after he'd said
most everything
he had to
say

Sooo...the poem was okay or not? Totally unrelated question--are either of you guys in New Order, playing at the Hammerstein on May 5 out of curiousity?

Birdparty wrote:

New Order the band? I have always been more of an INXS fan. When their lead singer died of autoerotic asphyxiation, it led me to try it a few times myself.

I loved your poem and printed out a copy for our fridge. Mindy is again masturbating regularly, I am pleased to report. Do you have any other sources of obscene inspiration?

Bob wrote:

Well, I am certainly glad to know that Mindy is using her fingers and any other devices of which she might be fond to bring herself erotic pleasure. Although, I must say that it beyond me that either of you should resort to autoerotic pursuits, unless it is strictly for extracurricular pleasure. I would hope that there would no shortage of nice men with talented tongues and hands and strong, capable erections interested in making sure that you are both satisfied. And that both of you, in turn, possess cunts of such tightness, wetness and warmth (not to mention mouths and talented hands) that your men are very, very satisfied.

I can write erotically for you (after clearing the decks of my own short fiction deadline tomorrow) if you provide me with some inuput as to your turnons, the positions you enjoy most, any intimate details about your respective cunts that would help, the sorts of cocks you like best (thick, long and thin, curved, etc), what you are like when you cum (quiet and trembly, loud and groany, screaming, spasming, etc.). In effect, if you can provide me with inspiration and detail, I will work hard not to disappoint you. Do you masturbate together? Masturbate each other? Have sex with each other? Share lovers? Have threesomes? I don't ask any of these questions solely for voyeuristic reasons. I am thinking of some customized obscene writing/inspiration here.

Farkuckt on the Roof

2005-05-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

Forget JDate, God's chosen people choose a free dating site

Looking to Pay a Pretty Jewish Girl - m4w - 33
Reply to: anon-72835528@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-11, 3:03PM EDT

Want to get paid for your time and have fun in the process? This is the best job opportunity ever. I own my own business, I am clean and a gentleman. I am Jewish but have never been with a Jewish woman.

Birdparty wrote:

Be a mensch. Try a nice Jewish girl.

Why have you been banging all these dirty shiksas? I don't even like to kiss a man who has put sausage in his mouth within the last two months.

While I'm not a "No Chupa, No Shtoopa" kinda gal, I do need details on the Jew who wants to pay me for sex. How much money are we talking? Reform, Conservative or Orthodox? What sex acts are you interested in? How observant are you? Are you into kinky stuff? I am. Tell me what you're into. Where do you live? And, why have you been banging only goy girls?

Hope to hear back from you,
Rachel

P.S. -- If you have anything even RESEMBLING a foreskin, forget it!

Jacob wrote:

Hi Rachel. I like your response. Thinking about taking your advice. I am businessman with my own company. I have attached a photo, let me know if you're interested.

J.

Dildo depot or curling iron collection?

Birdparty wrote:

What sort of business do you own? A sex shop? I notice a large collection of dildos and vibrators behind you in the picture you sent. I hope they are kosher.

Also, you did not answer any questions from my previous email. Please address all of them. And tell me how much gelt I'm getting for handling your shvantz.

Jacob wrote:

I am a partner in a research and development corporation. We bring new products to market using a proprietary technology we own (22 patents). I have a staff of engineers who do the actual inventing. I handle the marketing and international business.

I am a non-practicing Jew. An atheist to be candid (not sure if this rules me out in your eyes). I live in West Roxbury/Brookline. I can answer the gelt question only after I've seen a photo. . .

Jacob

P.S. -- The items in background of that photo are cordless curling irons.

Birdparty wrote:

Are you fucking with me, you self-hating Jew? I may be orthodox, but I know sex toys when I see one. I first used a dreidel as a clit stimulator when I was in Hebrew school -- I'm not temimesdik when it comes to dick. Do you think I'm sitting in a milk bath in a West Bank settlement?

When Hebrew school gets boring...

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

I am not a self hating Jew. Be kind. Those are not sex toys, they are cordless curling irons. My company is at www.[deleted].com go to the hair care site if you like.

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Looking more closely at the vibrator and dildo collection behind you, I suppose that it is possible that they are merely curling irons. Do you ever use them as sex toys? As I told you, I first started masturbating with a dreidel in Hebrew school and since then I have penetrated myself with a menorah.

A sex toy for eight!

I am into kinky sex, but I like to keep it Judaica-themed, in deference to G-d. How Jewish-themed can you go?

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

I like that you're kinky. Are you pulling my leg with the Judaica-Themed erotica? Would you like me to tie you up with a Talis and play Hide the Afikomen?

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

I am not pulling your leg. Your cock maybe, but not your leg. I want your Torah in my arc. With a matzah lubricant. I love my religion and I love sex -- why should I keep the two separated?

I will tie you up so tight in that talis, and I'll tie your cock and balls up with it too just for a little Jewish CBT. I think you know where I'll hide the afikomen. Would you rather fish it out of my snatch with your tongue or schlong?

So tell me Jacob, how were you raised -- Orthodox, conservative, reform? Why did you stray? You don't believe in G-d, but do you maintain a cultural Jewish identity? Will you at least wear a yarmulke while you fuck me?

Jacob wrote:

Rachel.

Matzah lubricant?

My parents raised my to be Jewish. I went to Hebrew school but decided not to be Bar Mitzvahed. I do not believe in an external ominpotent being. I believe the Judeo-Christian God is just the lastest myth in a history of mythos (Greeks, Aztecs etc). I do understand and admire the history of the Jews and do also find some kindred familiarity with people of like culture. I do not wear a Yarmulke because it would be hypocritical.

You crack me up. If you are serious (i have my doubts) we can meet for a drink to see if there's chemistry

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Jacob,

I respect your position on what you term today's "Judeo-Christian God," especially the Christian part, as those Jesus freaks are worshipping a fraudulent Messiah and celebrating him with bizarre Pagan rituals. As I respect your position, I request you respect mine. And my favored position is Cowgirl. How about if I ride you while spinning driedels on your nipples? I understand why you believe it would be hypocritical for you to wear a yarmulke, and I concur, but I feel that we can make an exception for Judiaca-themed sexcapades. I dated a furvert for a while, who required me to wear a Daisy Duck costume from time to time. I was not making any sort of claim to be a duck, and I don't feel you would be falsely presenting yourself as an observant Jew if you wore a yarmulke during sex.

Duckparty for Birdparty

What I really like is for guys to pull out a moment before ejaculation and squirt their kosher spooge right into the yarmulke. During Hanukah, I like my man to put the yarmulke back on his head as we light the Menorah at dusk.

Enough about my sexual fantasies. I would love to meet you for a drink, kosher of course. Why do you suspect that I am a fraud? I assure you that I am not. I assume that you'll want to be convinced of this before we meet, so feel free to ask me anything you like so I can disabuse you of this notion that I am somehow not for real.

I know a kinky Orthodox girl is not common. And indeed I was repeatedly labeled a slut for offering oral services to the rabbi at my bat mitzvah. I know this is not common, or really even normal, but I assure you I am what I am: an observant girl whose Orthodoxy rivals only her intense sexuality.

Rachel

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

You are cute. If you would like to meet for a drink to prove the veracity of your existence and your sexual predilections then I am game. What day is good?

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Jacob,

How about Wednesday or Thursday? Where are you located and where can we have this drink? I ask only that the bar serve Manischewitz wine.

Choosy Jews choose Manischewitz

What about my proposed ideas? Please address each of the following:

- Me on top spinning driedels on your nips
- Wearing a yarmulke while fucking me
- Jizzing into the yarmulke
- Placing the yarmulke back on your head after you squirt your kosher love juice into it

Are any of these outside your comfort zone? If so, why? Do you have any other suggested Jewish sex acts we could engage in? What's the kinkiest thing you can think of to do with a mezuzah?

Love,
Rachel

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

Think of this as an opportunity to bring a Jew back into the fold (at least sexually). What I can I offer as recompense?

Wednesday evening would be fine. I live on the West Roxbury/Brookline border. I can meet you at the upscale bar up the street from my house or somewhere in Boston if you prefer.

- Me on top spinning driedels on your nips--This is fine
- Wearing a yarmulke while fucking me--Possibly
- Jizzing into the yarmulke--I prefer to cum inside of whichever orfice I am in at the time
- Placing the yarmulke back on your head after you squirt your kosher love juice into it--Not going to happen

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Jacob --

I am sorry to hear that you are so sexually inhibited. To be honest, it is a real turn-off for me. Why do you refuse to jizz in a yarmulke and then let me place it on your head? I think that even G-d would be skeptical of your reticence to wear a yarmulke.

If you are to place your Torah in my arc, you must make at least a few Jewsex concessions to me. What are they?

Rachel

Bill says a yarmulke is a better receptacle than a blue dress

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

I am happy to cum on a yarmulke but am not interested in putting it on my head afterward (will you lick it clean if it goes on my head?--that might change my mind).

I would be happy to say a bracha while giving it to you from behind (I think I remember enough Hebrew), would that interest you? How would you like me to drink Manchechevitz from your sacred watering hole?

Want to bring a Jew into the embrace of a Jewess for the first time?

Jacob

Steak with a man marinade

2005-05-16T17:11:00.000-07:00

Forget the toupee, where’s the beef?

sex after steak - m4w - 29
Reply to: anon-6359@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-06, 12:17AM CDT

I am about to sit down and eat a steak. It's been a really good day for me, and I'd like to top off the day with some NSA fun, at least oral sex, if not more. I'm a playful guy who likes to let my hands wander and explore, all while making sure we both have fun.

Birdparty wrote:

Can we incorporate the steak into our sexcapades? If not, I ain't interested.

Steven wrote:

Of course we can incorporate the steak into our sexcapades! That would make sex even more yummy! (sorry, bad joke I know). I can host for steak fun, but only later in the evening.

Ms. Birdparty prefers her meat bloody

Birdparty wrote:

Can I rub a raw steak all over your giant forehead, then have you fuck me with that raw slab of meat?

Steven wrote:

That would be just fine. Like I say, i'm always willing to try something new. So the steak rubbing is fine.

Birdparty wrote:

I love meat and poultry and see no reason why they cannot be incorporated into sex. I like to take chicken hearts and gizzards and shove them right up a man's ass. We would use gravy as lubricant, of course.

Jar o' pickled gizzards, a.k.a., ben wa balls

Steven wrote:

You can spank me with the steak if you want to. Shoving things up my ass sounds hot!

Birdparty wrote:

I am so glad you are open to food play. So few men are these days. Since you like to have things inserted in your ass, how about if I give you a humus enema? If there is any mess, I will clean it up with some pita bread and make a sandwich with it for my daughter.

Where's the hummus?

When can you do this? I would prefer you host, because of my daughter, but if necessary we could perhaps have some food fun while she's at school. Do you want to masturbate into her lunch box?

Steven wrote:

I'd love to host (and do some stuff in that lunchbox)! But I have to tell you that I don't let just anyone shove food up my ass until I trust them completely first. That's a sensitive area, so I need to be careful with it.

Birdparty wrote:

I like raunchy food play. The whole reason I wrote you was your mention of steaks. I am very disappointed at your reluctance to allow me to give you a hummus enema. It's kind of a deal breaker for me.

Steven wrote:

Okay-

I'll let you give me the hummus enema, but I get to fuck you with a cucumber, and slide it in and out of your cunt until I'm satisfied you've had enough.

Birdparty wrote:

I love cuCUMbers, and you may ream me with one, but you must use the special one I grew in my "garden." I've attached a picture of myself with it.

Forget the glasses, cucumbers are better for bags under the eyes!

Since you get to put a cumumber into me, I get to have some fun too. I want to put pepperoni slices over your eyes, blinding you, and then apply peanut butter and grape jelly to your bald head. Then I want you to take that PB&J dome of yours and rub it all over my microwave oven.

When is your availability?

Peanut butter and jelly on white bread

Steven wrote:

I love your food ideas! You are one kinky and culinary girl! And your pic with the cucumber is hotter than green curry at a Thai restaurant (a possible anal lube?).

I'm usually free late in the evenings, or on the weekends. My place really isn't the best for hosting... so hopefully you have a place we can go.

If you didn't already find Birdparty disturbing...

2005-05-10T23:59:00.000-07:00

George Costanza daddy seeks daughter

daddy daughter sex anyone? - m4w - 37
Reply to: anon-67898519@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-11, 9:48AM CDT

has thinking about daddy daughter sex really turning you on?im a 37 yr man who is looking for my young daughter so daddy can have his way with her.If interested in this type of scenerio contact me with info on how to contact you and a pic would be nice .Ill see you soon honey DADDY

Birdparty wrote:

I've been a good girl and I think I deserve a nice lollipop to suck for my efforts. Tell me more about what you had in mind.

eddy wrote:

hi baby girl daddy has missed you,daddy has a big lollipop for you to suck on if you are good girl today.Daddy cant wait until we get together.Daddy wants to give his litter girl a bath and wash all her dirty little spots that she misses when she bathes herself.Daddy wants to help his baby girl dress up in those naughty little outfits she has too.Can you send daddy a picture with your clothes off honey?After a long day daddy wants to tuck you into bed and then when your almost asleep daddy will climb in bed next to you and rub on your titties and sweet pussy,and you will say oh daddy ive missed you so much and i will bring your hand towards my cock and ask you to rub it for daddy.Now your pussy is so wet as you beg daddy to slide his cock into you just like youve always wanted daddy to do.............

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Daddy. I got very wet just reading your response. Yes, there were some special juices flowing from my privates, but most of the wetness resulted from me making in my pants. Can daddy change my diapers? I know I have to be disciplined for peeing my pants, I just ask that this time you take the rhinestones off your belt.

My real daddy died when he was 37. We had a lot of fun together before he was flung to his death from a roller coaster in Saudi Arabia. Maybe you and I could reenact some of the fun I used to have with my real daddy.

eddy wrote:

hi baby girl daddy is upset that you peed in your pants and will have to spank you before he changes your diaper,daddy will have to stick his cock in your peehole for being bad.Daddy is 37 now and is 5ft56 and 235 he doesnt have a pic right now but my other daughter that i used to play with says i look like george kastanza from seinfeld,Did you ever watch that?

Any young girl's dream

Daddy will take the rdinestones off his belt this time but you have to promise me that youll be a good girl from now on precious.Maybe daddy can stop by tonight to tuck you in ,would you like that hun?Daddy cant wait to taste your sweet juices like he used to baby girl.

Birdparty wrote:

I would like daddy to tuck me in tonight. I appreciate the George Costanza visual. Seinfeld went off the air when I was very little, but sometimes I catch it in syndication. I like bald men who are a little pudgy, because my real daddy was. Sometimes he used to rub his bald head on my boobies, but that was before they were very developed. Now they are bigger. Will you rub your head on them?

Will you play hide and seek with me? My real daddy liked to hide jolly ranchers from me and then I'd have to find them. Usually they were nestled under his balls. A few times he put them in my private place. The cinnamon-flavored ones added a nice kick! Onetime daddy ate one directly from my privates. I bet it tasted good...

A very disturbing hide and seek

eddy wrote:

yes baby girl we can play hide and seek.I will bring the jolly ranchers and hide them but i wont tell you where youll have to find them.well hun im 5ft6 and yes balding actually i just got a cruecut two days ago im 235lbs and youll have to wait and see how big my cock is hun and daddy cant wait to rub his head on your titties and your sweet pussy...I really dont have pic. maybe daddys little girl can take some of me

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Daddy! When can you get together? And where are you located? It will be hard to do it at my house without my mom or my bratty little brother finding out. But we may be able to go down to the laundry room and have some fun with the washer on spin cycle. We could snuggle in Bounce fabric softener as you bounce me on your knee. Will you take me shopping? If I am a good girl I think daddy should buy me some slutty clothes. I like to wear super-short cut-off jeans. My mom yells at me saying I look like a whore and that's why daddy couldn't keep his hands off me before he died. But I like them because they make all the boys look at me.

eddy wrote:

hi baby girl daddy now lives in oak lawn and cant wait to see his little girl,where do you live now princess,yes we will sneak to the laundry room for some daddy daughter fun.when do you want to meet daddy ?Daddy would love to take you shopping for some slutty clothes and some cute undies.I cant wait, how old are you now hun?and what size undies do you wear maybe ill go to the adult store and pick you up a naughty pair
luv Daddy

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Daddy! I was so glad to hear back from you. I live in Aurora. How long will it take you to get here? My real daddy took my virginity when I was about eight or nine, so my hyman is no longer intact. But he never put more than a few fingers in my bottom. He said he was going to save until I was in 10th grade. I am in my second year in a row of 10th grade, so now is the perfect time for my new daddy to honor the dead one by putting his pee pee in my bottom. Buy me real slutty clothes and I will surrender my behyman to you. I just hope I don't tear up at the thought of my real daddy.

Are you good at math? I am having real trouble in math class and my mother never made it out of middle school. Can you help with my homework, as a father should? You could even jizz on it before I hand it in to Mrs. Tselom, my cunty algebra teacher with a bad wig.

Also, do you smoke? Sometimes I steal my mom's GPCs, but if she finds out she throws cans of Milwaukee's Best at me.

You've come a long way, baby

If you really love me, daddy, you could bring me a pack of Marlboro Reds. I used to steal those from my mom's boyfriend until he left her for a woman whose daughter has bigger boobs than I do.

eddy wrote:

hibaby girl give me your address so i can mapquest it so i can find your house in aurora.Im not to familiar with that area ,ive only been there a couple of times.Ill bring you the smokes ,but baby they are bad for you.How old are you now baby girl,I know you said second year of 10th grade buthow old does that make you?Ill help you with your algebra too,and what size panties so i can bring you a surprise

hey baby girl that would be great if we can get together on friday,ill be free most of the day see ya soon daddy and does baby girl have any naked pics for daddy?If not well take some fri maybe
luvDADDY

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Daddy -- I am 15. But I am very mature for my age and my boobs are very developed. I like for boys to bounce them and suck on them, just like my daddy used to. Plus my snatch gets very wet. Are you loud when you have sex? I fuck very quietly -- my real daddy always demanded that because he didn't want mom to hear. So even today I don't make much noise. If we have sex in the laundry room, we will probably need to keep it down (unless the dryer is going) so my mom doesn't hear.

I know cigarettes are bad for you, but I like to smoke because it makes me feel like an adult. I like to smoke naked in my backyard while I finger my pussy real good, just like my daddy used to. Sometimes I put peanut butter on my cunt and have our pit bill, Snarls, lick it off. He is very good at it but I am sure you can do a better job.

Snarls knows how to lick

I will give you the exact address where l live after we make specific plans to get together. I live near the Breazeale Trailer Park on Rural Street in Aurora.

Are you interested in anal at all? I've never had it, and my daddy always said he would do it to me, but now that's he gone I want my new daddy to try it out.

eddy wrote:

hi baby girl daddy will lick your pussy much better than that dog will and i am gonna stick my cock in your ass just like you want me too.I could probably meet you at about noon on friday if its ok with you hun.

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Daddy! I am glad that my daddy is here to cuddle me in his arms. I have never had anal before so it might take some effort on both our parts to make it work, but I think we can create an everlasting father-daughter anal bond. Can I sprinkle some GoldBond medicated powder on your cock, to ensure safe sex, before we start the anal exploration?

eddy wrote:

hi baby girl daddy has never had anal sex before either hun so it will be a first time experience for both of us.Daddy will be gentle for his daughters first time.Daddy wants to rub lotion all over his little girls body and feel all her bumps curves and holes.Daddy wants his baby girl to swallow daddys load too .You probably cant wait to feel his hot cum dripppping down your face when he explodes,can you precious?daddy also wants to see you in a short skirt wearing a thong underneath for easy access,so daddy can slide his fingers underneath and feel your cunt.

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Daddy -- I have some bad news. My little brother Ray Ray broke into my email and read our emails. Now the little fucker is threatening to tell my mother. I beat the shit out of him, and he promised not to tell if we let him watch. I know it sounds weird, but I really can't have my mom find out. Plus we always thought Ray Ray was a fag anyway, so maybe this will make him realize that dicks go in pussies, not asses. But, in keeping with that lesson for him, I think we might have to hold off on the anal for now.

eddy wrote:

Hi baby girl its ok with me if its gonna keep you out of trouble.Will you be ok with him watching me pound your pussy with my hard cock and sucking on your titties or will he say he also wants to fuck you too or play with you or something? We’ll do the ass fucking some other time then when hes not around ok?I really cannot wait to see you naked.Can your brother take some nude pics so you can send me?or some not naked of your whole body i want to see your ass and titties and your sweet snatch.

Birdparty wrote:

Daddy, I don't know if Ray Ray will want to join in the fun or just watch. I never asked him. Like I said before, we have long held suspicions that Ray Ray is one of those queers. Maybe you could teach him to be straight? He's only 11, but he gets boners; I saw it once when he was watching wrasslin on TV. Also once I found a copy of Black Inches, a magazine for fags, under his bed. Anyway, would you be willing to help him learn to be straight by fucking me? He says he's not queer, but I am not sure so.

Ray Ray's favorite: Black Inches

eddy wrote:

yes i can help him fuck you and your tits too. when are we gonna do this baby girl?

tomorrow is good with me baby girl.Also baby girl just for legal reasons i need to know that you are at least eighteen for real so we can continue our father daughter sexual encounter.Then of course you can pretend to be my 15 year old daughter that daddy misses and wants so much,maybe you can take some pictures of daddy for yourself to keep so you can always look at them when you are horny and missing me my precious little daughter.Ill even pick up the smokes for you even though i dont approve of my daughter smoking at the age of 15.Daddy cant wait until we are together hun.

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Daddy --

I am 15, not 18. I will be 16 in less than a year if that helps. As for legal issues, you don't have to worry. I'm not gonna tell the cops or anything. I just need a daddy to help me out and love me like my real daddy did before he died tragically in a Saudi Arabian amusement park. Also can you still help me try to de-gay my brother? I hope so daddy. And seriously, don't worry about the laws.

eddy wrote:

I cant wait to take the place of your daddy hun.What was he doing in saudi anyway?how long ago did you lose him baby girl?Im so sorry for your loss.I will love you just as much as he did princess.When did you want to meet?And you are very bad for going on craigs list you are supposed to be at least eighteen to answer the ads didnt you know that?Can i have your phone number so i can call you and hear my daughters voice.

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Daddy! I am so excited I can barely contain myself! My daddy was in Saudi Arabia because he was in the military, fighting those people who wear things on top of their heads.

I can't give you a phone number right now -- my mom is here and she will listen on the other line. But I can probably call you collect late tonight.

eddy wrote:

how old is mom maybe we can hook up and i could be your real stepfather. wouldnt that be cool ?email me back later and maybe we can talk on phone baby girl

Birdparty wrote:

My mom is 29. But I don't know if you'd like her. She is fat and ugly. But since you are considering becoming my stepfather, could you give me some information about you?

eddy wrote:

hi baby girl lets meet tomorrow and well go out to lunch and talk and ill tell you everthing you want to know.hows 12 noon for lunch whats restaurants are around you? Is mom hot looking?it could work out between us and id be around to help u with homework and stuff.

Birdparty wrote:

I have a test tomorrow in English class so I am not sure I will be able to meet you for lunch. I skip school a lot but this is a big test so I cannot miss it. But I can check email occasionally from the library.

What about Ray Ray? Do you still want to help me de-gay him?

eddy wrote:

why dont you just take him into the laundry room and de-gay him yourslef?I dont think hed resist his sister if you just started like kissin on him and stuff.How bout the idea about your mom?

what time do you get out of school tomorrow hun? how about after school tomorrow can we meet and stop for a late lunch and maybe ill take you out shopping too.

Birdparty wrote:

My mom found the emails -- all because you refused to help me out with my brother, you bastard.

eddy wrote:

ill show junior how to fuck you good baby

Birdparty wrote:

My mother called the police.

Rodnita: Round Three

2005-05-08T16:52:00.000-07:00

Meet Rodnita. He has made death threats, hurled racial epithets and is a generally vicious, stupid and desperate man. After Birdparty's first and second encounters with Rodnita, it was time for round three.

Spicy Latina Looking for Hairy Tuna Taco Eater
Reply to: anon-69586889@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-21, 10:50PM EDT

Hola, I am a spicy Latina looking for a man for some fun. I am 24 years old, pretty and voluptuous. I am looking for a fun guy for some spicy fun and maybe more.

Rodnita wrote:

Hello,
My name is Charles. I wanted to let you know that I really liked your posting on Craigslist.org and I think you would enjoy my company alot.

I am a Single Professional White Male, Brown hair, Blue eyes, about 5ft10 and 185 lbs muscular average build. I am told i have a nice ass and i am also well endowed and thick.

I think i fit your description of someone looking for fun. I do enjoy giving lots of pleasure orally and love a woman that likes to orgasm alot. I think You will love my very talented tongue and its unique soft gentle touch that will not quit until you say so..

Write soon!

Send me some pics if you would, please??

Birdparty wrote:

To better acquaint ourselves, we need to learn more about each other. I'm a spicy Latina who enjoys working on my '88 Toyota Corolla on weekends and getting my nails done. My last boyfriend liked to work on my car too, even installing a rear spoiler, flashy lights, spinning hubcabs, purple racing stripes and all kinds of stuff. But he wouldn't work on our sex life. If he put as much effort into muff diving as he did that car, I'd be on permanent siesta. The problem is that these machismo Latino men don't believe in oral -- and that, I cannot abide. So, I'm looking online for someone to snack on my fish taco.

While I seek sex, I as well want to make sure I have found the right person. I won't spread my labia lips for just any man. Can you tell me a little bit more about yourself? How old are you? What do you do for a living? Where do you live? What kind of relationship do you seek? Please answer my questions and provide any other information you think is pertinent.

I hope to hear from you soon,
Guadalupe

Rodnita wrote:

I would love to see some pics of you for starters, if that is okay with you... Lips, labia.... Damn girl, are you trying make me drown in my own saliva thinking about you??

Birdparty wrote:

I was so glad to get your response, but saddened that you did not address any of my questions. Please tell me a little about you and then we'll see if we can work something out. Feel free to ask me anything you'd like to know. I am a very open woman, in more ways than one.

Rodnita wrote:

Did i mention my Birthday was this coming Tuesday the 26th?? I would do almost anything to have a delicious wet and creamy set of lips dripping over my face as my special lady straddled for the ride of her life.... YOU????

Heres a preview......

Rodnita wears bright red lipstick

Birdparty wrote:

You have been ignoring all my questions about you. I want to get out of my apartment (it's a two bedroom with 14 of my family members living in it, some of them MS-13 members) to see you, but I am not going to do that when I don't know anything about you . I hope you are serious and this isn't just an email catcall -- I get enough real ones from the Salvadorans in my apartment complex.

Rodnita wrote:

I am so sorry it took a while to get to you with all your Questions. I hope after all is said and done i qualify yo be a lucky man to have you spend some sensual times with me and build a friendship, relationship together. I would really like to see you this Tuesday evening or sometime soon to spend my Birthday with a special person named Guadalupe...

Answers to your Questions:

Can you tell me a little bit more about yourself?

I am a 37 yr old Single Professional White Male. I am 5ft10, 185 lbs, average nice muscular build. I have short brown hair and am clean cut. My Blue eyes seem to be the best feature when you first look at Me. I am very Romantic, a little lonely and am definately seeking a new partner to be a Friend, Lover and Companion.

I enjoy going to sports events, such as Baseball, Hockey, Basketball and Football. I enjoy the ocassional bike ride, trying my best at tennis or other physical activities outdoors too! I enjoy the Theatre and Shows also. I love fine dining and enjoy all kinds of ethnic foods. I would say Indian and Thai are on the top of the list. I enjoy quiet evenings taking in a Blockbuster night taking in a movie and sharing intimate times exchanging sensual massages, kisses and intense pleasure. Sitting by the fire roasting Marshmellows and ourselves too!!

I love to do Landscaping, Gardening and Beautifying My yard here at home. I enjoy a nice long quiet day hanging out by the poolside in the backyard and taking in a good afternoon of sun and serenity. Listening to the birds singing too. I enjoy spending time with My cute little Maltese dogs going on walks or visiting parks on occasion.

Notice the fashionable jean shorts

I would love to spend some time with a counterpart taking weekend getaways to Atlantic City having fun in the Casino or our room. I enjoy taking romantic walks on the Sandy Beaches in the Carribean Islands or Mexican Riviera.

I am not your Typical Guy, because I really enjoy giving the most of every minute pleasing my friend/partner at whatever we are doing together.

How old are you?

37 yrs old

What do you do for a living?

I work for a local telephone company doing maitainance and repair and installation of our copper and fiber optics facilities

Where do you live?

ROCKVILLE, MARYLAND

What kind of relationship do you seek?

I would loike a friend, companion and lover all in one and see where it leads to..

Could you answer all of the same questions for me and send me a couple better pics of yourself, or if i am too old for you or don't qualify to be your personal "Hairy Tuna Taco Eater", i guess you will be knid enough to tell me...

Birdparty wrote:

Thank you for finally answering all my questions and for sending pics. I liked your pics, especially the one with the dogs. You are a very good-looking man. You know, I am a big fan of Rod Stewart. I think part of the reason I find you so attractive is that you look like a transgendered version of Rod Stewart. Would mind if I screamed "RODNITA! RODNITA!" in ecstasy as you dine on my hairy tuna taco?

Rodnita wrote:

Sure when would you like to get together and start screamin screamin screamin.......

Birdparty wrote:

Rodnita --

I am probably free to start the screaming later this week. I have always longed for a transsexual Rod Stewart to get between my legs and go to town. I think that Rod Stewart is such a beautiful man, and you are such a beautiful man/woman combination of Rod Stewart -- my own personal Rodnita! I am bisexual so it will be perfect!

Love,
Guadalupe

P.S. -- Have you started hormone treatments yet?

Rodnita wrote:

Your sorry ass Rod Stewart joke is getting pretty old, don't you think?? What are you about 14 or 15 yrs old?? Ever consider growing up for a minute and getting serious?? You tell me where you want to meet and we'll meet there.. It would be highly recommended that you pick the spot.. and the time... I will need a current picture of you so i know who to look for..

Birdparty wrote:

Rodnita -- Some folks get real uppity just because they start hormone treatments. Do I need to bring the Tranny Roadshow to your house to straighten things out?

P.S. -- Did you get my belated birthday card?

Birthday cheer, to Rodnita from Birdparty

Rodnita wrote:

I am going to politely ask you to refrain from sending me anymore emails. This one and the other email addresses i have on file will be forwarded to my friend at the intelligence agency that will take care of this once and for all.....

Birdparty wrote:

Rodnita, I am glad you have a friend at "the intelligence agency" -- perhaps he could lend some of their intelligence to you?

A Spongeworthy PR Campaign

2005-05-02T19:03:00.000-07:00

Today Sponge

FDA Approves the Return of the Today® Sponge

April 22, 2005 -- After an 11-year hiatus, the Today® Sponge, once the most popular over-the-counter female contraceptive, has won re-approval for marketing from the Food and Drug Administration. From 1983 to 1994, when the Today® Sponge was previously available in the U.S., more than 250 million Sponges were sold. Allendale Pharmaceuticals plans to begin U.S. production immediately, and will begin national product distribution in summer

Despite its absence from store shelves for the past decade, the Today® Sponge still enjoys strong customer demand. “Daily calls and e-mails from women confirm that there is still a great need for the Today® Sponge,” said Gene Detroyer, President and CEO of Allendale Pharmaceuticals. “Women who cannot tolerate hormonal contraceptives or choose not to use them are particularly pleased by the return of the Sponge.”

Consumers wishing to track availability should email Allendale at questions@todaysponge.com.

Birdparty wrote:

Dear Sponge Manufacturers:

I read with great interest today's press release on the re-approval by the FDA of the Sponge. Though I am too young to have used the Sponge in its first run, I have seen many times the episode of "Seinfeld" where Elaine stocks up.

My regular birth control methods have failed me several times and I have the scarred uterus to prove it. I am excited to try out the sponge with my boyfriend Bob. He hopes to be a non-homosexual Sponge Bob. We are in a monogomous relationship together and share the same uncurable sexually transmitted diseases.

Where can I purchase the sponge in my area?

Thank you for your fine work,
Ms. Birdparty

The Sponge Savior

Gene Detroyer wrote:

Ms. Birdparty,
Now that we have FDA approval to sell the Sponge in the U.S. we must start building inventory to service what is clearly an incredible demand.

We expect to have it available on line at our site in 60 to 90-days. It should be available at chain drug stores in 4 to 5 months. Retail pricing should be about $2.50 to $3.00 per sponge, depending on the retailer.

I am adding you to our "Friends" list so that we keep you up to date on availability. If you know anyone else who might be interested, please tell them to email me at questions@todaysponge.com and telling me to put them on the "Friends" list. Those on the list will be the first to know when and how to get sponges.

Gene
Gene Detroyer
President & CEO
Allendale Pharmaceuticals, Inc.

Paul Moniz: Spreading the sponge word

Paul Moniz wrote:

Hi Ms. Birdparty:

I am contacting you on behalf of Allendale Pharmaceuticals, Inc, maker of the Today Sponge. Could you send me a phone number where you could reached. We'd like to speak to you about a media story we're helping Allendale with. Widmeyer is the official public relations agency that works with Allendale on the Sponge. Thanks.

Best,
Paul

Paul Moniz
Senior Counsel
Widmeyer Communications

Birdparty wrote:

Dear Mr. Moniz: I was so excited to get your email I printed it out and showed it to my boss! She agrees, The Sponge is the best. Unfortunately, I currently have a very sore throat and open sores all over my mouth and throat so I am forced to refrain from talking. Could we perhaps conduct this interview via e-mail or instant messenger?

Paul Moniz wrote:

Hope you feel better. Here's what I'd like to know. A television station is interested in interviewing former Sponge users or those interested in using the Sponge for medical reasons, i.e. they can't take hormones, or have conditions that makes other forms of birth control out of the question like cancer.

They would first be interested in speaking to you by phone. They would then consider interviewing you on camera. This is a news segment, not a commercial. You will not be compensated. However, Allendale would greatly appreciate your help.

Let me know if you'd be interested. Also, I'll need to have contact information (day and after hours) so the reporter/producer from the TV station can call you.

One final request, I noticed from your original email that you fit into this category (re:health issues.) If you could again briefly summarize why you want to use the Sponge, how old you are, and your marital status -- in an email back to me, that would be helpful. Thanks again. Look forward to hearing from you.

Best,
Paul

Paul Moniz
Senior Counsel
Widmeyer Communications

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Paul --

Thank you for your concern about my sore throat. I think it may be clearing up already, but the sores appear to be here to stay.

I have never used the Sponge, as I was sexually active but did not engage in safe sex before it was pulled off the market. I want to start using the Sponge now for a mix of personal and medical reasons. My husband and I do not use condoms, as we are in a monogamous relationship and share the same incurable sexually transmitted diseases, herpes among them. We prefer the authentic feeling of sex without a latex barrier between us, but at the same time must avoid pregnancy at all costs. While Valtrex does its part, I cannot risk giving birth to a child during an outbreak, for if my open sores touch its precious little skin, the baby would be infected with herpes for life. I have used the pill before, but it causes me to bloat up to unbelievable proportions, resulting in my husband losing interest in sex, which defeats the entire purpose of taking the pill in the first place. So as you can see, the Sponge is really my only option. I cannot wait for the Sponge to debut on the domestic market.

Given my immense enthusiasm for the Sponge's re-release, I would be more than happy to talk to any local television station about it. But given the possibilities with the miracle known as the Today Sponge, I would frankly prefer national or even international news outlets.

Thank you.

Paul Moniz wrote:

Thanks for the frank reply.

Can you tell me how old you are and also how I can reach you by phone during the day and evening. I will not give out any contact information to reporters without your approval. Thanks.

Birdparty wrote:

I am 16.

Birdparty wrote:

Paul, It's been days and I haven't heard from you in sometime and I was wondering if you are still interested in using me for this TV thing.

Paul Moniz wrote:

The television station decided to go in a different direction with their story on the Sponge. We will keep you in mind for future stories. Thanks again for your willingness to help.

Birdparty wrote:

Mr. Moniz:

I am sad they took it in a different direction. Which direction was it? Has it aired yet? If not, I'd like to catch it. Which of the local TV stations is it on?

Are you the same Paul Moniz of WCBS? I used to live in New York and I was a big fan of your work especially with yeastinfectionresource.com. It changed my life.

Your commitment to women's health is truly touching, to think that a man is so understanding of all that women have to go through, vaginally and otherwise. It almost brings a tear to my eye, and I'm not even having an outbreak. You are a true pioneer, a hero, even a demigod.

Three-course meal

2005-04-27T20:31:00.000-07:00

Poopman Jack

drink my piss while I sit on the toilet taking a dump - m4m
Reply to: anon-65520315@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-26, 6:54AM PST

want to drink my piss
and suck me off
and I'll chase the cum
with more piss
while you jack off
with the taste of my
cum and piss
in your mouth?
while I'm on the toilet
taking a shit?
I'm raunchy top
5'9" 170 u/c neg
lkg for lean
urinal/cocksucker/toilet...
pix/stats/into?

Birdparty wrote:

Are you serious? Because if so I am DEFINTELY interested.

Jack wrote:

hey ew...love to have you on your knees with my cock in your mouth while I piss in your mouth and then you suck me off while I sit on the toilet taking a shit...in west hollywood can host or travel early mornings for shit anytime for piss...piss shit fuck suck jo massage kinky fantasies porn weed?.....hit me back with your pix/stats/what you are looking to get into and let's see what we can set up asap...jack

Birdparty wrote:

What I really want is to suck you off while you take a dump. I can't explain it, but something about watching a GIANT shit come out of your asshole while I take you all the way really turns me on. I want you to shit a load while your whole cock is down my throat, maybe even splattering me with some dingleberries. Can you provide this service to me?

Jack wrote:

available early am?...I take a shit about 8-9am....west hollywood like kings rd/smb near gelsons...you come in strip get on your knees and suck me off while I take a dump and you jack off while I'm dumping and pumping my load into your mouth...then you leave...jack

p.s. i can shit in a heart shape for you and i got pics to prove it.

Jack sends his poop love

Birdparty wrote:

Can you describe your turds to me? Smell, color, texture, length, duration of poop time, etc. I love to watch it slide out as I provide oral satisfaction to a man. But I am very particular about poop, so please go into as much detail as possible about your feces. Do you have a lot of dingleberries and does it splatter? I wouldn't be opposed to having some shit specks splash onto my chin.

Jack wrote:

hey ew...see attached...I'm very regular so I don't get a big backup that I have to strain to shit out and my shit starts outhard and maybe 3/4 of an inch wide and tends to get narrower and softer...tends to come out in one big long turd but still i can provide the splatter effect you are looking for...jack

Crabs are negotiable

2005-04-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

Can crabs surive in snow?

$1000 TO CUM INSIDE YOU TONIGHT - m4w - 35
Reply to: anon-69721734@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-22, 4:49PM EDT

No games. I am totally serious. Will donate $1000 if I can cum inside you with no protection. Can meet wherever is convenient for you.

We meet, have quick, hot, raw sex (will literally take about 10 seconds)...then we go our seperate ways.

Birdparty wrote:

I have crabs, so I'll do it for $500.

Brad wrote:

Are you really serious…or is that a joke?

Birdparty wrote:

I am completely serious.

I do not have the money for the Lindane genital shampoo needed for the treatment of crabs, thus I seek sex with you for $500, which will more than cover the cost of the prescription. I tried over-the-counter Permethrin cream, but it didn't work, so I need the prescription shampoo.

So you see, I do not have the money for the shampoo until I have sex with you, but I will not be crab-free until I get the shampoo, which requires funding from having sex with you. It's quite a catch-22.

Brad wrote:

are you on birth control? how old are you?

Birdparty wrote:

I am 22 and I am on the pill. I didn't realize the pill only works for pregnancy -- that's how I got these goddamn crabs in the first place.

Are you seriously interested or just fucking around? When can you do this?

Brad wrote:

I am very serious about this. Where do you live around here?

Birdparty wrote:

If you are ready to do this, I think I am too. Basically you just want to fuck my crabcunt without condom, and you say you'll come within about 10 seconds? That is certainly worth the money. Where can we do this? I cannot host.

Brad wrote:

I am getting the feeling this is a game...who calls it a "crab cunt"?

Birdparty wrote:

I have crabs -- I told you that at the start. I am for real. If you are afraid of my crabs, then just say so and stop wasting my time.

Brad wrote:

The crabs aren't a problem. I can either get a hotel room, or we can do this in my car. Do you have a cell phone?

Birdparty wrote:

Hotel or car works for me.

Also, before we do this, I should tell you, I started having a puss-like discharge last night. I'm sure it's nothing, I just wanted to tell you now so you won't be surprised. I hope this doesn't change your mind. If it does, what if we knock the price down to $300?

Brad wrote:

$300 is a bargain. Give me your phone number and we’ll work out the details.

Smoke between your thighs

2005-04-21T13:46:00.000-07:00

Is this a Glamour Shot?

I want to date a smoker.... - m4w - 31
Reply to: anon-67297870@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-13, 9:07AM CDT

Contrary to the rest of the world, I love women who smoke cigarettes. The style, the smell, the look --- it all drives me wild. If there are any women out there who are interested in exporing the "Smoking Fetish", please email me.

Birdparty wrote:

I smoke cigarettes, and out of more than one orifice.

Smokey Bear wrote:

Well that is certainly unique!

Birdparty wrote:

So what do you like about a smoking woman? Do you prefer any particular kind of cigs? What's your poison?

Smokey Bear wrote:

to me, the sexiest part is watching a woman who ENJOYS her cigarette -- if she does, it seems that all the other intricacies take care of themsleves (drag style, exhale, holding, etc.)

as for brand, i think Virginia Slims are sexy, but others can be as well

Vagina Slimes

as for my fetish, it can be as simple as watching a woman smoking while driving, putting on makeup, etc. to the sexual side - smokey kisses, blow jobs, etc.

have you encountered this fetish before? and are you serious about the orifice thing? when did you learn that one?

Birdparty wrote:

I don't know if I have encountered a smoking fetish before or not. I have dated smokers, and I don't know if that qualifies as a fetish. I have also inserted lit cigars into my vagina and up my ex-boyfriend's bunghole in the late 1990s (Bill/Monica-inspired, of course).

Bottoms up!

I can smoke a cigarette through my vagina. No joke. I learned it during the cigarette play with my ex. I am 100% serious. I can literally draw cigarette smoke in through my vagina, hold it up there for a while, then vaginally exhale. Would you like to eat my pussy after it smokes a few cigarettes?

Smokey Bear wrote:

well it sound slike you have stumbled upon the fetish without even knowing it!

and the answer to your question is a definate yes!

Birdparty wrote:

I am so glad you want to eat my pussy while I blow smoke onto your face. It is such an exhilarating feeling. Tell me your ideas of how to incorporate cigarettes into sex.

Smokey Bear wrote:

Incorporating with sex -- where to begin --- i have so many ideas. I will say that i have never eaten a smoking pussy but i cannot wait to do it with you --- i am hard just thinking about it.

Incorpoartion ideas:

1) Eating you out while you smoke with your pussy
2) Eating you out while you smoke with your mouth
3) You giving me a blowjob while smoking
4) Smoking while having sex
5) Blowing smoke all over me
6) Anything else we can think of!

And, of course, i can smoke as well if you like and do much of the same to you

what do ya think?

heres another pic.

Smokey isn't a hairy bear

Birdparty wrote:

Have you ever used a gravity bong? It is something that people use when smoking marijuana but it allows you to get approximately two liters of smoke into your lungs. I typically have one in the trunk of my car and today is no exception. What would you say to taking the biggest hit you have ever experienced, and then blowing it into my snatch?

I occassionally wear the patch and chew nicotine gum, just for an added nicotine boost during the day, and I plan on utilizing these during our encounter for an added nic-hit.

Let gravity do all the work!

Smokey Bear wrote:

yes, i have used a gravity bong -- pretty cool

i think your suggestion is fantastic -- i still can't quite believe all this is for real

when would be good for you?

Birdparty wrote:

I am free this weekend on Sunday morning while my family is at Church and I have the place to myself.

Have you ever used a hookah? I'd like to take a puff off one mouthpiece while you have another shoved up your ass and the third in my cunt.

Hookah: the ultimate sex toy

Smokey Bear wrote:

well I have determined that your imagination is way cooler than mine, so we'll let you come up with the ideas -- i've liked them all so far.

yeah, Sunday morning would work ok for me

Birdparty wrote:

Would you let me put a lit cigarette up your ass? I can teach you to smoke through your colon.

Smokey Bear wrote:

sweetie, i have a feeling that i'm going to let you do anything you want to me!

here's one -- you wear a strap on and i blow smoke all over your tits, pussy and my cock.

am i getting better?

Birdparty wrote:

I ended up at work late last night. I spent most of the day at the dermatologist having a tattoo lasered off.

My Eastern European ex-boyfriend, Lanal, insisted we get our names tattoed on each other. The lasering was extremely painful and during yesterday's visit I could only manage to get the L removed, thus leaving me with Anal Forever on my left tit. I've been wearing high cut shirts but nevertheless I am up for a promotion soon and I am doing everything to ensure I get it.

But that is neither here nor there. I had a lot of time to think and the one thing that got me the hottest was the gravity bong. Are you marijuana friendly? If so, I was thinking instead of a gravity bong hit into your mouth, we could put it directly into your ass. Just put the mouthpiece in and then you sit down into the bucket, forcing your intestines full of lovely THC. I have heard that it is more effective when administered that way. It goes directly into your bloodstream and gets you that much more high. It is the same concept as an alcohol enema, if you are familiar.

Let me know what you think. I would of course be willing to try this idea out as well, perhaps with my snatch.

Smokey Bear wrote:

yes, i am 420 friendly, but that sounds pretty extreme. truthfully, though, for you, i'd do it. but how will i get it in?

i definately want to get together, but tomorrow morning will not work for me afterall (family stuff) --- are you available any evenings?

btw, pretty damn funny about that tatoo! hope it's healing ok and not too painful

smokey kisses

Birdparty wrote:

I know it sounds extreme, but once you have an ass full of pot smoke, you'll know that it's well worth it. I like to affix the bong to my snatch, suck up as much smoke as I can, hold it for a while, and then vaginally exhale. Sometimes I can even blow smoke rings out of my pussy. It is so hot.

Vaginal smoke rings

Would you like me to blow a ring in your face while you go down on me?

Smokey Bear wrote:

hey baby-

i gotta say -- i feel like i have met my match --- i didn't think their was anyone who was as fascinated by smoke as me!

as for getting together, evenings are generally the best (either my place or yours)

give me a buzz on my cell and we can set things up! can't wait to meet you and play :)

312 [deleted]

Brotherly Love

2005-04-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

This sicko trades Craigslist sex emails with his brother

Looking for my anal Daddy'$ girl
Reply to: anon-68163365@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-12, 7:33PM EDT

Hung, good looking, athletic, dominant male wants to bend a girl in pig-tails over the end of his couch and fuck her in the ass with her panties around her ankles and her skirt lifted up. Ideally, Daddy will fuck his daughter during a lunch break during work or shortly after leaving work for the day.

This doesn't necessarily mean that is all we will do during our encounter, but it will at least be the finishing end of things. Regardless, Daddy will be telling you what to do and how to do it. Will be generous.

Please be:

-serious
-female
-ht/wt proportioned
-submissive
-love to get pounded in the ass

Hope to hear from you.

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Daddy,

I saw your ad and I was so happy that my Daddy is calling me home. What kind of a sofa do you have? I only have a futon so you may have to host. I can braid my pigtails like Heidi if you like. And you'll give me my allowance after? I promise I'll be a very good girl.

H J wrote:

What kind of allowance are you looking for?

Birdparty wrote:

My allowance depends on Daddy. How good do I have to be? And I hope you won't make me mow the lawn and do the dishes like my real daddy did after mommy died. I think money to buy myself a few sweets every week would be enough.

I attached my pic.

Birdparty: a real catch

H J wrote:

For the record... my younger brother was sent the same picture that you sent to me, in Tampa, FL... under the exact same email address.

Stop trying to collect pics you fucking pervert.

Birdparty wrote:

It is not pics that I collect, it is perverts, like you and your brother. Any man who wants to have anal sex with a girl in pigtails for money and pretend she is his daughter is the real pervert here. What kind of a childhood did you and your brother have that drove you to these lengths to get off? Clearly you cannot have a functional sexual relationship with a woman. I bet you're both impotent because Mommy breastfed you for too long. Or maybe you both raped your little sister?

H J wrote:

My little brother was sent that picture for a Terri Schiavo fantasy, at the posters' request. How do you explain that one?

Bottom line - you are pretending to be someone and something that you are not. Everyone has fetishes and fantasies... I have MANY functioning sexual relationships with many women. You're the fucking wierdo sending around a someone else's picture.

Poison Passion

2005-04-18T07:22:00.000-07:00

Leaves in threes? Birdparty removes her panties!

Summer is near and I want a poison pussy - w4m - 29
Reply to: anon-68187413@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-12, 11:04PM EDT

My proposal: you go out to the woods, get a poison ivy rash all over your cock and balls and then fuck me, infecting me with your poison glory. I have had this fantasy since I was 11 years old and it’s time to live it out!

Please only contact me if you already have poison ivy on your member or plan to acquire it within a day or two. Also send pics.

Serious replies only.

"Getting poision ivy on my penis gets me hot"

brandonmichael wrote:

I will go get it tomorrow. You have a pic
brandonmichael

Birdparty wrote:

Will you really infect your penis with poison ivy or are you just so desperate for pussy you'll agree to anything?

If we get together and you don't have poison ivy on your dick, I am leaving immediately.

Don't even think about it!

brandonmichael wrote:

No I'm not desperate the idea sounds hot to me
brandonmichael

Birdparty wrote:

Tell me what about poison penis/pussy play turns you.

brandonmichael wrote:

The thought of me going out and getting poision ivy on my penis just to infect you gets me hot.
brandonmichael

Birdparty wrote:

I like a man who has lots of stamina and can fuck for hours. I find one good way to make that happen is to give a man a full meal before we fuck. Can I make you a poison ivy salad before we bang?

brandonmichael wrote:

I would like some of your salad. What is it like?
brandonmichael

Birdparty wrote:

My salad is yummy and delicious. Sometimes it makes your throat itch, but that just makes the oral sex and oral-anal contact all the more pleasurable. While your poison ivy cock bangs my head against the wall, can I rub poison ivy leaves in your eyes?

When Birdparty gets done with this dumbass...

brandonmichael wrote:

No leaves in my eyes but we can do yours

Birdparty wrote:

You'll love it in your eyes. Sometimes it causes a little crying, akin to the tears that onions cause. But it really increases your orgasming and is well worth the side effects.

brandonmichael wrote:

Ok
brandonmichael

Birdparty wrote:

Do you want to smoke a poison ivy cigarette beforehand? I can roll poison ivy into a tight little joint, and you get a nice buzz from smoking it. It really gets you ready for some hot sex.

brandonmichael wrote:

Sure
brandonmichael

Birdparty wrote:

I have a ceremony I must perform before having poison ivy sex. I want to lay some sweet ivy all over your balls and then set it ablaze and singe your pubes. If this is too much for you, I'll understand and we'll go our separate ways. If you are into this, then let's set up a time and place.

brandonmichael wrote:

Lets do this tonight
brandonmichael

Is that a poison ivy corsage?

Nature Guy wrote:

Are you serious? Why would you want that on your pussy?

Birdparty wrote:

I am serious. Are you?

Nature Guy wrote:

I never really thought about it. I could be convinced, I think.

Birdparty wrote:

It will be the best sex you’ve ever had. It’s poison ivy, after all.

Nature Guy wrote:

I am serious, but I have 3 concerns/questions.

1. Will the sex be unprotected? I don't have a problem with that, but would like your assurance that you're d/d free.

2. I'm concerned that the poison ivy may make it hard for me to "perform". If I can't then I won't be able to fuck you and I'm stuck with poison ivy and no fun! Would you consider other forms of transmittal? For example, via finger or directly?

3. Just out of curiousity, why are you interested in doing this?

I live in Fairfax, so setting this up should be easy since I think you said you were there too. Maybe we can go find a nice poison ivy patch this weekend.

You wouldn't love this all over your genitals?

Birdparty wrote:

1. I am 100% disease free. Clean as a whistle. You?

2. You will be able to perform. Poison ivy makes sex so much better. Your genitals tingle and it really brings you to next level of sexual satisfaction. It is also likely to improve your stamina, allowing you to fuck me with abandon good and long.

3. I cannot give you a concrete answer to this question. I am just really turned on by poison ivy. When I was a kid, I got it a lot, and I loved it. It is such a wonderful feeling on your skin. When you move it to your genitals, it is mind-bogglingly orgasmic.

Nature Guy wrote:

1. Yes, I'm clean. Do you want me to cum inside you? What about pregnancy.

2. I've only had poison ivy a few times, and I remember it wasn't entirely pleasant. I would like to fuck you good and long though.

3. Have you done this before? Do you know of others who are into it? Got any other fantasies?

Birdparty wrote:

1. Poison ivy usually kills sperm so pregnancy should not be an issue.

2. I can't imagine why you wouldn't like poison ivy. It feels like a sensual massage of your skin. That beautiful rash feeling is powerfully magnified when it's on your genitals. It also really increases stamina.

3. Yes, I have had poison ivy sex before. Sometimes it causes a discharge but that too is a glorious feeling. Each time some of that poison puss comes out of the genitals, it is like orgasming all over again. This is sex that can literally last for days as the discharge can take two to three days to clear up. But there aren't many long-term medical problems associated with it.

Nature Guy wrote:

I am still interested, on one condition. If the poison ivy is open (i.e. open sores) I'd be leary. The other question is when. I have plans Friday and Saturday and possibly Sunday. Sunday may open up. Would you like to meet for drinks on Sunday afternoon, maybe go for a walk in the woods, find some nice poison ivy, and take it from there?

Got Milk?

2005-04-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

Milk Man seeking squirts

Lactating laides look here - m4m - 24
Reply to: anon-68045628@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-29, 12:58AM EDT

looking to get with a lactating chick for some one on one fun - no sex - just suckling - plesae respond.

Birdparty wrote:

I can't even sleep through the night because my titties are BURSTING.

Jack Frost wrote:

i'm in new brunswick area - call me - 973 [deleted] - i come release the pressure for u

Birdparty wrote:

My nips are chapped from from breastfeeding. Would you be willing to apply Kiehl's Lip Balm #1? You can do so by putting it on your lips first, if you like.

Lactation lubricant

Jack Frost wrote:

ya sure - i'm like waitin to do all of this - its like a dream come tru.

Birdparty wrote:

Were you breastfed as a child and if so for how long?

Jack Frost wrote:

i'm not sure - i dont have decency to ask my mother - but i am not looking for mothers to have this with(my mother). probably until i was 1 yr old or until i grew teeth and started biting -

so we gona do this or not? i hope ur not a cop or somethin - this isnt illegal activity - i'm kinda paranoid -

Birdparty wrote:

No, of course I'm not a cop. Besides, this isn't illegal or anything - plenty of lactating women do it with their husbands as part of foreplay. You shouldn't be ashamed of your lactation urges.

When I had my first child, my baby daddy at the time used to like to take my tit milk in his coffee in the morning. He said it was sweet and made him think of me all day. Once we used it to bake an omelet, and another time we put it in pudding that we served to our neighbors for dessert - they never knew a thing!!! Baby Daddy #1 and I had the best sex EVER after they left on the dining room table.

After we broke up, I was still lactating (I breastfed my first child until age seven - the more advanced pediatricians acknowledge that this is the best way to ensure you pass on maximum antibodies). One time, I sat in a car with a Republican outside of the local ice cream place known as Maggie Moo's and lactated all over his Thomas Pink shirt. It was destroyed but he said it was well worth it.

Lactation central

Jack Frost wrote:

i want to sit in that car you squeeze your milk all over my shirt too - soak me all over - how much milk is there

Birdparty wrote:

There are at least several gallons of my milk.

I believe it is every mother's duty to breastfeed her child. My exes who were into breastfeeding were bottle fed formula babies. I would be curious to know if you were as well. Do you have any siblings you could ask?

Just on a side note, you don't have braces do you?

Jack Frost wrote:

no i'm a single son of a happy mother/father couple - i am an indian national whos family follows strict rules - feeding ususally stops as soon as the teeths come out - and no i dont have braces and i dont bite - i have teeth but i know how to use them - i'm a vegitarian :) so i promise not to bite (else i'd be non-veg)

call me - 973 [deleted]-

Birdparty wrote:

Oh, I wasn't aware that Indians were so strict with breast feeding. Was her milk curry flavored at all from all the spices in her diet? Are Indians very aggressive about toilet training as well? That could explain their relative success compared to the lazier minorities in the United States. I read that somewhere that Mexicans breastfeed till age 13 sometimes.

Does your mother wear a dot on her head? If you'd like, I can put a bindi dot between my eyes if it will make you feel more at home while you suckle.

You're not a vegan are you? Because if so, we are going to have to call this whole thing off. I am not going to come between you and enlightenment.

Jack Frost wrote:

no i'm not vegan - my mom does wear a dot on her head - can you put one on the boob? then i will feel at home - toilet training is strict also - its all disciplined -

To make him feel at home...

are u sure u want to do this? ur teasing me - i'm like so excited about this - i feel like i want to do this in the next 2 hours and meet up regularly afterwards.

Birdparty wrote:

I am sure I want to do this. There is nothing I would like more than to have my throbbing mammaries drained. I would be willing to milk myself during the day, and outsource my milk to you via courier for a tasty mid afternoon snack.

Jack Frost wrote:

thats kewl - do you need my address for courier - tell me - i want to squeeze the udder -

Jack Frost nipping at your udders

Birdparty wrote:

I need to know if you are really into this lactation fantasy of mine or just pulling my chain. You seem a little ashamed to admit it - or maybe you are just making fun of me with friends, posting it on a blog called birdparty to mock me and my mammaries. Please tell me about why you want to breastfeed, where this desire came about, how you want to act it out, and I will start making home-baked cookies for you to dip in my luscious creamy milk. We're just mammals after all.

Jack Frost wrote:

ok i see your point - no i'm not here to mock - i do have this fantasy - i have several movies of this on my laptop (lactation) - i go out of my way to download this - its fun to watch and i want to know what it taste like - i dont drink regular milk but i think i would drink a gallon of yours - its also partially sexual - i love sucking on boobs, i would suck harder if there was something that came out of it -

i dont know - i wached some porno movie when i was like 12 where some girl sucked out all of this other girls milk and it was all over - so that was my turning point - then i just stayed low until i found it on yahoo groups - so i'm activly seeking partners.

i do understand it would be kind of 'wrong' to let me suck on ur boobitas if ur married, or at least, a stranger on ur boobies would be weird and strange - but i mean, we can avoid that 1 minute of uncomfortableness for some pleasure -

i'm an easy going person -i usually agree with the majority and believe in geting things done - i am not an immature person - i am not coming there to see your boobies - i could do that at the local GoGorama (strip club) - i would just like to try this out - we'll both like it - i mean, i can milk u and u can milk me if u want :p

Birdparty wrote:

OK, Jack, now that I know you are for real, I need to let you in on my motive for being involved in lactation play. I am very turned on by squirting my milk onto men and in their faces. Would you like me squirt some into your eyes and up your nostrils? My nips are both pierced, so sometimes my aim is a bit off, but that makes milk shower all the more exciting. I have found that breast milk works great as a conditioner and I'd like to wash your hair and then condition it in my milk.

Jack Frost wrote:

urgh! ur giving me an errection telling me this - haha - well thats kewl - u still havent told me where you live and when we'r meeting up nor have you sent me ur pic -

i'm about to make a date with this girl that works on my floor for tonite and mayb we can do this tomorrow morning/afternoon?

im ready to let you do any kind of lactation fetish me and you can work on - i promise to be a good person to deal with - and i think in the long run, we'll be good friends - i will make sure i will bring some jokes to make u laugh and figure out a way to tickle you so u laugh if my jokes arent funny :p

so where are you located? i'm in central NJ - how soon do u think we'r gona do this? i'm just aksing u this and being very impatient b/c i'm so excited about the milk thing - i cant believe i will be the guy who's geting milk sprayed on his face -

Birdparty wrote:

I was out of the office this morning at a doctor appointment. He can't believe that I am still breast feeding my nine year old, but I assured him that I would be soon stopping that. I derive such pleasure from breastfeeding though that I can actually have orgasms and I am unwilling to give this up. I have decided that you are the perfect man with whom to share my milk. Are you lactose intolerant? I hope not.

Jack Frost wrote:

no i'm not lactose intolerant. ur feeding ur 9 yr old? uh whoa!

so u hafta send me ur picture and location. btw, whats ur name?

Birdparty wrote:

My name is Gloria. I don't have a picture right now on my work computer. I think somewhere that serves chocolate chip cookies would be the best place to meet. I will bring a traveling coffee cup full of my mammary juices for you to enjoy on the side. Any suggestions for a place?

Jack Frost wrote:

ya definetly. i'm gona be facinated with ur juice. i'm thinking i am more into seeing u take out milk or let me do it - but i am not sure how you feel about an unknown doing that to you.

there are bakery's in NJ that will have chocolatechip cookies and more. In New Brunswick there are plenty... and starbucks also serves them.

Birdparty wrote:

Would you like to watch me milk myself with a breast pump? I recent purchased one on sale. I could bring it along. I'm not sure its allowed in Starbuck's, but they are fairly liberal.

One-stop shop for all your lactation supplies

Jack Frost wrote:

but would we get in trouble at a starbuck - i guess we can chill at a park or some public place in the car or something - mayb we can get a hotel room next time around - me n u both have to think if its worth it - we will see -

so when ? today? tomorrow?

Birdparty wrote:

Would you mind calling me Mommy while you suckle?

Jack Frost wrote:

sure mommy :p

so where are you? call me - i wanna do this tonight - 973 [deleted] - call my cellphone.

FedEx me your Turds Part II

2005-04-12T18:59:00.000-07:00

The first guy who wanted to FedEx his turds has some competition

FedEx me your Turds - 32
Reply to: anon-62723771@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-07, 4:53PM EST

Hi -- I am a sexy young woman who wants a man to FedEx me his crap in a Ziplock bag.

I will repay you with my own shit or with some old fingernails I've been saving up.

Arthur Rainbow wrote:

Hi --

Are you still looking for someone to mail you their turds? I'm ready, willing, and able. -- Art.

Birdparty wrote:

Yes, I am still looking. What kind of turds do you produce?

Arthur Rainbow wrote:

I produce all sorts of turds. I just had some pistachios and a bagel coupled with last night's beer and some coffee. it was a dark brown (almost black) monster turd. I try to shit once a day, and if you would like samples of the various sorts of turds I produce I could send you pictures. With it being St. Patrick's Day and all, I could probably injest enough green beer to produce a green turd tomorrow.

I am not sending fecal matter to an anonymous person, however. Could you please tell me a little more about yourself? I am attaching a pic and I hope you will respond in kind.

When you care enough to send the very best...

Birdparty wrote:

I am a copy writer who has a thing for poop. I really wanted to get the Preparation H account, but I lost out to some hussy who fucked the boss to get the job.

In the spirit of St. Patrick's Day, I was wondering if you would wipe your ass with a shamrock and include that in your package.

Arthur Rainbow wrote:

Hot! I haven't pooped since St. Paddy's. Will use a shamrock when I wipe. Can I use an Easter Lily as well?

I'm really into poop. Are you willing to exchange sex for turds? That really turns me on. Have you ever masturbated with a turd? I'd love to fuck you in the ass while fucking you with a big hard turd.

I'll save tonight's shit for you. Send me your address so I can send you my present.

--Art.

Birdparty wrote:

Yes! Please send your turds ASAP! I need them. What is the consistency?

Arthur Rainbow wrote:

I couldn't hold it any longer. Here's a sample of what you missed. Send me your address so I can mail you one. --Art.

Where's the shamrock?

Birdparty wrote:

I am terribly upset that I missed your beautiful chocolate chewies. Next time put them in a Ziploc bag and refrigerate them.

You mentioned fucking me with a turd. That idea turns me on, but I need more specifics. How exactly would it work? Even when you have a nice hard turd, very solid, I don't think it would be hard enough to do the job. Wouldn't it just all mush up inside me? Is there some way we can calcify to the turd to ensure the proper poop penetration? Or do you have a better method? Please explain in detail.

Arthur Rainbow wrote:

The next one is going in a Ziploc bag. But I need your name and address if I am to mail it to you.

As far as turd fuckery is concerned, I figured that if you left the turd out long enough (perhaps by baking it in the oven) it would dry out enough to be stiff (think -- old dog poo it's nearly petrified).

If you wanted to frosty turd fuck, you could always freeze the turd, though it might thaw inside you and break apart.

Birdparty wrote:

You are a genius. I never thought of baking a turd into a dildo. And I have spent a lot of time thinking about feces. You sound like you are quite sexually adventurous and have a lot of BM tricks up your sleeve (or bunghole, as the case may be). Please tell me some more of your scatological desires.

Arthur Rainbow wrote:

An evil genius! Didn't you ever encounter really old dog shit in the park? It's like stone. I think about feces every day -- especially when I'm shitting or beating off. I don't want to tell you too much more. I'd rather show you. What do you say? Keep your eyes peeled. I want to send you a FedEx tomorrow morning.

Knives and edgeplay: "sexy-insane fun!"

2005-04-10T06:09:00.000-07:00

It's time to turn the knives on a desperate man

Knife Throwing - w4m - 27 (mission district)
Reply to: anon-64132262@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-16, 7:19PM PST

I am a hot and horny young woman with kind of a weird fetish...knife throwing. I recently moved to the Bay Area and I am looking for a guy to have some knife-throwing fun with.

Here's what I want: you stand against the wall, in your place or mine, and I throw knives in your direction. I can get them within one inch of your head, shoulders, elbows, fingers and crotch without so much as a scratch. I have been practicing for a while and I never miss. I have only had two guys let me throw knives at them since I left Indiana.

I want to throw knives at you. Let me know if you are man enough for the job.

Jeffrey likes being hunted like a wild bear

Jeffrey wrote:

I'm just a cool dude... have a rocking personality, sense of humor, athletic, driven... will definitely challenge your skills if you dare! I've never thought about Knife throwing as a turn on.. but now that you bring it up... i'm totally in the mood to cause a lil trouble... and from reading your post it sounds like you are, too!

I'd love to meet someone fun, sassy and intelligent fun, games, playtime and intellectual intercourse..

Birdparty wrote:

You sound like the guy for me. You are really willing to let me throw knives at you?

What about gunplay? Can I also fire my glock in your direction? I am quite a markswoman.

Jeffrey wrote:

if you have a glock... your defintely my kinda girl... BUT i get to shoot back, as i'm no slouch on the range either.... But now you have to dare to tell me much more about you... as you seem interesting, to say the least...

Extra credit, and maybe spanking, if you can ID the rifle in this pict :)

Sodomy and semi-automatic weapons: Welcome to Gomorrah!

Birdparty wrote:

No, I don't know what kind of rifle that is.

I am not going to shoot you, just shoot at you. Then I want to throw some knives in your direction. If you're feeling frisky maybe I could take the business end of that firearm and insert it into your bunghole.

Jeffrey wrote:

hmmmm.. so you are either REALLY wacked or really frisky... what really sucks is to find one, i have to tolerate bumping into the other. so tell me a lil more... especially about the knife tossing... where did you pick that up? not common for most women... and being a markswoman is just as rare.. i might let you put a firearm up my ass -- IF the safety is on.

heres a butt shott

The butt of a gun up the butt of an idiot?

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Jeffrey -- I really liked your pics. They are very sexy. I am including one of my own. (I'm sorry, though, I don't have any butt shots. I nonetheless enjoyed yours.)

I picked up knife tossing from my great uncle Rastas. When we were little, he used to line all my siblings and cousins up against his mobile home and throw knives at us. He never hurt any of us, except when he sliced off part of cousin Chrissy's left earlobe. But she was a bitch and deserved it, so no one minded. Even the sheriff agreed not to press charges. Uncle Rastas never had another accident over the next 15 years he kept throwing knifes at people. I learned a lot from him.

Christopher at Christmas: carving the turkey?

Christopher wrote:

Dear Tossing Girl,

I'm not sure whether knife throwing is one of the hottest ideas I've ever heard or one of the worst... I like edgeplay, and that certaintly qualifies!

-Christopher

Birdparty wrote:

Tell me more about your experience with edgeplay. I have never met anyone else before who sees how erotic throwing knives can be.

Christopher wrote:

My definition of edgeplay probably deviates from the standard. I think of it as anything that puts one or both parties WAY out of their comfort zone and wouldn't even register as something likely to be a fetish in most peoples minds.

My experiences?

Sex outdoors at gunpoint. Being held underwater forcibly during oral. Full on fighting before/during sex. Cutting.

Others: asphixiation, rape fantasies, skydiving, the inclusion of fire.

The common factor, again, is to put you way they hell outside your comfort zone.

There is a secondary attraction to it, I suppose, in the showmanship aspect to it. I love to make a scene actually a "scene", and again... there is something about the carnival allure that falls into that catagory with thrown knives.

-Christopher

Birdparty wrote:

You had sex outdoors at gunpoint? That sounds really hot. Would you mind giving me a few more details about it? I'd like a blow-by-blow if possible.

I completely agree about the carnival aspect of it. That is exactly what turns me on. Would you be willing to let me staple your scotrum to your leg? I had a boyfriend for a while who was into that, and boy was it hot.

Christopher wrote:

It was really hot... but a blow-by-blow? Wouldn't that take some of the mystery out if it? Without going into great detail, let me say that there is just something about a girl in combat boots and shorts being forceful with a gun to my temple...

Staple... ouch... sorry, gotta go with a definite maybe on that one! Let me think about it.

-Christopher

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Christopher -- I use ginsu knives and I have even given a few girlfriends of mine haircuts with the knife. I even tried to set up a ginsu knife hair salon, but I could not obtain the proper licenses, so I gave up the idea.

Would you be willing to let me fellate you while I hold a spear to your throat? God, that is really hot.

Gloria

Birdparty wrote:

Dear Gloria,

I am really turned on... I'm a guy who gets off on power exchange and sharp things. You're obviously a touch dangerous.

As to the ginsu-haircut idea... hmm... do you really still want to do that? I like to think of myself as someone who makes things happen. While business permits aren't my specialty, it would be an interesting side-quest to my current situation to look into it for you if you like.

When would you like to meet? My phone number is (916) [deleted]. I'm a Sacramento transplant-- that's the explanation of the (916). I'm free much of the time-- I am gainfully employed (more or less) but make my own hours.

-Christopher

Birdparty wrote:

If you'd like, you can take me to a nice dinner and I can beat you about the head and buttocks with your filet minion -- inflicting pain and a good bit of public humiliation on you.

After we leave the restaurant, I want to affix a nipple clamp onto you, attach the other end to the Muni, and have you dragged down the street by your nips.

Christopher wrote:

Dear Gloria,

Generally I pass on overtly public play (Power Exchange or Burning Man being possible exceptions), though d/s play done covertly (semi covertly? almost obvious?) would definitely be a new realm of exciting things for me.

Being beaten with food -- now that's unique! Not my first choice, but I won't object if it does something for you.

All this is really hot. Damn I'm ready to get started!

-Christopher

Birdparty wrote:

Do you want me to set my hair on fire?

Christopher wrote:

I imagine you have something unique in mind for that, so I'll go with yes! Don't be too put off if I'm a touch of a spoilsport and keep a bucket of water handy to put it out should it get out of control and actually threaten to harm you. I know its slightly less hair-raising that way, but precautions ensure you will be around for future sexy-insane fun!

Verbal Diarrhea seeks Golden Showers

2005-04-06T16:11:00.000-07:00

Goggles would be more effective

Ex Smut Stud Seeks Yellow Love Juice Nurse Maids - 38
Reply to: anon-60862@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-10, 1:16AM PST

I'm a former adult actor and I can't cum anymore in 12 mph monster cum shot load buckets like I used to when I was in my jizz geyser prime in the movies. And so now my ultra erotic fetish is taking long hot pees all over ladies' faces and in their mouths. I'm looking for mature full figured women who are heavily into it, are used to the taste and flavor and like to bathe in, get hosed down and swallow warm yellow love nourishment. Serious GS fans only. Veterans or first timers welcome. No gays, poseurs or pros.

Birdparty wrote:

Hi -- My ex hosed me down a few times and I loved it. I am relatively new this, though, since he only did it a few times and we were usually drunk. But now I want to do it with a seasoned pro like you. Will you be my golden showers teacher?

Hank wrote:

Hi:

I'd be glad to "shower you the ropes" so to speak. I'm able to piss with a hard-on, which should make it all the more erotic.

I tend to consider it an act of love making, since I'm very sensitive bewteen my legs and it often feels like a long, hot orgasm when I pee.

Like to save large amounts, be sucked and swallowed while I'm peeing or give a shower in the mouth and all over the face from far away.

Tell me more about you. Maybe sometime we'll meet and trade love juices. I live in Studio City.

Peace, love

Hank

Birdparty wrote:

Hank, I'd like you to shower my entire body, with a focus on my face, in your golden love juice. I want it in my mouth, up my nostrils and even in my eyes. It stings but I love to see through golden goggles. Then I want to deepthroat you thoroughly and to piss-completion, with you ejaculating your urine down my throat. This will require a lot of volume.

Before we meet for the golden showers tutoring, is there anything I should do in advance? Any training or equipment I need?

Hank wrote:

Wow, what a kinky passionate response. I think this might be an ongoing, long-lasting oral sex food feeding affair.

I've attached 3 more pics. Two of me with girls, one hardcore, one a still shot and another with me on a rollercoaster at Magic Mountain.

Not a cloud in sight, but showers are ahead!

Mind you, I'm past my glory days. Gained weight and I'm about 6 ft, 190 lbs., 8 inches plus and thick.

Don't need any special equipment unless you'd like to drink my juices from a straw or a glass. I can also start and stop the flow so we can kiss and swap the yellow lust juice between us during our lovemaking. Condom only for penetration. But I am also VERY ORAL. I give as well as I receive. And then some. This is no hoax. I am no pretender.

I hope to bathe your face and body and fill your tummy with pee love.

I work online as a writer, so I'm busy a lot. But we can schedule to meet sometime in the next few weeks. There's a 7 11 near where I live in Studio City. But you have to come get me and then host. Is that ok?

For a profile on me and a list of my movies, follow this link:

http://excaliburfilms.com/pornlist/malepgs/Hank_Rose.htm [WARNING - NSFW: This is a link to an X-rated Web site]

I need to have you bathe in and swallow my piss. Every drop.

So bad

Lust Wishes,

Hank

Birdparty wrote:

Hank, I love your idea about drinking your urine out of glasses. How about a champagne glass? After your cork pops, we will fill up the glass with your kidney champagne and I will consume it with the style, class, grace and elegance fitting your glorious yellow love liquid. We can toast to piss, each with our own glass. Of course, I will also want to drink it directly from your piss fountain.

Picking you up at a 7/11 near your house and taking you back to mine shouldn't be a problem. Why do you need to do this? Was your driver's license suspended? It doesn't make a difference to me piss-wise, just curious.

Your bio was an interesting read. Are you still happily married? I want you to drain your main vein all over my face in either case.

What do you think is the kinkiest thing we could do with your pee pee?

Lusting for your Love Liquid,
Gloria

Hank wrote:

Gloria:

No longer married. But I am attached. So it would have to be in the daytime hours while my roommate has the car at work. She doesn't even know about my porn past or just how kinky I am. I retired from the biz in '98, so...

This kind of lovemaking raises my libido and lust to a crescendo because I never got to do it in front of a camera in my career. It's more of a turn on as an act of lust and desire when piss is treated as a normal love drink like cum.

You seem like such an erotic wordsmith like myself. Do you have a career in the literary field? I got my start in the blow biz as a writer and was published long before my adult days. I'm currently writing my memoirs. Maybe you can help me.

Of course I'd be open to toast one another and return the flavor. I love to consume or get wet with any and all juices that come from a vagina. No matter how full my bladder is, I like to extend longlasting yellow lovemaking by taking it slow and milking the sessions for as long as possible.

In a sense I believe piss love is the most profound form of love that there is.

Golden highlights, at least

I have a very strong prostate and a very sensitive pee hole that makes pissing feel like an orgasm at times. In my porn glory days, I used to literally piss cum at my best. Now I can't do it anymore, so pissing piss is that much more satisfying because it lasts longer.

The heat and warmth of piss love can bring on an almost ethereal emotional security that two people can share. If you gargle, drip and drool my piss, play nasty oral games with it and treat it as a form of sex food or beverage you'll steal my heart and we'll probably create an unbreakable bond beyond love and sex.

When I'm drinking a female I like to stick my tongue in her pee hole as it exploads and showers me. What is your piss-showering drink of choice?

Hope you like Gatorade. Before we meet I'll be sure to drink at least half a gallon to prepare for our piss love worship. I can't wait.

Yellow Love & Lust,

Hank

Birdparty wrote:

Dearest Hank --

I just got back from some Easter festivities. Egg hunts and chocolate bunnies are all fun and nice, but the whole time all I could really think about was being a bladder bunny, hopping around in search of some steaming hot wee wee.

Does asparagus make your pee smell? It gave my ex-boyfriend's piss a nice musty scent that drove me wild. I liked for him to empty out his asparagus nectar all over my bush. After creating a pussy/piss swamp down there, he would slurp up his asparagus waste water with abandon. Seeing him emerge from between my legs with a mouth full of pubes and pee made me so hot that I would temporarily lose control of my urinary faculties.

The piss I like best is the dehydrated kind after a night of hard drinking. I love all the concentrated glory of dehydration piss. The thickness and dark yellow hue make me wet, in more ways than one. Speaking of dehydration, would you be up for a little Terri Schiavo play? I would like to get some plastic tubing to serve as my feeding tube. We can insert it into my mouth and you can feed me all the nutrients needed to sustain life.

Waiting in Wetness to hear from you,

Gloria

Hank wrote:

Gloria:

Your passionate verbal abilities are starting to grow on me and win my heart and soul like a love/lust magnet. You're almost nastier and kinkier than some porn starlets of my jizz biz heyday. So in my mind that raises a red flag of too-good-to-be-true caution or trepidation.

Hank's jizz bizz heyday was clearly in the '80s

I'm as straight as can be sex-wise. But I get occasional gay poseurs who play cyberspace mind games, so I can be cautious. What I usually do is offer them a compromise. They match me up with the real thing and in return I link them to reliable X web contacts for homo dates.

However, I hope to God you're a real lady and I'm wrong in your case. My girlfriend, who just left for work before I started writing this, is a sexual babe in the woods. She could never understand or be mature and uninhibited enough to delve into my kind of unbridled lust.

If I've met my match in you, then I've been blessed with a kindred spirit so completely on my erotically intellectual and emotional wavelength that I find myself falling in love with you. Don't know what to say except that each steamy E mail builds my desire for you. If you are a legit female, then I predict that we'll be sharing yellow and white love juices for the rest of our lives.

I'll follow this E mail up with a brief sketch of my life story. Where I grew up, how I came out west to do porn and the Freudian and genetic source of my world class sexual addiction.

I am full of pee bliss and ready to share our bond of piss.

I love you,

Hank

Birdparty wrote:

Hank, darling, I understand your concern regarding homosexuals. I am even proud of your kindness to fruits trying to hoodwink you. But I assure you, I do pee sitting down (although I look forward to discovering more positions with you!)

I have a sex drive that cannot be quenched. Hopefully, though, you'll be able to quench my piss thirst. Your tolerance and even passion for homos in heat, however, does make me wonder, did you ever go over to that side after growing tired of the skin skanks? I've heard a lot of heterosexual men did because the pay is better. In college, guys at bars used to buy my friend Pauline and I drinks in exchange for making out with each other. One time we ate each other's pussies under a table for some crack cocaine. I'm not a lesbian, but it was well worth it.

I guarantee you I am a girl and indeed I'm a Golden Girl. No, not an old bag in Miami, but a true believer in the power of piss. Do you want to create a wee wee wetland in my woo woo? After you irrigate it, do you want to drain it dry and harvest some of my pubic crops as you go? California is the number one agriculture producing state in the nation, and I need you to fertilize my Mojave with your Miracle Gro. My pubes are so hot they are beginning to burn like a wildfire. I need your hose to extinguish the blaze!

Yearning for Yellow,
Gloria

Hank wrote:

Gloria:

In my gut, heart and soul I know I have finally met my sexual soul mate match in you. You have a way with words that gives away what an extreme ultra nymphomaniac you must be.

Your passion almost brings me to tears and I do have a sentimental side. But I'm way too masculine a man to have ever remotely considered gay experimentation. I'm a dominant hetero male who can reverse role play with the right female. While I do believe gay people are reincarnated from the opposite sex and that they can't deny their past life sexuality, I am certainly not one of them.

I grew up a motherless child in New England and LA and made a solemn vow to myself that I'd become a world class lover as an adult to make up for the unconditional love I missed out on as a kid. When I'm old and on my death bed, they won't need to give me morphine. They can just show me my greatest hit old movies of various ladies eating my cum before I fade into the next world.

Because of my long lost missing mommy, I've put ladies on a pedestal since I was old enough to masturbate to Catwoman on the old Batman TV series. I've always had a taste for either older mother figures or earthy, kinky mature ladies who go to the absolute lust limit to express their love and sexual passion.

We now live in the beginning of America's end days. So sick, gross, sexual debauchery is a comforting emotional escape away from the political and religious fools who are hastening armageddon both here and abroad. So you are my Mrs. Sodom and I'll be your Mr. Gomorrah.

I would not trade a President's power or a billionaire's money for the kind of lust I could experience with a total love body fluid receptacle like you. What kind of vagina do you have? Be descriptive. Certain types with huge flower lips, wide holes and sensitive clits drive me crazy with lust. I get the same hunger pains Terri Schiavo must have gotten in her final days. I am dying to eat your pussy. The world may have starved Terri, but we'll feed each other and show them the meaning of liquid love.

Hot piss and warm cum regards,

Hank

Birdparty wrote:

Dearest Hank,

Hearing about your motherless childhood was touching and nearly brought a tear to my eye. I can serve as your surrogate piss mother, with you suckling my bush beverage and I guzzling your dick drink through a sterilized feeding tube, hydrating me with such volume that my internal organs are drowning.

You asked for descriptive detail about how my vagina looks. Instead of just telling you about its appearance, I want to take you on a journey through it. Entering my pussy palace is like taking a journey into the rain forest. Moist, wet, and deep, it supports a variety of life forms. My hair is lush like the vines of a tropical plant, leading you to the petals of my flowering labia. Like the night blooming Moonflower, my petals unfold only at certain times. My sensitive bud awaits your pollination. Dark red in color, many bees have buzzed around my nectar, but it only flows like a water fall for you, Hank.

What about urine enemas? Will you piss up my ass to cleanse all that bad stuff out of there? Urine is the most pure substance on earth and for that reason I want to clean my dirtiest part with it. Can you fuck me anally and urinate the whole time, filling me up and turning my ass into a piss balloon?

Yours in Yellow,
Gloria

Hank wrote:

Piss Princess:

I need to play yellow mouth, pussy and ass house with your holes next week when my roommate's on the late shift. I'll take the day off and tell my boss that I'm piss love sick. That would give us 1/3 day of pee passion.

I'll pass my urine into as many holes as you want even though I have an oral fixation first and foremost because felching love juices creates the most awesome human bonding of all. We can mutually piss in a nice warm snug 69 position, timing the squirts of yellow love to fill each other's mouths in rhythm.

We both desire each other's love bonding fluid with yearning as our stomachs gurgle with hunger pains for the taste, smell and sensory happiness of merging our yellow orgasm lust glue.

Be my friend, my soul mate, my lover and my mommy. Please. I'm just a motherless child who became a man in porn when what I needed was a one in a million woman like you, Gloria.

When I pee, swallow it all, hug me, hold my hand and say you love me.

Hank

Swept off her feet

2005-04-04T16:47:00.000-07:00

Seeking feet to service in Nawlins

Foot Worship - m4w - 43
Reply to: anon-63280515@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-11, 8:03AM CST

I'm interested in rubbing....kissing...sucking your feet. I am available for daytime lunch (if you like) with me munching your feet. If interested in this experience as well, contact me...females only!

Birdparty wrote:

I recently moved to the Big Easy, but I have found big foot lovers not easy to come by. Your ad was so refreshing, as I am desperately seeking an effective foot lover. I like to have a man suckle my toes and caress the whole of my foot. I prefer worship of only My Left Foot; I like to have my right foot left alone. Will you properly worship My Left Foot?

Nawlins Man wrote:

I am a foot lover. Mostly I want to bring you whatever pleasure you desire. If its just your left foot that you require attention, then so be it..... I will give your foot the pleasure it deserves.

Birdparty wrote:

I have attached a pic of my feet.

The Feet of a Goddess

When my toenails grow long, I like to have a true foot lover such as yourself chew the nails right off. Would you would be willing to gnaw on my long toenails?

What do you like to do to feet?

Nawlins Man wrote:

I would do what makes you have pleasure. If its to chew your nails off with my teeth...then that is what I will do. As far as other pleasures....I can use my face as a face stool if u require. Will wash your feet..pamper in what ever way I can bring you pleasure. I can also be dressed as you require.....if u have something u wish me to wear...I would change into... Thank you for your foot pic.....it seems to be very goddess like...:)

Birdparty wrote:

I want you to eat the toenails you clip off with your teeth. I currently have a nasty fungal infection under my toenails; this isn't a problem is it? It is not very contagious. That's part of why I want you to nibble at my toenails -- it feels so good on my festering foot fungi. Will you dress up in a Payless Shoe Source uniform I have while you service my feet? Also, are you game for public foot service?

Payless for toenail clippings

Nawlins Man wrote:

I'm definetly feeling your very real foot desires. Your fungal infection I hope is not too contagious...though I may need to do some research. I would love to smell your foot, as some odors are very erotic. I'm wondering if your fungi is one of them. Also dressing up for you is no problem I'm 5'11 185# so large shirt..size 34-36 pants would be required.

Public foot service....is possible after we have played some and comfort level is achieved. We can maybe meet and I can massage and inspect...smell your left foot in a car meeting?

Hope to hear from you soon.... for your foot.

Birdparty wrote:

Given the size you described to me, I think you will fit into my Payless uniform nicely.

As for my fungal infection, it's really not that bad. It is under control but a tad contagious.

Please tell me how you got interested in feet in the first place. I find this information necessary for us both to have an enjoyable foot experience.

Nawlins Man wrote:

I have been attracted to this fetish for some time. I found myself getting aroused as I saw a womans foot. The thought of kissing, licking between those toes...and sucking on them real good made me very hot. I even think about sucking the big toe as it was a cock..trying to get it off. Also the aroma coming out of a sandle makes me hot. I could lie down while you rubbed your feet all over my face. I also think about inserting your big toe in my ass....and riding it. However I will do whatever gets you off....the hotter you get the hotter I get. What are your thougths.....sounds like we could have lots of fun with this...

Birdparty wrote:

I can see that you are as devoted to the foot as I am.

I really like your idea of sucking my big toe as if it were a cock and trying to get it off. You can get it off if you work diligently. As I told you, I have a fungal infection under my toenails and sometimes a lot of puss and other fungal juices build up in there. If you suck my toe properly, some of that watery foot fungus mix is likely to spurt out -- my toe cumming with delight. Will you swallow my toe fungus cum?

Some fungal foot odors are very erotic -- does this look like one?

Nawlins Man wrote:

I would allow for your cocktoe to spurt in my mouth and I would devour the foot juices you set forth.

Tell me more about you...

Birdparty wrote:

I work as a cocktail waitress at the Harrah's casino. I have been down here for about a year.

I became interested in footplay in the fourth grade. That year, our family dog Fluffy licked my foot one night while I watched TV. My foot started tingling immediately. I became weak in the knees and soon my coochie was starting to get wet. At first I thought there was something wrong with me, because a dog was bringing me so perilously close to orgasm, but then I realized it wasn't the dog, it was my foot. I used to pay boys in my class 50 cents to lick my foot until Mr. Fishpaw, the teacher, found little Dougie Johnson servicing my foot in the coat closet. We were both disciplined and after that the only person to lick my foot for years was my Aunt Flo. I am not a lesbian by any means, but foot love is universal. Flo died in a bumper car accident a few years back, but the memories of her sticking that nice big tongue of hers between my toes has always left me with a warm feeling.

But enough about me....tell me how you became interested in the foot.

Nawlins Man wrote:

Well, few years back I was really interested in submission play with a Domme. I was forced daily to lick her foot...I became very aroused when I started sucking her big toe as a cock. I found myself after that getting hard if I noticed a female foot in an open type sandle.

The thought of sniffing and sucking toes after they have been in a sandle for a few hours is just making me real hot. Its like a drug...I need to get a fix....I need to suck..lick...smell...feet. The nastier..kinkier the better...I love being forced to jack off on a foot then licking my cum clean off..

Toilet Slave ISO Chinchilla Heaven

2005-03-30T23:08:00.000-08:00

He prefers a frilly apron while toilet cleansing

Toilet slave at your service - m4w
Reply to: anon-65616605@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-26, 8:56PM EST

Fit, professional WM seeks to scrub and clean the bathroom of a lady in the dc area. i can provide a nice gift to you in exchange for cleaning your bathroom.

slave danny

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Slave Danny -- My toilet is very dirty. Very messy. Are you sure you can handle it? And what's the nice gift?

Slave Danny wrote:

hi, thank you for the note and yes, i would spend as many hours as needed on my knees scrubbing and cleaning your toilet to make it sparkle. i would gladly take you shopping or bring a gift that would please you. my cell is 703-[deleted] and i have a yahoo profile at:

http://profiles.yahoo.com/[deleted]

i am off this friday and have a new apron and $100 as a gift for you if you need me to clean your nasty toilet.

danny

Birdparty wrote:

Will you be erect as you clean?

Slave Danny wrote:

Yes Ma'am, kneeling by a toilet and scrubbing it is very exciting for me; i have a very frilly apron and would wear boxer shorts while cleaning for you if you wish.

Birdparty wrote:

I would prefer nude, with only apron. What turns you on about nude toilet cleaning? What if it's really dirty?

Also, could you please send a photo where I can actually see you.

Slave Danny wrote:

thank you for allowing me to see your photo; very nice. i have attached mine as instructed. there is something about doing something so nasty like this that it excites me. the dirtier your toilet, the better, and i would have it sparkling before leaving.

Danny: Toilet Slave

Birdparty wrote:

If it is clogged and shit encrusted, would that be a problem?

Slave Danny wrote:

no, that is no problem and i work as long as needed to unclog it. would it be possible to watch you use the toilet for my reward if i clean it good for you?

Birdparty wrote:

If the bowl is truly spotless, I might allow you to watch me take a dump in it. But I might not even have to poop when you are done. But if I do, you'll have to clean it again.

Slave Danny wrote:

to watch you take a dump inspires me even more to work harder. i will be glad to bring the toilet bowl cleanser, etc.

Birdparty wrote:

If I mess in my pants before you come over, will you clean those too?

Slave Danny wrote:

yes, i would wash them by hand until they are spotless. have you ever peed or pooped on a man?? that is a fantasy i have had for a long time but never realized.

Birdparty wrote:

Why don't you clean the toilet first? If I am not satisfied with the job, I will punish you by rubbing my poopy underpants in your face. Then I'll force you to hand wash them with soap and urine while you still have my mire covering your face.

Slave Danny wrote:

of course, whatever you say. if you are pleased with me, i can be a toilet slave for you as often as you need me and will have a gift for you each time i visit.

please think of me when you flush the toilet today,
Slave Danny

Birdparty wrote:

My roommate Mindy's pet chinchilla, who we named Toeless after he chewed one of his toes off, last night died in the toilet. It is clogged up with shit and he fell from the tank into the bowl. It was possibly a suicide.

Would you mind cleaning the dead chinchilla out of the bowl, as well as all the poop?

Toeless in happier times

Slave Danny wrote:

whoa, shit is ok but a dead chinchilla!!

Birdparty wrote:

I'd love have to have a cleaning Friday or this weekend -- the sooner the better. But we have a rotting chinchilla carcass we need removed from the bowl while it is cleaned. If you are not willing to take care of Toeless, the dead chinchilla, we will have to look elsewhere for
these services.

Slave Danny wrote:

i will be glad to come by this friday. To show my sincerity to serve you, i will remove the dead chinchilla before starting on the shit and toilet scrubbing.

Toeless didn't have nine lives

Birdparty wrote:

We are unable to use the toilet while Toeless is in there, so as you can imagine, we are in a bit of a rush to get things cleaned out. Would Friday work? In the meantime, I have dug a hole in the backyard and Mindy and I have been using that in lieu of the toilet. Things are getting a bit stinky.

We'd also like to have a funeral for Toeless. Since I already dug the shithole out back, maybe we can just add him to it and then fill it in with dirt, once the toilet is functional again of course.

I was considering planting some tomato plants on the shit/chinchilla grave. I suspect the combination will be an excellent fertilizer. Do you have a green thumb?

Please wear black, in respect for our pet. We are considering having a reception including appetizers after the burial and cleaning.

Danny wrote:

a chinchilla funeral will be something i will never forget; yes i have a sexy black apron and can wear that to show my respects.

Respectful and practical, yet sexy

Slave Danny wrote:

Mindy and I greatly appreciate your sensitivity during this difficult time for us. As you can imagine, Toeless was more to us than just 1/104th of a coat -- he was a member of the family. When he died, we asked ourselves what we could have done to prevent this tragedy, but we will never know.

You see, Mindy is Catholic and felt that Toeless did not deserve to be buried in the backyard with our other pets due to his supposed suicide, but I think even the pope would excuse this as an accident.

I am Jewish so as the chincilla is tattoo free, I have no problem with his burial.

We look forward to meeting a man as kind and generous as yourself. When are your times of availability on Friday?

Slave Danny wrote:

i will be on my best behavior during this difficult time for you and if there is chinchilla heaven somewhere, i am sure Toeless is romping with his bretheren even as we speak. i can arrive by 11 am on friday or later if you need more time for mourning.

Birdparty hits a new low

2005-03-29T19:02:00.000-08:00

In need of a feeding tube

Seeking my own Michael - w4m - 29
Reply to: anon-65986619@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-29, 1:31PM EST

I want you to come over, mount me while I sit in my chair, and fuck the shit out of me as I sit motionless, in a vegetative state. Maybe if you can get your feeding tube in deep enough, brain activity will commence.

Guys who look like Jeb Bush a plus.

Chris wrote:

I would say call me your daddy, but you won't be able to speak until my thick cock is all the way down your throat, hitting your brain membrane which will cause you to speak. I will get on top of you and fuck your mouth until I cum all over you, filling you with protein.

I am a laidback clean professional male, VERY interested in helping you obtain a feeding tube....and I am attractive and fit. I never thought something like this would turn me on, but for some reason it did.

Birdparty wrote:

Your feeding tube is getting me so hot! I need your feeding tube to stay alive. Do you look like Jeb Bush?

Chris wrote:

You will be fed with my warm thick load, only. You will only be allowed to eat my load and thats it. I will feed you all the jizz you need to survive. Enough protein to last for days. You won't be able to move or do anything until you get a hot load down your throat. Once you get that load, possibly a miracle will happen and you will be able to ask for other necessary things you might like.

Here is my pic attached, let me know if you are interested.

He looks different in a Jeb Bush mask

Birdparty wrote:

I am definitely interested. My family is petitioning the court to allow regular seminal feedings to keep me alive. The doctors say my brain is liquefied -- but that cums only after you fill my head with loads and loads of your life-sustaining jizz.

Chris wrote:

My jizz is high protein-based, it will sure do the trick. It has a special texture and taste to it that only could keep you alive. I will fill your brain with all the hot loads I can...which is MANY...after MANY.. When do you want to get the procedure done to keep you alive?

Birdparty wrote:

As soon as my nurse can wheel me over to your place. I don't think the kind of thing we plan on doing would go over very well here in the nursing home.

I am in Pinellas Park. Where are you? Clearwater I hope.

Chris wrote:

How long will it take the nurse to get to my place? I have two places where the miracle can happen,. One in Saint Pete, and one in Tampa. We are on the 11th day..we don't want anything more bad to go wrong, better be sooner than later. What does the patient look like?

Birdparty wrote:

The courts have refused to feed me and you are my only hope. I need your protein tube. My parents want to file court papers all day, but all I want is to be defiled. Gov. Bush tried to save my life and I want to be fed his Republicock. Will you wear a Jeb Bush mask while you pound life down my throat?

Jeb wants to feed

Chris wrote:

Its too bad the courts have refused you again. I will come to the rescue. I will let you eat my republicock to survive. I will pound your throat so hard to make sure you survive, with my hot jizz shooting all down it. This is your only chance of survival. I will wear a Jeb Bush mask to ensure your survival.

Can my chimp watch?

2005-03-27T17:21:00.000-08:00

You can fart in his face, for a price of course

Are you a plus-sized woman tired of looking? - m4ww - 28
Reply to: anon-63009004@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-14, 1:01PM EST

Are you tired of hooking up with men that just don't fulfill your needs?

Do you want a big, thick cock to use and abuse for as long as you'd like?

Do you want a well-built, very attractive, very smart and easy going white male that would be willing to $atisfy your every need... emotionally, phy$ically, orally, anally, manually?

If you answered yes to any of these, please respond for further information.

Birdparty wrote:

Hi -- I am pretty fat. Is that a problem? I figured I'd just get that out of the way up front. If you are looking for a woman who is merely not bulimic, I am not for you. I am large and in charge. I like nasty and raunchy sex. If you are up for this, email me back and tell me what kind of thing you'd like to do.

H J wrote:

Nope... that's why I posted.

I'd like to do all sorts of things... Hit me back if you're interested. I like hard, ass-slapping sex....

Birdparty wrote:

How much will you pay me?

H J wrote:

I'm an escort, hence, the dollar $ign$ in my ad. If you are still interested, let's talk.

Birdparty wrote:

Oh, I thought you were going to pay me for my rolls.

But I guess you can charge fat chicks more, so it's more profitable.

H J wrote:

No, not really. I have all types of clientelle...

but, large women tend to be a lot more friendly and don't normally ask to beat the shit out of my ass with a dildo.... ;)

Birdparty wrote:

Oh, skinny girls like to give it to you in the ass with a dildo? That’s interesting. Do you take it? And what's the fee?

H J wrote:

A lot of them do... most of the skinny girls like to dominate guys like me.. I'm kind of a big guy, good looking, so I think they get off at causing me pain, like an ex-boyfriend did to them or something.

I can take it to a point. Not bi or anything, but I've had fingers and small dildos and strap-ons in my ass. Gets uncomfortable after a while, but I set limitations before we begin so they are aware.

Depends... ass play is at minimum, $200/hr. But, oral and regular sex is negotiable.

Birdparty wrote:

It's mostly angry white girls who hate their ex-boyfriends or fathers so they want to pay you to take it out on you with a dildo? What's the biggest you've ever taken?

H J wrote:

Yep. Skinny white girls... I've had a few angry asian girls too.

8", but very skinny. 5" with girth was the most painful.

Birdparty wrote:

Do you take it all the way? Do these girls use lube? Who supplies the dildo? How do you know it's clean?

H J wrote:

Not the 8", but all of the 5" from hell. Plenty of lube with a nice, slow start... they supply the dildo, I supply the rubber that goes on it.

Birdparty wrote:

You ever do a strap-on?

H J wrote:

Yes. twice.

Pretty fun. Both were good people to do it with.

Birdparty wrote:

Oh really, why were they good to take it from?

H J wrote:

They were easygoing and respected my limits.

So... are you interested in something?

Birdparty wrote:

Well, that depends. What services do you offer and at what price? Do you have a face pic? Please do not send me a dick pic -- I am at work and do not need to look at that sort of material here.

Also, will this be an in or out call?

H J wrote:

Outcall only.

Here is a face pic... PLEASE be discreet.

Name what services you are looking for and I will quote you a price, then we can go from there.

Birdparty wrote:

Do you like to eat ass? I like to put a maraschino cherry right up my ass and then have a man slowly extract it with his tongue and eat it.

Ass candy

H J wrote:

I can do that... obviously, as long as you're showered and stuff.

I do like to eat ass, by the way...

Do you like other assplay?

Birdparty wrote:

I love ass play, and I always keep my bottom clean. But since I eat so much food that really isn't good for me, I fart a lot. Would you be willing to let me fart in your face?

Also, what are the rates?

H J wrote:

If you're into humiliation, ass-play, stuff like that, looking for 150/hr.

Birdparty wrote:

I have a ham sandwich stuck in one of my rolls somewhere, but I lost it. Do you want to play Find the Ham Sandwich? The winner gets to eat it. How much is that per hour? It shouldn't be much, considering that a meal is provided.

Somewhere in those rolls...

H J wrote:

Maybe you can do us both a favor and eat a shotgun blast. Then, you can have your blubber shipped overseas and feed a small tribe for a month.

Don't waste my fucking time. Do me a favor and lose my email address, okay?

Birdparty wrote:

Why did you suddenly become so abusive? What pissed you off? You are a whore after all.

H J wrote:

Indeed I am... a whore that has better things to do than to talk to someone that's not serious about anything.

Birdparty wrote:

What do you have to do? Let some chick stick a dildo up your ass? Why is that acceptable but eating a ham sandwich from within my rolls is not? I fucking hate you fattists.

H J wrote:

Is that what you really want? To have me eat a ham sandwich from within your rolls and let you fart in my face? Please...

Birdparty wrote:

Yes I want to fart in your face and play Find the Ham Sandwich. What is so unbelievable about that? I had an ex I used to do that with, but since we broke up I haven't really been able to broach the topic with a man. When I bring it up, they get all weirded out and I say I was just kidding. I thought that maybe since you charge money for sex, I could do it with you. But I guess you're just an asshole like the rest.

H J wrote:

If you are dead serious about it, I will do it for 200/hr.

I still think you're full of shit.

Birdparty wrote:

You told me to shoot myself in the mouth and just told me I'm full of shit. I don't think the ambience would be right with that sort of attitude.

H J wrote:

Sorry if I sound a bit apprehensive, but I think you are just getting yourself off by seeing what you can make an escort agree to.

Birdparty wrote:

I am serious. I want to fart in your face and I want you to eat a ham sandwich from between two rolls under my armpit. I make a mean ham sandwich.

H J wrote:

Well, name the time and place. I am around all weekend.

Anything else on your mind, as far as things you'd like to do?

Birdparty wrote:

Yes, I want you to shave the whiskers off my face (I have a hormone imbalance) and then eat them. They are very tasty and will go well with a ham sandwich.

H J wrote:

Not doing that.

Birdparty wrote:

Why not?

H J wrote:

Listen, chatting is fun with you and all, but I actually have stuff to do.

If you want to meet, name a place and a time and what you expect to do, and I will quote a price. If not, stop emailing me.

Birdparty wrote:

I already told you, I want:

1.) To fart in your face
2.) For you to eat a ham sandwich from between two of my rolls of fat
3.) To have you shave my face during sex and then eat the whiskers

I am available to do this Thursday night or Saturday or Sunday during the day. I assume we could do it at my place.

I guess this stuff sounds weird, so you might think I'm some sicko fucking with you, but I am for real. My sexual desires are serious. I know they are bizarre -- that's why I'm paying for it!

H J wrote:

I'm all set with this. Good luck in finding someone that can provide these services for you.

Birdparty wrote:

You just told me to tell you what I want to do and to give you a time and place. I did that. Why are you backing out now?

H J wrote:

Because I don't need money that badly to be farted on, to eat a sandwich between fat rolls and to eat whiskers while having sex.

I'm sure you'll be able to find someone on here that enjoys providing services for your fetishes... I'm not one of them.

Birdparty wrote:

You will let a woman ram you with a dildo but you are afraid of farts, ham sandwiches and a little facial hair? I don't understand, I had mentioned them all before and you said you would quote me a price. Certainly there must be a price that's acceptable to you. Just name it.

H J wrote:

You only mentioned the whiskers a few emails ago. Besides, getting rammed with a dildo actually gets me aroused, unlike eating facial hair from a woman.

500. I am available Saturday during the day.

Birdparty wrote:

$500? OK.

You said $200 earlier. What if we eliminated eating the facial hair, and instead you would just shave it while we fuck, in addition to allowing me to fart in your face and eating the ham sandwich? Then what would the price be?

Saturday works for me.

H J wrote:

I did say 200, and I reconsidered.

if I do not have to eat your facial hair, I will do all of this for 350, including eating the maraschino cherry in your ass.

Give me an address and a phone #. What time Saturday are you looking for?

Birdparty wrote:

OK, great. Just one more thing, before we finalize everything: do you mind if my pet chimpanzee, Suzy Q, watches? I can put Suzy in her cage, but that usually makes her very angry and she is apt to throw her feces at us.

Suzy Q likes to watch

H J wrote:

You have got to be kidding me...

Birdparty wrote:

No I'm serious. Suzy Q is the cutest little thing!

H J wrote:

OK, that's fine.

Birdparty wrote:

For possible future visits, not necessarily Saturday, do you ever engage in threeways?

H J wrote:

Yes... all of the time.

Birdparty wrote:

Two guys and one girl or two girls and one guy?

Also how does this change the payment scheme?

H J wrote:

Both. Not into bi stuff though... only strap-ons w/females.

if I'm servicing 2 people, the pay scale about doubles...

Birdparty wrote:

But if the other person doesn't want to fart in your face or have a ham sandwich eaten from between rolls, I would imagine it would less than double, right? That seems only fair.

H J wrote:

True... depends on what you both want done.

Birdparty wrote:

What if the third party is a female chimp?

H J wrote:

try again.

Birdparty wrote:

Well Suzy Q largely just likes to eat bananas and diddle her chimpussy while watching me get plowed. I mean, she might lick your balls or something, but that's about as far as it would go.

H J wrote:

This conversation is over.

Birdparty wrote:

Why are you so uptight?

I've never heard of someone who gets paid to have sex having so many hang-ups and rules about what they're willing to do.

H J wrote:

Exactly... I get paid to have sex... not to eat sandwiches, not to get farted on, not to eat whiskers, not to engage in beastiality...

Find someone else to bother.

Birdparty wrote:

What if we increase the rate?

H J wrote:

No.

Birdparty wrote:

What's your price? I know you have one. Everybody does. Especially escorts.

H J wrote:

I will not take part in any animal play.

I have a well-paying, full-time career, and I do this solely for the thrill of it.

Birdparty wrote:

What if Suzy Q just watches? I told you that at most she would lick your balls. But I can muzzle her, so she will just stare at your balls, but not lick them. But she is apt to finger herself. Is this an acceptable compromise?

H J wrote:

I don't want any animals in the room, involved, nothing.

Birdparty wrote:

Well, I can put Suzy Q in her cage, but that usually makes her mad and sometimes she throws her feces at people when she's really upset. Are you sure muzzling Suzy Q won't be enough?

H J wrote:

I'm done with this. Stop emailing me please.

Birdparty wrote:

$1,000

H J wrote:

I will do it for 1000. Chimp must be muzzled though.

Just to make sure Suzy Q doesn't lick any balls

Birdparty wrote:

OK, so we're on for all the previous stuff I mentioned, with Suzy Q muzzled?

H J wrote:

Yes.

"I'm no prize, but I'll clean"

2005-03-24T21:45:00.000-08:00

Airborne fecal matter doesn't scare this man

Free housecleaning or waiter at party - m4w - 53
Reply to: anon-63269669@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-10, 6:31PM EST

Male will do free housecleaning for female or group of females. Will also serve as a waiter at any parties you may have. There is no cost to any of this. The only thing is I will do it all naked. No sex involved, just nudity on my part. Contact me if interested.

Birdparty wrote:

My house is a mess. I live with two other women, and both are very messy. We need someone to clean up nekkid while we watch. I'm talking heavy cleaning. What do you have offer?

Tommy wrote:

Offering good service, can do heavy duty cleaning for you. Anything else you may wish can be worked out. You need to be in the atlanta area. As a reminder this is a free service. All cleaning must be inside because I will be naked as I clean. Any other questions, just write back

Birdparty wrote:

Yes, we understand that your services are free and only to be performed indoors (but if you have a change of heart, we will entertain the possibility of you mowing the lawn or cleaning the gutters in the buff). The cleaning we need is indeed heavy duty, and in at least one case, heavy doody. I'm talking about a formerly clogged toilet with dried poop froth blanketing much of the bowl. Are you up to this task? We will provide the proper cleaning materials, or you may bring your own if you are more comfortable with them.

We live in Buckhead.

Tommy wrote:

Shouldn't be a problem. Depending on how bad it is, can't guaruntee it will be possible to get off all the old poop, but will try my best. Would not consider lawn mowing or gutter cleaning. First it would be a bit dangerous and second, easy chance to be spotted outside and possibly arrested. I have attached a pic. This will have to be done on a weekend as that is the only time I have off from work.

Birdparty wrote:

What, if I may ask, is Hedonism III? It sounds dirty. Was it? Please provide me with all the details and spare no kink. I understand your concern about being arrested while mowing the lawn nude. I have perhaps a compromise offer: you can mow the grass on our riding lawnmower, nude but with a tube sock over your penis. With your cock socked and your bottom facing the seat, none of your unmentionables should be exposed. Our neighbors are very understanding. They don't seem to mind when I wash my Thunderbird in buttless parachute pants.

If you want to stick to cleaning, that's fine, but it will be a bit sticky. In addition to the feces-encrusted toilet, we have a few spots on the carpet where Ruffles, my roommate Mindy's little Shih-Tzu, has pooped and peed all over. What would be your method to clean it up? We want the carpet spotless. There are also a few placenta stains from when Ruffles had puppies a few months back. I don't know if canine placenta requires heavy duty chemicals.

Ruffles, the placenta-spewing Shih-Tzu

Tommy wrote:

I think that your situation might need a professional. The feces cleaning especially needs this as I was checking on ways to possibly clean this and several sites I checked suggested the possibility of causing illness unless precautions are taken due to the fact that feces, even encrusted, can still have airborne bacteria when cleaning begins. But I am willing to try it.

To clean the carpet you might need professional steam cleaning. Maybe a carpet rental cleaner will do the job.

Birdparty wrote:

We cannot afford professional cleaning. You can wear a mask when cleaning the poop-encrusted toilet. And Ruffles' placenta stains aren't too bad. I am sure you can handle it. Is there anything we could offer to do for you in return?

We are young girls seeking the nude services of a generous man such as yourself. Mindy, my roommate, asked if she could masturbate as you clean. I told her I would have to ask you first. Would this be a problem for you?

Tommy wrote:

I just am afraid I can't do as good a job as a professional could as I don't have the proper equipment. But the price is right I guess. I have never done this before. I have offered before in various forums, but you are the first to take me up on it. As for Mindy masturbating, I don't have a problem with it if she doesn't. As for anything you can offer, there is nothing I can think of. Would it be possible to take a look first at what all you have? I am off Friday and of course for the weekend. If you wanted, I would do the "inspection" in the nude as well.

As you can see by the pic, I'm no prize, but I'll clean. You had asked about Hedonism III. It is a resort in Jamaica my wife and I went to last year. It is adults only and has a nude beach and nude pool. They also play some adult games like body shots at the nude pool. Just about anything goes there. A lot of stuff happens in the hot tub at night. Things such as blow jobs etc. We only saw one couple having sex during the week. But it is a fun place to be.

So let me know about the prior inspection and based on what it all would entail, and we can then and set up a time to do it.

Help Wanted: Sexretaries Apply Within

2005-03-23T07:48:00.000-08:00

CEO seeking sexretary

LOOKING FOR A SEXY OFFICE ASSISTANT!!! - m4w - 32
Reply to: anon-63740005@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-14, 3:03PM EST

Business owner seeks a sexy office assistant/sexretary for some part time work each week. Must be between the age of 18-30 and open for some adventure. Oh must be able to perform some light office work.

Birdparty wrote:

Hi -- I am currently between jobs and I was wondering what your office job consists of. What will be expected of me and what should I wear? Also, does this position provide health insurance?

Please let me know.

CEOinCharge wrote:

Hello,
The job is mainly role-playing. This really isn't a position I am expecting to fill. Just looking for someone to play the naughty office assistant role as part of a mutual sexual type of encounter. So the less you wear the better

Let me know if you are still interested.

Robert

Birdparty wrote:

Yes I am definitely interested in the position. Is it still open? I am. You said you aren't expecting to fill the position. Then what exactly do you plan to do with it? Usually when I'm in an open position, it is filled.

Please give me a better idea of the hours, pay, benefits, etc.

CEOinCharge wrote:

Well, if you put it that way...I am most definitely looking to fill THAT open spot. Just let me know what kind of bonus you are looking for. And when your available? Do you have a pic showing your entire body?

Birdparty wrote:

Tell me more about the position. You are providing precious few details. I need to have the job description and the compensation information. Certainly you would never accept a job without knowing what it was going to pay, would you?

Also, what type of office is this? Law? Doctor? Accountant? Do you have an electric typewriter? I like to straddle it and type with my large labia while my boss masturbates with a pencil sharpener.

Does this sound good?

Masturbation machine

CEOinCharge wrote:

Its plain and simple you come over fill out an application, crawl under the desk as I review your application......once I am completely finished with your application I bend you over the desk, pull your skirt down and take you from behind for a while...Then fully undress you and lay you back on the desk and spread or throw your legs up and fill you up with lots of love....Depending on how many words per min you can do I will determine if your company material ....

How's that for detail...Compensation depends on what your willing and not willing to do. I am open to what you feel is reasonable...I do not have a photo online yet...

Let me know what your willing to do, and how much you want for it as well as what your availability is.

Thanks,
Robert

Birdparty wrote:

Availability: anytime, as I am a student taking the semester off.

What I'm willing to do: anything and everything.

Compensation: preferably more than the minimum wage.

Your pic: non-negotiable, I must see it before I agree to anything.

Fetishes/fantasies: You fucking me on a typewriter while I take DICKtation.

Typewriter or loveseat?

CEOinCharge wrote:

I will get you a pic when I get the chance to dig one up. As far as compensation more than minimum wage isn't a problem. How much are you looking to make?

How well can you type as I am fucking you from behind?

MMM willing to do anything and everything? Are you sure? How about kinky cumshots in and out?

Birdparty wrote:

As long as you thrust smoothly while I type, I see no reason for that to bring down my words per minute.

I have been seeking a new position for a long time, and I think I can fill your openings, and you can fill a few of mine. Every opening is available and the more kinky cum shots in and out the better.

I'd like to make at least $11.25 an hour, including benefits. If you are STD free, I will not require health insurance, but I will demand a clean certificate of cock health.

I'd like for you to jizz in one of those envelope sealing bottles, and then seal letters with your man juice. We can mail out your bills like that.

Cumoistener

I have also always been turned on by the rubber finger tips that sexretaries use to open mail. Maybe you could put one of those on your finger and rub my clit with your man sealant.

Clit assistant

I guarantee your cock will be writing me up a letter of recommendation by the end of my first day on the blow job.

CEOinCharge wrote:

MMMM maybe you are the naughty assistant I have been waiting for.... How many hours are you looking to work? How often? For how long? Have any more pics of you?

Here a pic of me...Let me know what you think or if you have any other ideas or if you would like to cum in for an interview.

Robert

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Boss,

I'll work as long and as hard as your member. I will even be willing to put in overtime if you'll put it into me time over time.

Can I put this position on my resume? Are you interested in the suggestions I made before? Please let me know what other office responsibilities this job would entail. Please by very clear. I take outlined instructions best. Perhaps you could make me a priority list?

-Gloria

CEOinCharge wrote:

Gloria,

I finally get a first name!!!! You can call me Robert. Did you get my pic? Also let me know when you might be up for your first interview. I will email you Monday when I get back in town.

Keep up all the pure thoughts

Robert

Toy Story

2005-03-21T12:42:00.000-08:00

Toy soldier reporting for duty

toy shopping sat night with me??? - m4mw - 24
Reply to: anon-63074133@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-15, 10:59PM EST

if anyone is up for this let me know. that means you have to be 18 at least and no one over 26. thanks and email me back for details. send a pic if u dont mind. thanks again

Birdparty wrote:

What kind of toys are you looking for? I always liked Teddy Ruxpin.

Jonathan wrote:

im talking about sex toys... not little kid toys....where u from and how old r u?? would u be interested?? send me a pic of u to... peace

Birdparty wrote:

I am 22 and I think that children's toys and sex toys can be one in the same. I want you to insert a Barbie doll up my snatch while I use Ken for service between your cheeks. I'll rub his legs all over your ass. Also, I want you to cut a hole in my Cabbage Patch Kid and fuck it with your cock, cumming all over my little doll's face. I want you to sign Xavier Roberts on my ass with a Magic Marker.

Jonathan wrote:

man ur turning me on over here... id love a girl to do me with a strap on or just stick a toy in me and have the girl put a toy on my cock or something along those lines.....im a big freak so u just have to bare with me. im also a bisexual as well so if we got another guy that would be AWESOME....yea im pretty much up for anything... i only have one more pic but i do have a webcam on yahoo... my name is [deleted] so hit me up like now if u want... i'll be going to bed soon.... see ya sexy...

Birdparty wrote:

Your strap-on idea sounds very hot. How about if I get a She-Ra doll I still have from when I was a little kid and I duct tape it to myself? Her feet will be safely nestled in my cunt, with her body shooting out of me for maximum assplay pleasure.

Also, I was thinking, would you like me to feed you some little GI Joes? They taste very good. If you'd like, you can eat them out of my pussy or asscrack. With some honey, they are not difficult to swallow.

Remember those glow worms? I think I have one at my parents' house somewhere. Want to see how far we can get it inside you and see if we can light up your intestines?

Jonathan wrote:

ok that sounds really hot....id be in the mood either tomorrow night or next weekend..... im pretty much up for anything....do u have yahoo im?? if so im me at [deleted] and i'll be able to show u a little something something....is ur place available to do something like this?? we could grab some drinks tomorrow night(sat) and then take it from there....i'll eat ur pussy all night long.... no joke....ok heres a face pic the best i can do so if u have yahoo that would be a lot better if u cant see this pic.... peace babe..... cant wait to do this.......a strap on in me would be very HOT.....have me bend over and u go right in me... light me up with your glow worm…i’m getting hungry for gi joe… man oh man....id be loving this right about now... im really in the mood for some ass and pussy and dick action..... ok peace

FedEx me your Turds

2005-03-16T07:13:00.000-08:00

Relax, it's turd

FedEx me your Turds - 32
Reply to: anon-62723771@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-07, 4:53PM EST

Hi -- I am a sexy young woman who wants a man to FedEx me his crap in a Ziplock bag.

I will repay you with my own shit or with some old fingermails I've been saving up.

Rich wrote:

how did you find out you like crap....

Birdparty wrote:

I have always liked crap. When I was kid I would play with my poo poo. My mother would yell at me because I would poop in the sink and then splash around in it. It's great fun. Do you have turds to FedEx me?

Rich wrote:

yeah poo poo can be fun. I think we could have some fun. I attached a pic, can you send me a pic? do you have a fexEx acct?

Rich

This guy is actually willing to FedEx his poop

Birdparty wrote:

Can you tell me about the stool you'll be sending me? What will its consistency be? Also, what will you eat before you produce the turd? Anything special I can look forward to? If you want to include a few pubes or perhaps a Tupperware container of piss, I would greatly appreciate it.

Rich wrote:

I had beef stew last night, when I looked in the bowl what a great poo..I wish you were there...

Birdparty wrote:

Can you FedEx it to me ASAP?

Rich wrote:

I take great ones just about every morning send me your acct # and address

Suppository Sensuality

2005-03-14T06:59:00.000-08:00

A plethora of suppository options!

Suppositories with Discretion - m4w - 60
Reply to: anon-62722409@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-07, 5:14PM EST

Will discretely fulfill your suppository fantasy. No strings attached. No sex expected. Clean mature discrete professional gentleman.

Birdparty wrote:

What kind of thing might you be interested in doing with suppositories? I have some ideas, but I want to see what you have in mind before delving into them.

Ed wrote:

The whole procedure of exposing your anal area and slowly introducing the suppository, and leaving the finger in the anus until it dissolves is very erotic to me and hopefully to the receiver. What would interest you?

Birdparty wrote:

Ed,

I love suppository fun. I am so glad to have found someone who shares my interest! It's so lonely inserting them into my anus all by myself. I much prefer to have a man help me out. Do you only like to insert them into others, or are you up for taking a suppository all the way? Also, what are you favorite kind of suppositories? Which brands do you prefer?

I hope this doesn't sound too far out, but sometimes I eat suppositories or cook with them. I know it's weird, but I just think they are so cute and tasty. Would you like a ham and suppository sandwich? Suppository stew, perhaps?

So why don't you tell me a little about yourself and how you got interested in suppositories. And send a pic too. Then I'll respond with mine and some info about me.

I'd very much like to get to know you better. This could be the beginning of a lot of fun.

Gloria

Ed wrote:

Hi Gloria,

I enjoy inserting suppositories in others and also in receiving suppositories from a person who loves suppositories like you do.

Usually I use "off-the-shelf" glycerine suppositories from any of the drugstores. Years ago I did make some Giant Suppos by melting several of them.

Like I said in my ad, I am an older man and I need to be extremely discreet. I am sending you a picture of myself that needs to be also maintained in discretion.

Here's to suppositories!

I have never eaten suppositories, but suppository play sounds very good to me.

I await to hear from you.

Ed

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Ed,

I hope you are serious because this suppository stuff is getting me really excited.

As to your glycerine suppositories, do they send you immediately to the bathroom? My problem with the glycerine suppositories is that they turn me into a veritable doo doo drainpipe. Do you have any other suppositories you can suggest?

Tell me more about the suppositories you melted together to produce "Giant Suppos." Which different kinds of suppositories did you use? Did you insert them? How big were they -- grapefruit sized? I would love it if you could make some Giant Suppos for me.

I am so glad you are up for suppository dining. What are your favorite foods? Which ones would you like me to prepare with suppositories? I can make a mean creme bru-suppository. Perhaps a suppository dipping sauce for our fingers?

Tell me about other wild things you want to do with suppositories. I may be in my 40s, but I am young at heart, especially when it comes to suppositories!

I am attaching my picture, and like you, I need absolute discretion. One time the choir director found me inserting a suppository our church office. I was able to convince him that I needed it for medical purposes, but nonetheless it was terribly embarrassing.

I can't wait to hear back!

Gloria

Ed wrote:

Hi Gloria,

Thanks for your quick response. I am glad that we have met in pictures and that we are both suppository-inclined.

I think we should start by meeting and knowing more about each other's likes. Can we play suppositories at your place?

Next we need to know how far we are located from each other. I am about two miles west of South Coral Gables. How about you?

Suppos can be made of almost any material that will melt. Cocoa butter will work too. Even the largest Suppos I have made are not nearly as big as a grapefruit. Maybe a short candle.

If you have any of the chat services, maybe we can exchange views in one of them.

I will await your response

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Ed,

I live in Hialeah. Doing the suppository games at my place will be difficult, but not impossible. My daughter lives with me, and it would have to be done when she's not around. But we can work something out, I am sure, if you bring an array of Giant Suppos.

I'd like one of your Cocoa Butter Giant Suppos. Could you make it at least popsicle sized? I like my Suppos BIG. I am very absorbent. I have an idea for a Giant Suppo -- ear wax, bellybutton lint and maybe even a little bit of your smegma. God that would be hot.

Now, I must warn you, I have been a little yeasty lately. It smells like a brewery down there. My favorite way to take care of that is a vaginal suppository. Can you make a Giant Yogurt Suppo and feed it to my cooch? I'd like the Giant Yogurt Suppo in the front and a Cocoa Butter Suppo in my bunghole -- all at the same time! Oh that would be glorious!

Gloria

Ed wrote:

Gloria, Lets start planning. Before getting fancy on the Suppos maybe we should just start with simpler ones.

One way to create fast Suppos is with a bar of soap and a knife. Once cut it can be rounded smooth under running water. I am game to your suppository fantasies.

What times are good that your daughter is not around? I am in real estate so that gives me a bit of flexibility.

Close to where in Hialeah?

Sounds like you may need a douche or two before the Vaginal Suppo.

Is this yogurt based?

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Ed,

I'm sorry if I seem demanding about your Giant Suppos, but I am a Suppo Queen and I demand to be treated as such. As for your proposed Soap Suppo, I don't think I am interested. Won't it burn terribly? Once years ago I used soap as a lubricant for anal sex and I was not at all happy with the results. My ass was on fire for weeks.

My daughter is not around during the day, while she is at school, but unfortunately I work at the same times. In Hialeah, I live not far from the racetrack. Maybe, since my daughter poses a problem, we could go to the racetrack, and after placing our bets, retire to the bathroom for some suppository fun!

Tell me the wildest thing you've ever done with a suppository. I want to leave work today with a Suppo Fantasy.

Gloria

Ed wrote:

Hi Gloria

OK we'll get some suppositories not made out of soap. Is the race track operational? I thought it wasn't. I don't know if you work far away from home or not, because we could plan it for your lunch hour or something like that.

I really have not been very wild with suppositories but have played a bit with them through the years. My longest lasting suppository friend was a lady from Argentina who loved both giving and receiving them. We exchanged suppositories every week until her husband got transferred. She liked using the children's suppositories because they were long and thin. She would later like them pushed in real deep and held until she got goose bumps.

Long and thin...

If not cocoa butter bars, I could feed you a stick of butter. That wont burn at all and its not a tiny suppository.

If you want something that doesn't melt, then a candle might work..

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Ed,

If we used a candle as a suppository, could we get a scented one? I think that would really clean up the smell of my Hershey Highway a bit. If you are not adverse, I would like to try lighting the wick end of the candle.

I would be sure to get all my butt hair waxed in anticipation. There is nothing worse than the smell of burning hair, and I can only imagine ass hair would be the worst of all!

Let me know what you think,
Gloria

Ed wrote:

Hi Gloria,

You aren’t pulling my chain, are you? If not, would you be able to make it to your place during lunch hour today?

Birdparty wrote:

Ed:

I am completely serious. Are you backing out? I was hoping together we could push ourselves to the limits of Suppos fun.

Don't worry, we would establish a "safe word" in advance in case things became too intense.

I also have a dog that is fairly constipated. She scoots her bottom around on the floor to get the last turd out, but it is so hard she just manages to make a mess out of the carpet. It is a terrible task to clean. Could you also give her an enema to help her out? It would be a great benefit to both me and her. I figure that enemas are similar to suppositories.

Please advise immediately if you can do both of these activities during my lunch hour.

Gloria

Ed wrote:

We could try today. You also want enemas?

Rodnita's Revenge

2005-03-13T07:44:00.000-08:00

Remember Rodnita? (He's the one who Birdparty told he looks like a transgendered version of Rod Stewart.) Rodnita responds to many ads that Birdparty posts, and Birdparty recently wrote him back.

Rodnita wrote:

Hello,
My name is Charles. I wanted to let you know that I really liked your profile on Craigslist and I think you would ejoy my company alot.

I am a single profesional white male, blonde hair, blue eyes, about 5ft10 and 185 lbs muscular average build. I am told i have a nice ass and i am also well endowed and thick.

I think i fit your desription of someone looking for fun. I do enjoy giving lots of pleasure oraly and love a woman that likes to orgasm alot. I think You will love my very talented tongue and its unique soft gentle touch that will not quit until you say so..

I will relax you with a nice full body masage after i totally fatigue you from cuming so much... Give me a try, you'll have a nice, fun and pleasurable time with me. Really...

PS: i am off work today and can Host here at my place in Rockville.

Birdparty wrote:

I am looking for a transgendered version of Rod Stewart. Can you help a sista out?

Rodnita wrote:

Yes i can.... You know you are the only -55 IQ person who i have ever met to have such a disturbed vision, to think you see what you see. You probably see a Nigger when you look in the mirror. When i see you i will see a Dead person.... Isn't that funy?? Maybe you can become a transformed person, when i stick an electric cord up your cunt and through you in a bath tub full of water (Wah Wah to you) to the top, and plug you in, Beee-otch... Then you will be transformed.... Get it?? Or should i have your Special Ed Teacher explain it to you. What color helmet did your Mom and thrid step father make you wear when you rode the Short bus to school..???

Latter-Day Slut

2005-03-11T07:25:00.000-08:00

He's getting hard in his temple garments

Help this MORMON boy be bad - m4w - 29
Reply to: anon-622556526@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-01, 6:26AM PST

Is one of your fantasies to have sex with a mormon guy, well that's me, I am not your typical goody goody mormon boy, I will be in the area for work from Feb. 19th thru the 24th. for a conference and would love some of the hot wild california women to show me what life can really be like, I am an average looking guy and just hope to find someone who would like to brag to their friends that they slept with a mormon. I am looking for adventurous open minded women over the age of 18 other than that they have to be clean and willing to have fun. I have a hotel room for the week and while I'm there I'm all yours.

Your pic will get mine, and please only those that are serious please respond.

Birdparty wrote:

When I saw your email, I got so excited, because I've been interested in Mormon men for a while, but unfortunately most LDS men don't want to get their freak on. And I am REALLY hot for some LDS action.

My Mormon fantasy is when those hot young men come and knock at my door, in their short sleeved white shirts and black ties, I invite them up for a nice cup of tea. I'm in a flimsy bathrobe and it is steaming hot out. They start out talking about their religion but all I can do is stare at their bulging crotches. Gradually they become aware of my attention to their members and begin to blush. Their rods become hard against their special Mormon underwear.

As they try to convert me to the Church of Latter Day Saints, I prove to be the better missionary as I guide them one by one into oral and then missionary position. Finally they depart; but it is they who have been converted -- by Birdparty, the High Priestess of the Church of Love Dick Sucking.

Robert wrote:

Hello Birdparty

It is so nice to know there are women out there who fantasize about Mormon men, I would love to help at least part of your fantasy to come true, If you would be willing to come to my hotel while I am there then I can help you to find out what a mormon lover can do. Trust me I know how to please and can bring such pleasure to your body.

I will send a pic of myself on monday from work

Robert

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Robert -- I am so happy to hear back from you. LDSex is something I have been seeking for a while now. But I must be frank and tell you that I could arrive at the hotel room for regular old sex with an array of men. But what interests me in you is Mormon-themed sex.

What do you think about my missionary fantasy? Maybe as well we could have another fantasy whereby I am one of your eight wives and tonight is my night to spend with you -- my first night alone with you in more than a week. I want you to tell me all the dirty things you've done with your other wives and what I can do to top them. And believe me, I will top them. Everything is on the table.

Tell me what you are into sexually. The more LDS-themed, the better.

Cunt wait to hear back from you,
Gloria

Robert wrote:

Sorry it has taken so long for me to write back, I was in church all day yesterday.

Mormon themed is really good, let me see, I'd love both of the ideas that you had. For the missionary one I would think that this might work, I am at the hotel and you are looking for a friend, but you got the wrong door. I haven't been alone with a girl in two years and seeing how pretty you are I ask if I can help you. You say you have the wrong room but my smile and clean cut hair brings a smile to your face.

I am nervous knowing deep in my mind that this is not right, but your beauty captivates me so I invite you in. Soon you notice the bulge forming in my pants, you walk over to me, and gently rub your hands up and down my chest, as I start looking really nervous, I know I shouldn't have let you into the room, but the way you look and the way you smell has caught me off guard, you step closer to me, I can feel your body next to mine.

I can feel your breasts against my chest, the heat in my pants rising, you pull me over to the bed and you start to rub my growing erection. I have never done this before, but it feels so good, you pull my hips closer to your face as you breeth on my cock, the warmth of your breath makes it all the more stiff.

Tell me what you think so far.

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Robert -- it’s great to hear from you. I was afraid you had abandoned me for one of your many wives.

I like what you wrote, but it was a little vanilla. I want some Mormon raunch, if you don't mind. I want you to have the "First Vision" of my freshly shaved bush. Those special Mormon underwear really get me going. What do you call those badboys? Can you bring an extra pair when you come to San Diego? Will you put them over your head while munching on my muff? Also, I was wondering, as a child, did you ever have a wet dream in the special underwear?

I can't wait for the LDS sexcapades to begin!

Gloria

Robert wrote:

alright time to get really down to business, and dirty on you. The continuation of the story...

I feel your breath on my straining cock and deep inside the carnal side of me takes over, reaching down, i feel your breasts in my fingers, so firm and round, your nipples getting firm at my touch, I kneel between your legs, I can smell the sweetness of your pussy as you are getting wet, I slide your skirt up, revealing your thong, it is showing a wet spot.

I start kissing your inner thighs, you lay back on the bed, spreading your legs further apart for me as my tounge lickes around your wet pussy. as I suck your clit deep into my mouth, biting and sucking on it, my lust and desire for you is completely consuming me. I know that I shouldn't be doing this, it's not right, but it feels so good. I take my shirt off as your legs are wrapped around my head pulling me into your shaved hot pussy.

This is the first time a girl has seen my temple garments, they are sacred and should not be shown to anyone, but my desire has overwealmed my logic and I know that I must have you, something about you gets me so hot, so horny, I can feel the precum soaking the bottoms of my garments, oh how would it feel to have that hot pussy wrapped around my throbing cock, to feel the inside of a womans pussy.

The temple garment is an evolving fashion accessory

Birdparty wrote:

This isn't very LDS-themed, something I have repeatedly requested. So the underwear are called "temple garments"? Can you put the garment over your head while you eat my pussy? Or can I put it over my head while I service your Mormon member? Can you jizz onto it and then rub it all over my tits?

What about bringing in one or two other girls, so you could have fun with all your wives at once? Is that that something you'd be up for? I have a lot of slutty friends who would love to get in on the Mormon fun.

Robert wrote:

I am trying to be mormon themed, like I said I have never done this before, I can have a few extra pair of temple garments and we can have fun, I can put a pair over my head while I eat your pussy, I would love to put some over your head while you suck me off, after I cum all over them I would love to rub them over your tits, covering them with my jizz.

Bring as many of your friends that would like to cum, I would love to pretend that you are all my wives, and it is time to service all your needs, I would need to be the good husband and take you all repeatedly.

Birdparty wrote:

Can I take the tie from your Elder days and tie you to the hotel bed with it? Can I put on an Orrin Hatch mask and ride you mercilessly? Can I rip pages from the book of Mormon and shove the crumbled papers in up your LDS asshole?

Robert wrote:

yes, yes, and just be careful not to cut my ass with the paper, I will make you my wife and fuck you like never before, make you suck my cock until i cum in your mouth and make you swallow it all, then I'll fuck your ass, filling it with another load of my cum, before fucking your pussy and making you scream all about the truth of god and the truth of the mormon religion, this being done while my other wives and your frieds are fingering each other and sucking on my balls

Birdparty wrote:

Do you think it would be possible to sneak into the San Diego Temple at night and fuck relentlessly on the altar? I will have to insist on tithing -- you will set aside at least 20 percent of your semen for the temple while I will get the rest.

Mormon Temple...or house of cum tithing?

Robert wrote:

Seeing as that would be absolutly incredible, I don't think it possible to get into the temple, I sure hope you are serious about all this and not just playing me, I would love to have you and as many of your friends as are willing. This is a 100% serious offer if you want it. I will reserve 10% of my cum for your mouth, 10% for your tits, 10% for your ass and 10% for your pussy.

Birdparty wrote:

That only equals 40 percent.

Robert wrote:

I would have to reserve some of it for your friends, "my other wives" so they can feel the pleasre of me inside their mouths, asses, pussies and around their tits as well. Tell me truely how many women do you think you could get to cum and please me as wives? How would you like to feel my cum soaked garments being shoved in your pussy and ass, or deep in your mouth?

Birdparty wrote:

I might be able to get three to four cum-guzzling sluts. But they may all want their own pair of your Mormon undies. Can you bring enough? I want your cummy garments and I want to poop on them and then wipe my ass with pages from the Book of Mormon.

Toilet paper?

Robert wrote:

well send me pics of all your cum guzzling slutty friends, and make sure they will all cum and be my wives for a time, then I will get anything you so wish and watch as you defile everything I hold sacred!

Robert wrote:

I take it from your lack of response that I must have lost you somewhere or you were just playin mind games with me after all.

Birdparty wrote:

Robert:

Just because I want to pretend to be one of your wives doesn't mean that I am. I am not at home all day cooking your dinner and washing your skid marked underwear -- I have a job that keeps me busy. While I'd love to spend 8 hours a day planning my sexual fantasies, I do need to pay the rent.

Gloria

Robert wrote:

Consider myself reprimended, I will learn from this.

Captain of the Star Fleet Enemaprise

2005-03-10T06:31:00.000-08:00

Your basic everyday enema tools

enemas, enema's anyone ? - m4mw
Reply to: anon-61976404@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-02, 9:30AM PST

hi,,i am a professional enema specialist. i am offering you the opportunity to have an enema of your choice. feel totally refreshed,,totally cleansed of all that naughty stuff inside. feel like a mocha ?..many movie stars, famous people have a cleansing weekly. would you like to be next. i would love to fill you with a liter and help you let it all out..multiple cleansings if you like,,,women preferred...asian especially..i can give an enema to anyone,,men if you like,,women are my favorites..trained professional..may i refresh you ?...btw..i am a man..i case you were not aware..

Birdparty wrote:

I was delighted to see your e-mail and learn of a kindred spirit! I love enemas and have been purchasing them in bulk at Costco for several years. There is something very cleansing about having the toxins and other assorted things that have become trapped in my intestine flushed out.

I also find it makes anal sex sexier. There is nothing less romantic than getting poo all over the place. Santorum ruined my last relationship, and I do not want to have this happen again. I am currently between relationships.

If there's one thing I like as much as enemas, it is douches. How would you feel about administering one of these?

Big Daddy wrote:

hmm...a douche...that sounds intersting..i am more than willing to assist you in cleansing...i am assuming you are a woman,,so i would be happy to assist you in your cleansing..so let me know if you are interested...thanks..b

Birdparty wrote:

It's so great to know you would be interested in helping me clean both of my dirty holes! Tell me more about your experience.

Do you ever try things other than enemas to clean out women's intestines? Like maybe a high pressure water hose? I don't want anything stuck to the walls of my intestines, god knows what has gotten lost up there over the years.

What is your favorite brand of enemas? I like Fleet, but during this economic downturn, I have occasionally been forced to turn to Walgreens store brand.

I was intrigued by your reference to a Mocha in your ad. Does this mean you would be interested in collecting my dirty butt water in a Starbucks cup, adding whipped cream and declaring it delicious? I am sure it would be lower in calories than the real thing!

Please send me your picture, and I will send you mine.

Big Daddy wrote:

i use fleets or better yet an enema bag with a whole liter of warm water sometimes...we can use warm coffee or warm mocha to fill your ass up,,so you can feel all of the benefits of your starbucks...mmm...no i will not use a high pressure hose ever,,please dont use a high pressure hose,,it can hurt you babe...for the douche i can use summers eave to cleanse all of you pussy,,and have you clean all over,,mmm,,,would you like that...i can clean you over and over if you like..giving you all the attention you need...go ahead send me a pic dear,,i am currently at work,,when i get home ,,i will send you one of me,,,maybe i can stop and get some supplies on the way home and show you what i will use ,,,,would you like that..?..also,....when would you like this done,,i am available this monday morning...or sometime next week maybe,,,thanks...b

Birdparty wrote:

I was excited to see your email in my in box and just as happy to learn I might soon have your enema tube in my butt hole.

Regarding the high pressure hose, thanks for your advice. I would like to have some kind of colonic though. What about the sink spray attachment used to rinse dishes? I also have a pulsating shower head with different attachments. Perhaps we could use that to our advantage as well?

I have horrible smells coming from both orifices no matter how hard I scrub. My grandmother said back in her day they used to use Lysol as a douche and I have been tempted to try. I like the lemon scent best. We could also use the traditional Summers Eve douche. It is basically just vinegar, so perhaps we could combine what leaks out with a little olive oil and give new meaning to the phrase "tossing a salad."

Big Daddy wrote:

When are we getting this set up ?..i am in the east bay...will you host,, ?...thanks..b

Birdparty wrote:

I would prefer to stay at a Motel 6 or Red Roof Inn due to the messy nature of some of our proposed activities. Can you address my questions in the previous e-mail?

I look forward to meeting you and becoming cleansed.

Big Daddy wrote:

i would not use lysol..the filling of your ass by the enema tube will give you such a sensation...you will love it...the higher i raise the bag the faster you fill,,you will love it as the pressure builds up inside of you...as i keep filling and filling your ass full of warm water...or warm coffee...nothing with pressure should be used...when we are done emptying your ass,,i will gentle bathe your asshole and give it the tender attention you know it needs...we will fill you pussy with a gentle rinse ,,letting it have a continious flow..draining all your contents into the tub...then again,,we will give your pussy a gentle bath and work out all of your tension there as well...a dildo maybe inserted into your ass as the enema is running ,,with full vibration to give you the extra you are looking for,,b

Birdparty wrote:

Can I bathe you in the bathtub with all the warm water that leaks out of my holes? God, that sounds hot.

I'd also be interested in trying a sherry enema. I have heard you can catch a mean buzz from just a little booze.

This sounds amazing and my pussy is getting wet just thinking about it, but I must see your picture before we take the next step.

Big Daddy wrote:

would love to accomodate...but sorry,,,i wont bath in your shit...i will relieve your bowels,,i will relieve your pussy,,,but i wont bathe in your shit...here's a pic,,,k...b

The Big Daddy of enemas

Birdparty wrote:

That's fine. No need to bathe in my frothy brown liquid if you don't want to. I would still love to get together for enema fun.

I am just curious -- when did you start giving women enemas and why is that it is such a turn-on for you?

Big Daddy wrote:

hmm,,,years ago,,,watching them writhe under the pressure building up,,,what a turn on...then the release ,,,,they feel so refreshed...so fulfilled...after the bath,,,,i can fill your hole with my ,,nice thick cock,,over and over,,till you are refreshed again...so,,when are we going to meet dear,,,?....b

Birdparty wrote:

You mentioned in your ad that you are also interested in giving enemas to men. Are you bisexual? Or is the pleasure of the enema universal?

Big Daddy wrote:

sometimes couples ask for an enema,,,if she is getting one,,,she insists on him getting one...thats all,,i am not bisexual,,i will not kis a man,,or suck a dick or anything like that,,i have fucked this guys wife for him,,a few times,,gave me a high five,,he is paraplegic,,his dick doesn't work,,and she really needed a cock,,i gave him his enema,,and fucked her 5 times that day,,,the most i ever came in one day even still...

enough questions,,,would you like an appointment or not...b

Birdparty wrote:

Wow, that sounds really hot! Do you do a lot of work with couples? How do you meet people to give them enemas? Please forgive all my questions but I have never met anyone as into the enema lifestyle as myself before, and you fascinate me.

I'd also like to learn more about the paraplegic whose wife you fucked. Was this a regularly occurring thing? Did he wheel around in the chair while you enemaed him? Would he always high five you or only after her orgasms? Why did she demand he have enemas?

I of course would like an appointment. How would you like to schedule this? Do you have a secretary I should contact? I need one of your enemas bad -- there is a lot up there to clean out. Do you charge for your services? If so, do you accept Blue Cross/Blue Shield?

Thinking about enemas, Gloria

P.S. -- I haven't been eating fiber in anticipation of your servicing.

Big Daddy wrote:

enough already,,i can explain everything in person...any question you may have...send me a contact numbar,,i will calll you ,,and we will set up an appointment,,i only ask if you cannot host,,,you cover the meeting place,,otherwise,,its free of course,,my services are free,,the hotel or what ever is on you,,,k,,,i need a contact number,,,and we can discuss it,,on an appointment...b

Spit or swallow?

2005-03-09T07:03:00.000-08:00

Str8 guy needed - spit on me in street - get $60
Reply to: anon-62654919@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-07, 10:57AM EST

$60 for your time

Guy here looking for straight guy to just walk by me and spit on me in the street. Want a hawked up wad of spit in my jacket and in my face. We can meet on a street corner, I'll give you $60 and you can spit on me and we walk away. Will also pay same money for a bottle of dip spit or your regular spit. I have a spit fetish here, but otherwise just an average guy. Located on uws, so prefer to meet somewhere along riverside drive in the west 80s. Can be done very quickly. Please send a pic if you are interested and let me know a good time to meet.

Birdparty wrote:

I can definitely spit on you. I live on the Upper West Side and I am available for loogie dispensing any night after 7.

Also, where do you want me to aim my saliva missile? Your eyes, mouth, nostrils or what? Should I eat anything special beforehand?

Chris wrote:

Hi thanks for responding to my ad. Do you have a pic you can send me. Also are you straight.

As far as where you spit, I would prefer if you hawk up two loogies and spit them on my jacket, then finish off with one big wad right in the middle of my face.

It's unsanitary?

Birdparty wrote:

Hi -- I am definitely straight; I am just trying to make a few extra bucks. Do you want me to get a cold first so my loogies will be a yellowy phlegm? I am sure I can catch something if I lick the handrail on the subway long enough.

Also, I am just curious, why do you want to be spat upon?

Chris wrote:

Thanks for sending the pic. I'm sorry but I don't have a picture. I'm married and need to be discreet. The spit thing is just a fetish...I like feeling the humilation of getting spit on by another man. I hope that doesn't sound too wierd. You don't have to catch a cold for me - just your normal spit/loogies would be fine.

1040... or 1069?

2005-03-08T07:01:00.000-08:00

The Tax Man cummeth

Will Trade Tax Service for Sexual Favors - m4w
Reply to: anon-628263@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-04, 1:45PM CST

I do your taxes and you give me sexual favors. Fair trade. Write for more details.

Birdparty wrote:

I got my W2 and a 1099 in the mail today and I hardly know what to do with them. I don't know my way around those confusing tax forms nearly as well as I know my way around a man's cock and balls. I know my area of expertise and you know yours. I'd be interested in an equal exchange of services.

I would like to be assured that you will handle my taxes as well as I handle your member. Will you get me a write off for every time I get you off? I think that is only fair. I might even let you ride my D-cups with your manmeat, assuming it makes me eligible for the Earned Income Tittyfucking Credit.

I hope your expertise when it comes to tax public policy will equal mine in taxing pubic policy. Believe me, your schlong will be very taxed and need a break when I get through riding it.

Tax Man Bob wrote:

do you have a pic to share? when can we meet to do taxes?

Birdparty wrote:

Hi -- I know that you are a businessman, and indeed I want to get down to business, but your email was a little businesslike and impersonal. Please tell me more about yourself and how you like to mix taxes and sex. I'm not going to H&R Block for a reason. I'm going to H&R Cock

Tax Man Bob wrote:

37 5'11'' 158lbs 7+ brown hiar and eyes. Average looking.

I love to please women orally. my wife doesnt like oral so I miss it.

Birdparty wrote:

God, you make talking about sex as boring as talking about taxes. If this is the way you approach it, no wonder your wife isn't into it. Please go into dirty details about what you want to do to me sexually.

Can I deduct some jizz from your balls?

Tax Man Bob wrote:

I want to tax your pussy with my 7+ inch cock and see if it can handle all of my inches. I also want to see if your mouth can handle my cum and I want to itemize my cum on your tits and mouth. I want to suck your clit until taxes are due. I want to make sure your savings are in order so I will load you up with enough cum to last the entire year. I will take my thick pencil and shove it up your tight ass and make you press my adding machine with your nipples.

Cum and do me baby and I will write you off.

Birdparty wrote:

Are you a two-pump chump? I'm not looking for Turbo Tax here, but a thorough preparation. But if you can’t last more than 30 seconds, I might consider giving you head, as charitable giving is deductible.

Tax Man Bob wrote:

More than 2 pumps. I will do the long form with you and take my time to make sure all the boxes are filled in. I will make sure everything adds up to a big deduction. You will get a load of cash as I give you a money shot on your face.

Birdparty wrote:

Can you do my backtaxes? You might just get a piece of my backside. I'm talking state AND federal here.

Tax Man Bob wrote:

I can do your back taxes if we protect your ASSests.

Don't want the IRS having problems in the future.

Jealous of the Boys: A Catholic Girl's Heartache

2005-03-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

Dirty but penitent Catholic schoolgirl

Dirty Catholic Schoolgirl Looking For Priest Fantasy - w4m - 19
Reply to: anon-61894964@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-03-01, 8:11PM EST

I am a 19-year-old sophomore at a Catholic university just outside Boston who spent my K-12 years in Catholic school. I had crushes on many of the priests, but they were only interested in the boys.

But I want fun with a priest. I stole a priest's cassock and I want a man to wear it and ravage me. I want him to put me on his lap and teach me about the Catechism. If he pops a bone, I might get a little wet and do naughty things to him.

If you are interested, email me with a pic and your size so I'll know if you can fit into the cassock I stole from the rectory. Tell me what you want to do to me.

Defrocked priest gone biz casual

Father Man wrote:

My, my, you have been a naughty little girl, now haven't you? Am I going to have to teach you the Catechism the old fashioned way? Orally? Now you come right over here, slide your pantiess off from under your skirt and sit on my lap, facing away. That's a good girl. Now bend forward so that I might lift your skirt and let's begin your lesson. Are you ready?

I'm 40, 6', 200, dark blonde, blue and I have a very big lesson for you!

Father

Birdparty wrote:

Father,

I have been a bad, bad girl and I need to confess my sins. After I confess, can I talk dirty to you in the confessional? Can I punch through the screen and penetrate your anus with some rosary beads?

Love,
Catholic School Slut

Father Man wrote:

Oh my...

But please my dearest one, first confess your sins to me and I will let you know the appropriate way to cleanse your soul. From the sounds of it so far, I may have you lay back on a table so that Father can cleanse you the old fashioned way (orally and manually), and then I may even allow you to remove my robe so that you might see and taste the way to heaven. Father has many, many carnal pleasures to share with you if you are a good girl and do as I say. And certainly you may penetrate my anus with the rosary, but you must know that you will then have to recite the prayers as you then slowly remove them, one by one. Are you truly ready for your confession?

Father

Birdparty wrote:

Yes Father! I am ready for my confession!

I have something of a Pope-Mobile fantasy. I want you to drive my 1996 Ford Contour around the Cathedral of the Holy Cross while I offer penance for my sins with vigorous BJs and delicate HJs.

Father Man wrote:

That's OK my dearest one, as long as you are thinking the Hail Mary's as you worship Father, I think that will suffice, and I would be happy to accept your penance whilst we drive around...and please know that you make Father very happy with your willingness to be penitent...only those who aknowledge their sins before me will be able to see and accept my staff of life...

Birdparty wrote:

Father, I am very excited about being penitent with you. But as a practicing Catholic, I must tell you, I will not worship you. I worship Baby Jesus and the Virgin Mary.

Father Man wrote:

My dearest one,

I am simply a messenger, but to worship me is to worship those you adore...

Birdparty wrote:

Father -- Worshipping you is sacrilege and I am just not going to do it. I'd sooner masturbate with a crucifix!

Possessed by the Lord's spirit

Dave wrote:

was in the seminary but decided that I liked Women a little too much...

I read your cl post and was very turned on, I have had the similar fantasy, but from the other end. I still have my cassock and would be willing to fulfill your fantasy if you haven't found anyone to do it yet.

I am a 28 yo swm, 5'10 180 pounds, blonde hair, blue eyes, built well and well endowed...

Dave

Birdparty wrote:

Please tell this dirty Catholic school girl what you would do to her. Make it dirty and make it Catholic-themed.

Dave wrote:

All sins can be forgiven if you are willing to do the penance...I think that serving the brothers would be a great start...you can come over into the rectory and begin by telling me all about your sins as you sit on my lap, tiny little skirt riding up past your knee...don't the sisters teach you that your skirt should come down past your finger tips? It shouldn't be riding that high? I should be able to see those panties as you sit down... come here...bend over, you should begin with a whack or 2 to teach you a lesson in humility...What other sins have you commited?

Left the Seminary for the Semen-ary

Paul wrote:

I was going to be a priest so I think I can fulfill your fantasy quite well. I left the seminary at 25 and became a normal Catholic guy roaming the streets. Come say hello, have some laughs and go from there.

Paul T. [deleted]
7 [deleted] Street
Charlestown, MA 02129
617-[deleted]

Birdparty wrote:

Father -- I have been a naughty and dirty girl. I need to confess. But I have not taken a vow of chastity and thought maybe you could commit a venial sin against my vagina. Or I can lift up your cassock and say my Hail Marys. But that might be hard with a priest pecker in my mouth.

Paul wrote:

Daughter, Daughter, Daughter-

What wicked ways, thoughts and themes you suggest. Penetrating your lovely little chapel would be far more than a venial sin...it would be a mortal sin. Poking my cassocked cock into your anus or mouth would be even more sinful than normal, carnal sex. Dining on your chapel, licking the steps and doors and the bell on top would be endangering my soul but I think it might be worth it. Crawling up to the ceiling and sucking your domes would be sinfully exhilarating as well. Gobbling your temple up from head to toe would be divine.

Paul T. [deleted]
7 [deleted] Street
Charlestown, MA 02129
617-[deleted]

Dickerman ISO the holiest of holes

Donald Dickerman wrote:

I saw your listing and had to give it a chance. I have always had a thing for catholic school girls. I went to an all boys catholic school and they would often let us see the girls from our sister school, but not often enough. I had so many dreams of taking one of them into the bathroom and lifting up that skirt. I would move her panties asite so I could make her cum as fast as possible. Now that I am older, this has been something that I have wanted to explore. I love roleplay so I would be happy to dress up for you. I love a dirty mind that can come up with such a dirty idea. I would be happy to explore as many fantasies as you desire. give me a chance, cause your listing was too perfect to pass up. I am a 34 does that fit?

Birdparty wrote:

Father, I have done many bad things and I need to offer my penance. I wouldn’t mind if some nuns watched. That would really get me going. Also I like fun with rosary beads. Any suggestions?

Donald Dickerman wrote:

What happened little girl? We were at the beginning of a very fun time of you earning redemption for you sins. Lastime i was cleansing your pussy from behind at the pues, I found that some of the nuns were watching from behind. They felt feelings they never have before and began to play with each other. They have a lot of sins to make up for as well. I must redeem them as well. I want you to go through class at your catholic school today with my rosary beads up your vagina. This will cleanse your dirty hole with the power of the lord. Also when you come back to confess all your sins, I can just pull them out and suck off all the evil juices. This time I will put my member in a different hole though. I will enter your virgin ass while I fuck your pussy with the cross. The nuns are watching, do you like that? You are a demonstration of what happens to dirty little girls. You must rub my cum all over your body to cover yourself with the seed of the lord. I choke you as I take you from behind so that you may get as close to the lord as I am. Say your prayers with every pump. There is no wine at this communion. The wafer is my tounge and the wine is my cock. Is this what you like my child? cause there is more where that came from.

Birdparty wrote:

Yes give me more father!

Donald Dickerman wrote:

Well after everybody leaves we will take extreme measures to clean those dirty holes of yours my child. I will bring out the altar and strap you to it, still fully cloathed in your uniform but with all of your holy openings exposed. Then the rest of the cleargy would come out. Nuns would be fingering themselves as i rape your hole. I would make you ride my face like it is a cock. I would have the rest of the priests spray their load all over you to cleanse you as much as possible. Then I would tell you to get under the altar. You would ge there early. I want my holy cock in your mouth for the entire service. And I must cum at the end of the sermon. If I dont you will go to hell.

But today in sunday school I want you to use htis holy instrument. Its called a vibrator. Turn it on and put it all the way up so its vibrating durring your class. I will rub my cum on it to make it as holy as possible. When you come back, I want to bend you over and go bak and forth between holes as you read your prayers. If I cum before you finish, we have to start over. I have so many other ideas, but do you have any stories for me little girl? Are you still interested in possibly actually doing this?

Soiled Panties/Dirty Socks Exchange

2005-03-06T09:58:00.000-08:00

Let's make a deal!

Soiled Panties/Dirty Socks Trade - w4m - 26
Reply to: anon-59588117@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-13, 2:34PM EST

I am a sexy young woman with a large collection of soiled lacy panties. I love dirty socks -- preferably ones that have been worn for days and are very, very stinky. I like them after they have dried out and nicely crusted with foot funk. Do you have the socks I am looking for? Would you like my soiled panties? If so, we can work out a deal.

Argyle socks a plus.

Kevin wrote:

Send description of yourself! Do you have g-strings?

Birdparty wrote:

I am thin and busty with brown hair and blue eyes. I think I have one or two g-strings -- not many.

Please give me a detailed description of your dirty sock inventory.

Kevin wrote:

Would you like my socks cum crusted?

Kevin can cum crust, if you like

Birdparty wrote:

I prefer nasty foot sweat to jizz. But cum would be nice if it were in addition to -- not instead of -- a nasty foot funk.

Maybe if you stuck your cock into one of those dirty socks and jerked off in it, that would be a great combo. And if you let your manmeat get disgustingly dirty with smegma before you jerked it, that would drive me wild.

Kevin wrote:

Ok I will start on a set. Also are you having sex and can soak up your cum on a g-string or can you masturbate a few times and get them crusty?

Want my dirty socks?

Birdparty wrote:

Yes I want your socks desperately!

Kevin wrote:

I want to get my socks more smelly for you. I had them in a ziplock bag but they have lost their scent.

I just want to smell your panties as my hand goes up and down my cock! I want to taste your pussy juice in your dirty panties and maybe find a hair or 2! I want to stretch your panties around my cock and jerk off until I add my cum to yours in your panties! I am so horny!

Birdparty wrote:

Will you wrap one of your nasty socks around your cock while you jerk to the scent of my panties? I would love to make a nice Sock Soup with that stinky sock and then feed it to you.

Kevin wrote:

I want soup made from your cum filled panties. Maybe after you have a good fuck and his cum and yours mix good in a pair of your panties!

Yes I can cum many times in it! It will be crusty with my cum!

Can you masturbate and let me listen on the phone?

Birdparty wrote:

Why should you listen on the phone? Why not watch it live in person?

Kevin wrote:

Do you want to come over and masturbate in your panties for me?

Do you want to cum in your panties in front of me?

Birdparty wrote:

I can shoot like a squirt gun, which I would be happy to do, provided you can do the same in a sock. Also, if you'd like, I can lactate or crap in my panties. I assume you have something similarly hot to offer?

But I must know, what kind of a sock will you bust a nut in? Wool? Tube? Argyle? Cashmere? Stinky work out socks? Those granny ones that have balls at the heel so they don't slide into your shoe? Please advise. I must know. It is vital.

Kevin wrote:

Dark blue heavy socks with padded soles! Would love to cum in them for you!

Can I put my cock in my sock and stick it up your pussy and ass?

Birdparty wrote:

Yes, you may, assuming that I can put a nylon over your head while I insert a stiletto into your mouth.

Kevin wrote:

Now your talking!!

A Very Dirty Old Man

2005-03-05T07:06:00.000-08:00

This Dirty Old Man knows his age of consent laws

My fantasy is to have a high school girl blow me - m4w
Reply to: anon-61100023@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-24, 9:25AM EST

When I was in high school we considered a blow job real sex, but obviously today there are lots of high school girls who don't consider it any big deal. I guess it's that uptight attitude we had (I'm 50) that makes a blow job from a high school girl (18 at least) seem like such an exciting turn-on today. So, I know you're out there and want to try something daring and exciting. Tell me how I can entice you into the warm and comfy back seat of my SUV or a nice warm cozy room. And let me know what I can do for you. I'm open to everything. What haven't you experienced? Would you like to be licked? Kissed all over your body? Have your nipples nicely sucked? Get fingered until you have an orgasm? I'm all ears. By the way, I'm good looking, tall, lean, fit, clean, in very good shape. Let me know how I can entice you to fulfill this delightful fantasy for me. I'm open to all suggestions.

Birdparty wrote:

Sure, I'll suck your dick. I am 17, attractive, etc. Send me your picture so I know what I'm getting into. Then I'll tell you what I expect from you.

Dirty Old Man wrote:

Hi:

Thanks for the reply. Here's a picture that gives you a general idea. :-) Feel free to ask me anything you want. I want you to be comfortable about it. And there's no reason you shouldn't be. And ... I assume you're a girl? I look forward to hearing back.

Birdparty wrote:

That isn't a very close up picture. Don't you have anything more specific so I know what I am dealing with here? Of course I'm a girl. I propose we go blow for blow, quite literally. I suck your dick in the backseat of your car and then I do lines off your ass. It’s my fantasy ever since I saw Boogie Nights. Let me know if this is doable.

Dirty Old Man wrote:

Well, thanks for the reply. But sorry. Sex, yes. Drugs, no.

Birdparty wrote:

You want to have sex with an underage girl but draw the line at cocaine?

Dirty Old Man wrote:

You're not under age in Maryland or DC. :-)

Don't you think you are putting yourself into a vunerable situation to talk about drugs with a complete stranger? I could be a cop. Or some other one of Bush's gestapo. That is not a safe thing to talk about with strangers over the Internet.

Birdparty wrote:

I am 17 -- not an adult in any of the 50 states or the District. I don't know about Puerto Rico.

Anyway, if I can't do lines off your ass cheeks, can I give you a sherry enema? Or do you have a better idea?

Dirty Old Man wrote:

Hi, sweetie:

Believe it or not, you are completely of legal age in DC and Maryland. I can legally have sex with you. I know the law, believe me. Virginia is 18. If you were in West Virginia or a bunch of southern states, it would be 15 or 16. I really am not into anything invoving my ass, including snorting lines off it or giving me enemas. :-)

If you are really 17, and a girl, and cute, and swallow, I will consider giving you money for it.

It will be fun. But I want to do something that we both like.

Birdparty wrote:

OK. Can I wear a latex mask while I suck on you?

And how much money are we talking here?

Latex mask fun

Dirty Old Man wrote:

Latex mask? I don't quite understand that. I have heard lots of sexual scenarios and that's the first one like that.

If you're really a girl and 17, I'll give you a 100 to suck me and let me cum in your mouth.

Tell me what you'd like. I'd be into pleasing you, too.

Birdparty wrote:

Well, I'm a really experimental girl. It is not the money I am in it for. How about that dog in your picture? Can I suck your dick while he does me from behind?

I am really a girl, I can tell you about tampons if you want to prove it.

Dirty Old Man wrote:

You are a trip. There's no doubt about that. :-)

Well, I've had gay guys pretend they're women and tell me sorts of things about their supposed bodies, etc. etc. I'm sure a fag could talk at length about tampons. Some of these guys seem to think they're women. I had one guy write me for more than a month before I figured out it was a guy.

My dog is neutered so he won't be much use in fucking you. An interesting thought, though. I look at girl/animal sites sometimes. I like watching a cute young woman suck a horse off. They have gigantic loads when they cum. A dog's cock is about the same size as a guy's cock. That's interesting to watch, too. So, have you ever done anything with a dog? I've had a few women say they've played with a dog's cock or even licked it, but that' s all.

Birdparty wrote:

Sweetie, I am not a fag. What would be the point of this? Obviously you aren't going to let a fag suck you off. Also, I doubt homos would really know much about tampons. They have no experience down there, I would think. So why would they want to get into the red stuff?

Anyway, I am glad to hear you are open to doggie fun even though yours is neutered. Are you into BDSM at all? I could tie you to the steering wheel with some jumper cables and then beat you about the ass cheeks with your spare tire.

Dirty Old Man wrote:

I'll take you at your word you're not a guy. But you definitely are a looney.

Birdparty wrote:

I am a loony?

Let's review:

You are seeking an underage girl for a BJ in your car;
You like to visit bestiality Web sites;
You want to pay for sex;
You said you may be a law enforcement officer;
You have lectured me about the age of consent in Virginia, Maryland and D.C.; and
You have described horse ejaculation to me.

But I am the loony here?

Dirty Old Man wrote:

Thanks for refreshing my memory. :-)

Birdparty wrote:

OK, I've got a new proposal: I want the coke to get into me by way of your dong. Specifically, I want you to spread some coke on your cock and fuck me. I will get a nice vaginal coke buzz off it plus it numbs your member a little bit so you'll be able to last longer than two minutes.

I am a VA resident. Will that be a problem?

Sound good?

Dirty Old Man wrote:

You know, actually I have done that before. It was a thrill.

I apologize for being somewhat brusque with you at times. You have given me so many interesting things I can try. I am having trouble prioritizing which ones I want most:

(a) being arrested for having sex in Virginia with an underage girl.
(b) being arrested for possessing an illegal subtance
(c) contracting herpes or AIDS from having unprotected sex.

So many delightful options. Oh, which shall I choose??

"Hit Me Baby One More Time"

2005-03-04T09:18:00.000-08:00

Men can be such babies!

Sexy Slut Seeking Man-Baby for Infantilism Fun - w4m - 35
Reply to: anon-61757205@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-28, 10:53PM EST

I am a busy and busty and hot woman, 36, into infantilism. If you don't know what that is and are just a desperate fuck, don't respond.

My husband of eight years recently passed away and I very much miss our infantalist play. Despite his untimely death, I still have several very large bottles, an adult-sized playpen, several sizes of Depends and all the rest of the accouterments we need to make this fun. I want to dress you up in diapers and a bib, feed you some Gerber's (or baby formula if you prefer) and then get down to business. If you are into this, please write back and tell me what you are into.

Clearly not breast fed long enough

Coolnfunguy wrote:

Sorry I could resist telling you, you putting baby oil on me while on your legs in all open and you playing with me like a baby and then bathing me, and then dressing me on your lap and feeding me while still on your lap. I dreamt of sleeping with you feeding me your nipple while I fall asleep and while I was inside you.

Wow, just saying that aloud and accepting those longings make me so electric. Do you feel that too sweetie ?

S

p.s. Really sorry about your loss and I am really happy that you are not giving up for life. You go girl.

Birdparty wrote:

Hi coolnfunguy. What's your real name? Mine is Mommy. Of course I will need to bathe you and breastfeed you. And when you make a doody or go pee pee in your diapers, I will have to clean that too. If you have diaper rash, I will take care of it with my paprika and hot sauce mix.

Love,
Mommy

Coolnfunguy wrote:

Hi sweet sweet mommy

Wow to just read from you is like a breath of fresh air after a long hard and stressful day. Just to know that someone so sweet and warm and nurturing is out there and that there’s a chance I might get to snuggle up and feel your warmth is rejuvenating and fills me with hope.

I just got back from work and not a great day at that too, but reading your email makes me smile.

Wow mommy do you promise to always be this warm and tender to your sweet baby.

I want to feel you rock me in your arms and I hold on to you and feel part of you. I dig just giving up all care in you hands and feeling so safe. Are you always this loving sweet, mommy?

For a care that good as you say mommy, I think I might just wish for geting a rash :-)

your baby wanabe
Sam.

Birdparty wrote:

Childbirth is one of the most beautiful things on this planet. Mommy loves giving birth to her cute little babies. Mommy wants to reenact baby's birth. Mommy wants to cover her baby in a mayonnaise and ketchup mix (with some sausages here and there) and squeeze him out from her loins.

Love,
Mommy

Coolnfunguy wrote:

Woooooow

The childbirth sounds so intriguing and exciting. It’s a amazing feel to tell that I was inside you and we are connected by that. Do you feel me inside you tummy, mommy? It sounds electric to be held by you in that raw form, untampered by the world, just mommy and baby. Have you ever done that?

I am simply fascinated by you. Tell me more about how my mommy came to life. Did you always feel so passionate about kids. I feel so lucky to have found such a loving and open minded mommy. Your hubby must have been so special to have met you. You two must have had a strong bond. Do tell me more about the wonderful dreams mommy and baby can share my darling mommy.

Where do you live mommy ?

Waiting to feel more of my mommy
sam

Birdparty wrote:

Mommy lives in Culver City. Where does her baby live?

Mommy has never reenacted a live child birth before. Only C-sections. After Mommy squeezes baby out of her loins, she wants to put him on her chest where they can cuddle and bond. Maybe to make it very real and special, we can get some link sausages and attach them to your belly button and then shove the other end in my Baby Hole. Then if we get hungry, we can eat the umbilical cord.

Love,
Mommy

Coolnfunguy wrote:

Hi sweet mommy

I live between culver and downtown but work close to Marina so pass by culver every day. :-)

I find mommy's dreams so interesting and fascinating. It would be awesome to be there in your hug listening to your heartbeat and bonding with you. Would you hold me tight to you mommy even though I will be covered with all goo things? Instead of cutting the chord we can eat it from both sides? And then would mommy like to give a bath and bath with me ?

luv
your wanabe baby

Incontinent or just lazy?

Baby Al wrote:

Hi there --

Sorry for your loss. I would love to be your baby. I have done this in the past and enjoyed it very much. I miss having someone hold me, cuddle me, powder me, change my dirty diaper and feed me. I am a white male, 40, and nice looking and have a fairly small penis. (figure I'd get that out now so there is less embarrassment later) I am also available during the days at times and love to be babied.

Please let me be your baby.

Baby Al

Birdparty wrote:

Baby Al,

Thank you for your condolences.

Of all the responses Mommy has received, yours was the best. Hearing about your teeny weeny, just like a baby's, and imagining Mommy cleaning it, just brought a tear to my eye.

Mommy is lucky enough that my inheritance allows me to be a stay at home Mommy. Mommy has a training bra, and even if you are teething, Mommy will let you nibble away. If it hurts Mommy too bad, you might have to be punished. What kind of punishment do you like?

Love,
Mommy

Baby Al wrote:

Hi Mommy --

The best way to punish baby is I think spanking me is a good one. Taking me over your knee and sliding my diaper down and smacking my backside is a good punishment. Another to let baby know that he has been bad is to let him sit in his own poopie diaper for a while, even if I am crying, mommy can teach me a lesson by letting me sit in my smelly, dirty diaper.

I like to play with toys, rattles and have mommy read to me and hold me. I like for mommy to give me a bath too and if baby is not well, maybe mommy can take my temperature. Sometimes if baby can't go poopie mommy gives me an enema too. Also maybe mommy has a friend that has a baby girl, we can play together in front of our mommies in our diapers.

Sometimes mommy, my little weenie gets all hard, is that a bad thing? i feel bad when that happens, hope baby isn't doing something wrong.

Love,

Baby Al

Birdparty wrote:

Mommy will spank you when you are bad and Mommy will force you to sit in your mire when you have trouble potty training. But deep down Mommy loves her baby. When Baby Al is good, Mommy will wheel him around the neighborhood in a stroller. Baby Al might be a big boy, but that is fine, Mommy has a wheel barrow I have fashioned into a stroller. Mommy can wheel you around while you wear a bonnet.

Love,
Mommy

Baby Al wrote:

sorry mommy --

I'm glad that my teenie weenie is ok with mommy, sometimes mommy it feels good to touch it, is that ok to do? I miss my mommy, i hope i can breast feed soon and i need a change of diapers.

Baby Al

A Collage of Tony, made in the third grade

Tony wrote:

Hello I saw your add, and first of me deepest condolences to you. I right away thought that is exactly what I like. I like to be pampered and taken care of like a baby. Dress me up feed me and even burp me. I like to be bottle fed as well as breast fed.

I'm 32 years old I'm 5'9 tall. I know exactly what you are looking for so please be my Mommy.

where in LA are you located? I would love to go meet you and play at your playpen.

How tall are you? do you look like a Mommy?

Birdparty wrote:

Mommy is 5'9 with breast implants, so I cannot breast feed. But Mommy can feed you formula in a bottle. But I promise that if regular formula makes you gassy, I will switch to soy.

Tony wrote:

Mommy, regular will be great. Mommy, I would also like some gerber food. what do you have in the pantry(flavor)

Birdparty wrote:

Mommy has applesauce and peach Gerber's.

Would you mind if Mommy had the Catholic priest come over and babysit while Mommy goes and visits a friend?

Tony wrote:

how long will you be out mommy?
can I go with you mommy? please?

Birdparty wrote:

No, Mommy has to do it alone. Don't worry, you will like the priest. He likes little boys very much and is very nice to them.

Tony wrote:

But how long will you be gone?

Birdparty wrote:

Not long. The priest is fun. He can keep children entertained for hours.

Tony wrote:

mommy can I have your pic so I can put it on my bed and think about you while you are gone? please mommy. please and then I promise to stay with the priest.

This baby is all business

Blake wrote:

I am very intrested in what you describe. I have only done it once and we never had all of the play things that you have. My old mommy moved away and I have been trying to find a new play mate. I am a white male who is in great physical shape and is very very intrested in infantilism. what other aspects are you intrested in?

Birdparty wrote:

Well, first Mommy must take baby's temperature rectally to make sure he's not sick. Then Mommy will feed him a bottle; let him play in his playpen, and then its nap time. Mommy may check your temperature again while you are napping. When Baby makes a doody in his diapers, Mommy will clean him and use plenty of baby powder.

What does baby want to do?

Blake wrote:

Baby would like to be a good boy for mommy. If he has accidents mommy teases him about it but knows that he is just a baby. Baby has to drink four full bottles while he plays near mommy while she watches tv or reads a book. Baby is not old enough for the potty but that's what his diapers are for! Mommy might have to take baby's temperature again and then perhaps it's time for baby to suckle on mommie's tits.

what does Mommy think?

Kitty milk...YUM!

Rick wrote:

hello,

i would love to help you in your infantilism fetish.....i love for a mother to pamper me and then i get to pamper her back.....do you have any gerber apple sauce....that is my favorite along with tit sucking...i am 5'11'' 180lbs athletic single 33 hawaiian....hope to hear and see a pic of you soon

Rick

Birdparty wrote:

I am not currently lactating but my cat had kittens recently -- would you be willing to try cat milk? I will hook 6 little breast pumps up to her.

Rick wrote:

sure i would love to suck and suck....as well as give oral

call me and lets get together 323-[deleted]

Turner and Hooch-Style

2005-03-03T07:53:00.000-08:00

Hooch ISO Turner

K9 Wanted - m4m - 34
Reply to: anon-61668062@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-28, 11:22AM CST

WM 34, 5'11", 160, brn/blue, 7" uncut, GL (pic available). Looking to have my ass fucked by your BIG dog and filled with dog cum while I deepthroat and choke on your cock until you cum all over my face. (You can fuck my ass too, with condom, if you like).

You host. I am for real -- want to fulfill this fantasy during the day today.

Birdparty wrote:

I read your ad with growing excitement. I hope I am not responding too late to enact this fantasy with you. I live with my dog Barney (short for Barney Frank, and named after the gay congressman). He is an un-neutered Mastiff.

Barney Frank, the Gay Mastiff

So that this story makes sense, and seems for real, I will start at the beginning. I got Barney shortly after college and couldn't bear to snip his nads. I looked into neuticles, but it all seemed too barbaric. So Barney stayed intact.

But then Barney started humping everything. He even jizzed on my bean bag. I tried to set him up with my neighbors' pug but those crazy dykes refused, screaming it was rape of their precious Muggles.

One night, I came home really late after a night when I hadn't met anyone. Usually, at this point, I'd turn to my old pal "Donna" (which is what I call my vibrating butt plug -- just like Donna from 90210 who never got any action-- I reserve THIS Donna for nights I don't hook up.)

But I digress. This one special evening I passed out face down on the sofa. At first I thought Barney was climbing up to just cuddle with me. But then it became clear his intentions were much more deviant. He began to aggressive hump me from behind -- and I began, even in my drunken stupor, to grow aroused.

I will not go into details, but needless to say, I have come to see Barney more as a peer, a "wingman," as the hets would say. I'd like nothing more than to include him in what gives me the greatest pleasure -- S-E-X.

We look forward to hearing from you, and I have attached a picture of Barney giving me a great big hug when we were on vacation last year.

Enough love to go around

JT wrote:

Sounds great if you are for real. Actually, yours is the first response I have received other than "I'd love to see that if you find someone!"

Birdparty wrote:

I am indeed for real. Re: an audience, I might be willing to let other people watch, but only if they paid, and absolutely no cameras! Tell me a little bit more about what you are looking for. Would you like to be fucked by me or Barney? What is it that turns you on about doggy-style?

JT wrote:

OK, gotcha! Well, as far as the audience goes ... I don't care one way or the other. I wouldn't mind if you videotaped me and barney just for me to watch later ... ;-) you wouldn't need to appear in the vid, but I'd like to have it for my memory box ...

I would be happy to be fucked by both of you ... what turns me on about doggystyle is that I have seen videos of them fucking and big dogs have BIG cocks, from what I can tell, and also I have read that they cum insane amounts ... I want to have my ass filled with a huge cock and pumped full of cum, but there's no way I'll do that with a human these days ... too risky.

I am a bi guy, in a relationship, and have only recently actually started having some sex with men. I'm in the exploratory phases ... I have taken really big dildos, but the real thing is so much better ... have discovered I love hard anal, deepthroat/gagging and taking facials.

And bottom line, fucking a dog is just so nasty ... :-) I guess I am a whore at heart, is what it comes down to.

Birdparty wrote:

I'll take Polaroids of the dog fucking you. Also, I think you and Barney should 69 while I take turns fucking you and the dog. But I need a pic first -- have to know what I'm going to be plowing before I make a commitment. I'm not interested in dick shots or nude pics. Your
pic gets mine.

JT wrote:

Ok -- sorry, I didn't realize i hadn't sent pics yet. If you don't mind shooting video, I'll bring my camera -- would really like to have full sound and vision for later. Will Barney do 69? I am a little leery of putting myself around teeth like that. I don't mind sucking him, I guess, but ... :-P

BTW - how big is Barney's cock, anyway? Do you have any pics of that? :-)

Pic attached, anyway. (I don't generally look so serious!) Provided you're interested, when is a good day for you?

Man seeking a butt full of canine cum

Birdparty wrote:

I'll definitely shoot video of you and Barney. I specialize in extreme close-ups. You two can definitely 69 -- Barney knows how to treat a mancock and won't bite. If you are still uneasy, we can just put some peanut butter on your cock and balls and have Barney lick it off.

I don't have any dick pics of Barney, unfortunately.

Also, Barney can plow his snout, big as it is, pretty far up a human asshole. He's done it to me before and it's quite hot. Do you want Barney to snout-fuck you?

JT wrote:

I guess I could try the "snouting" .. more interested in the cock though ... how big IS it at it's fullest?

You are a goodlooking guy. Can't wait to take your load on my face while your dog fucks my ass ... :-) ... make me your bitch for both of you. In case you can't tell, I want it hard, nasty and humiliating. I want you to be telling me what a dog-fucking filthy whore I am, slapping my face and shoving my head into your crotch so that I am gagging on your cock as Barney's dog dick stretches and pounds my slutty ass, and get it all on video. I'm rock hard thinking about it. I want you both to use me like the dirtiest little slut you have ever seen or heard of. I want to try to take the knot if I can.

When do you want to do this?

This bomb's made for lovin'

2005-03-02T14:20:00.000-08:00

Terror Suspect

Dirty girl looking dirty fun - w4m
Reply to: anon-61112303@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-28, 8:07AM EST

I am looking for something bizarre.

Ron J wrote:

I will put u on my lap and sucking your tits. I’ll have my hands all over your body after that my son I’m gonna have u blow the holy cucumber..

here is my pic im 27

Birdparty wrote:

You look like Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the 9/11 mastermind captured in Pakistan.

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed

Ron J wrote:

my fantasy is an attack with a giant cum bomb. I want to fill a hot air balloon with cum, fly it over Midtown Manhattan and explode the motherfucker, covering everyone in my beautiful jizzum.

STDs? No problemo.

2005-02-28T16:49:00.000-08:00

He'll do anything for a squeeze

Riv wrote:

Sweety,

I will squeeze your pussy and make u moan...and fuck ur mouth and cum it inside for you to swallow...then I will fuck your wet cunt until it turns red and sweet liquid flows out from that wetty pussy for me to lick...:p

lov
riv

Birdparty wrote:

I have many suitors. Tell me why you are the one for me. And please don't make it some boring "I'll fuck you like a jackrabbit" bullshit. So tired....

Riv wrote:

well...making love is an art...the touch of man should make u feel feminine mentally and physically....when I use kamasutra on ur body....it will make ur body feel it..

My hands do have a magic too...it will make u relax and forget....:P

riv.

Birdparty wrote:

I want you to take a picture of yourself in your office ramming a squash up your ass.

Riv wrote:

wow..thats sexy...i will try to do that and also wanna squeeze ur pussy until it bleedss...:p

love
riv

Birdparty wrote:

That sounds horrific.

Riv wrote:

i will kiss and lick ur whole body....and then bit ur nipple for u to moan...and massage ur pussy until it becomes red...

love
riv

Birdparty wrote:

Last time my pussy became red it was the start of a horrible infection. I was on antibiotics for several weeks.

Riv wrote:

no baby..ur pussy is very sweet and its so soft...I hope you shave the bushes near it...

Also ur lips are so soft and juicy that my thick penis wants to cum again and again inside ur lips and wants ur tongue to lick it...

love
riv

Birdparty wrote:

Well, its very nice of you to say my pussy is sweet, but lately it has been a little itchy. I also have a fairly heavy discharge.

Will this be a problem?

Riv wrote:

No..i think it should be a white discharge...u may consult a gynocologist, who may prescribe a vaginal cream and it should solve the issue...but keep ur sweet pussy clean..or if u want i can come over there to inspect it.

love
riv

Birdparty wrote:

How would you inspect it? A swab may be necessary.

Riv wrote:

no sweety...i will use my hands and try to wipe it with cotton and do some massage on that sweet pussy....

love
riv

Birdparty wrote:

I also have some open sores. Is that a problem? We can wait till they scab over if you prefer.

Riv wrote:

no probs...tell me when ur comfortable...by da by i am waiting for your photo...

lov
riv

Birdparty wrote:

You don't mind my scabs?

Riv wrote:

no probs..baby...

Birdparty wrote:

OK, great.

I also have some warts on my cunt but they are scheduled to be burned off. Do you want to see me before or after they're set ablaze?

Riv wrote:

wow...i like that...i will see before and also after...if u are comfortable..

love
riv

Birdparty wrote:

Riv: I think I may be coming down with a nasty case of Chlamydia. Either that or gonorrhea; sometimes they are hard to tell apart. Is this going to be a problem?

Riv wrote:

sweety...i dont know about those medical terms...but I think we can manage to have some very sexy fun...:p..

u look greaat....I am waiting to see that juicy cunt so that i can squeeze...:P

love
riv

Birdparty wrote:

Chlamydia is a bacterial infection in vaginal fluid and in semen. It causes an abnormal discharge (mucus or pus) from the vagina or penis and pain while urinating.

Gonorrhea is bacteria infecting the genital tract, mouth, and rectum of both men and women. In women, it causes bleeding associated with vaginal intercourse, painful or burning sensations when urinating and a yellow or bloody vaginal discharge. In men, it causes white, yellow, or green pus from the penis with pain, burning sensations during urination that may be severe and sometimes causes swollen testicles.

Both don't worry, I don't have both, only one! I am just not sure which one.

Riv wrote:

wow..sweetheart...u seem to be a sexology doctor...:p..

I need to squeeze ur pussy...

by da way..where do u live...when should i cum there...

love
riv

Birdparty wrote:

Both are curable. It's not that big a deal.

Also, I have scabies and pink eye. Do you mind?

Riv wrote:

u know...i am a kind of admiring ur questions..i luv u with whatever u have...sweetheart....

my massage of ur pussy and ur body will make u fresh.

luv
riv

Birdparty wrote:

I am just trying to be up front and honest.

I was at a birdparty two weeks ago, and a cockatiel flew right into my eye, beak-first. So now I have a patch over my left eye until it heals. You won't mind my pirate look, will you?

Riv wrote:

though its funny to imagine u with a pirate look....but I am concerned...hope it heals soon...or I can cum there and kiss on ur eye and next day it will be healed..:)

where do u live sweetheart...I want to take care u..

lov
riv

Birdparty wrote:

Also, another quick disclaimer: I don't wipe so well. Sometimes there is poo poo in my crack that has a habit of inching its way down to my taint. But I am starting wiping-training classes in a month. You won't want to wait until I graduate with my Certificate in Wiping Training, will you?

Riv wrote:

i think u have a lovely heart...more than to have sex...i have becum ur fan..that my sexy..if u poo...when i push my thick penis inside ur juicy pussy...

luv
riv

Birdparty wrote:

I am serious about the wiping training.

I have a peg leg and it's more comfortable if I take it off during sex. You won't mind, will you?

Riv wrote:

what a girl with so much of pain..:P...I want to give u some sweet and sexy pain...would u mind?

luv
riv

Birdparty wrote:

I was born without fingernails.

Riv wrote:

thats good imagination...do u mind if i say the nurse did a blow job when i was born since my penis was thick and large...:p

luv
riv

Birdparty wrote:

You think I am joking? I was born with a rare genetic condition and I do not have any fingernails. In perhaps a cruel joke from God, however, I have very long and unruly toenails that are very painful to cut. This condition runs in my family -- my grandmother did not have fingernails and also only had one nipple. Please do not make jokes about this. It is very serious.

Riv wrote:

baby..dont worry about that...I will be there to give u pleasure with a sweet pain..if u dont mind.

luv
riv

Birdparty wrote:

What kind of pain are you talking about? Because I have hemorrhoids.

Riv wrote:

the pain...when my thick penis..penetrates inside ur vagina...and when it touches inner walls...:p..

Birdparty wrote:

I have irritable bowel syndrome and sometimes it produces projectile diarrhea. If I have an unfortunate accident when we're together, would you clean it up?

Riv wrote:

yeah...i will clean up...and also wash it...if my thick penis stucks in ur throat..will u complain?....:)

Birdparty wrote:

No I won't complain, but I must warn you, I have strep throat.

Riv wrote:

thats sexy...will u swallow my cum?

Birdparty wrote:

Perhaps. Remember though I do have some warts and sores in there.

Riv wrote:

baby...tell me serious...when can we have it?...

Birdparty wrote:

We can have it this weekend if you don't mind stinky farts. I am very gaseous and Gas-Ex won't do the trick. Any suggestions?

Riv wrote:

have some tape fastened to cover the gas leak..:p...I will cover the front with mine..

u have any contact # and best time to call?

riv

Birdparty wrote:

I am not ready to give out my telephone number at this juncture.

Before you come by this weekend, can you stop by the grocery store first? I need a pork roast and some kotex.

Riv wrote:

sure..no probs...I will.......yeah dont give me the number now...I can understand...by da way...how do we meet..sweety..

luv
riv

Birdparty wrote:

There is one more thing I need to tell you. I was waiting until we got to know each other first...

So here it is: I do not have a nose. It was cut off in nasty fishing accident last year. Is a nose a must for you?

Riv wrote:

I will paint something there...no probs..I will manage..I will give u a new face lift...and lift ur skirt..:P

Birdparty wrote:

I want you to lift my skirt as well. I have a scorching case of crabs, but it should be cleared up relatively soon.

Riv wrote:

i will lift ur skirt and put my hand inside that panty and then put my finger in to ur cunt..

nice kissing scene in Elimidate

luv
riv

Birdparty wrote:

Do you have any more pics? I too need something to entertain my hormones. Also, what country are you originally from?

Riv wrote:

i will give u something which is hot...

tell me how izzit..

I am orginially from singapore...how bout U?

Birdparty wrote:

Can I put my toothbrush in your ass?

Riv wrote:

hmm......yeah..thats nice...i will put my finger in urs

Birdparty wrote:

How about a ginsu knife? Will that fit up in you?

Riv wrote:

yes...but it will be painfull...:(

but i will try to put 3 fingers in to ur anus...then try the same with ur pussy.

Birdparty wrote:

Can I rub turpentine on your balls and nipples?

Riv wrote:

yeah u can rub whatever. sweety...how is ur pussy?..:p.. is it ready to
be squeezed?

sweetheart where r u...i need ur juicy cunt...

"Summer lovin', had me a blast"

2005-02-27T20:23:00.000-08:00

What's missing from this picture? That's right, a slut!

Need a skinny white harley slut - m4w - 46
Reply to: anon-620@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-24, 9:49AM EST

Warm weather's coming and it'll soon be time to break out the ol'harley. I'm looking for a skinny white slutty girl to be my riding bitch for the summer. You gotta be clean though, cause I like to eat pussy. Email if interested. I have a pic of me and the bike to send,if you'll send your pic.

this is in or around Fredericksburg area

Birdparty wrote:

I spent last summer on the back of a crotch rocket rice burner but this year I'm going all American to show my support for our boys in Baghdad.

My chaps are chafing, can't wait to see your pic.

David wrote:

Way to go..... All American!!! This is me and the hog, let me know if you wanna ride us. Are you in the Fredericksburg area, and are you slutty?

By the way, the hat is hiding my ponytail.

Birdparty wrote:

I'd like to ride you both SIMULTANEOUSLY. Do you have any more pics of you and your ride? I'm getting wet just thinking of the vibration between my legs - I'll have to hold on tight to you so I don't slide off!

I used to like hanging out at the truck stop on Route 7 in Fredericksburg. I'd meet guys and give them handjobs under the table 'til they had semis THEN we'd go back to their SEMIS and hump. Just like in the movie Monster with Ailleen Wuornos only I never had any of them try to douche me with alcohol.

David wrote:

Hey babe, you sound slutty enough for me. I'm sending another pic of the bike right now, don't have anymore pics of myself on the computer. But I do have my digital camera handy. What would you like to see? My name is Dave by the way, what's yours? Get back to me soon, and I'll send whatever pics you want.

Later

Birdparty wrote:

My name is Gloria. I think I am more than slutty enough for any one man. I'd love to see some more pictures of you. Any tats? I have a rose on my left tit. I'd like more tit tats, but I don't know what to get. Any suggestions?

Is that a POW-MIA flag on your bike? Were you ever captured and detained John McCain style?

Where in Fredericksburg are you? I used to like going out to Stetson's and riding their mechanical bull but it broke a while back. It wasn't anatomically correct but it was a good ride anyway. I was doing a lot of meth back then but I've really cleaned up, as you can see from my pic. Anyway, the mechanical bull got me really riled up -- the vibrations were soooo good! My pocket rocket just doesn't do the job. That's where you and your hog cum in.

Cunt wait to hear from you,
G

David wrote:

Well hi Gloria,

Here are a few more pics, just taken. I have a few tats, here is one of them. Yeah, that's a POW/MIA flag, I wasn't ever captured, but did spend 20 years in the Army. If you want a new tat I suggest you tattoo my name on your ass.

I work in the Massaponax area of Fredericksburg, and live near Colonial Beach. You could send more pics if you want. I'd like to see more of you.

If we ever hook up and go riding, what kind of day would you like to have? Anyway, I'll talk to you later I hope.

A larger Kenny Rogers?

Birdparty wrote:

I feel as though we are kindred spirits. We have so much in common. You did 20 years in the Army. I did 20 months at Virginia Correctional Center for Women in Goochland. But I'd rather talk about Coochland, where I'll hopefully be taking you.

If I get your name tattooed on my ass, then you have to let me tattoo yours balls. I can do it myself! I learned how in prison. I promise itwon't hurt too bad. The pain should only last a few weeks.

I suggest we meet at RaceTrak gas station on Route 3 for a Marlboro Red and then get to know each other better. We can see if it works and go from there.

I have a very warm Confederate Flag comforter. I want to get under it with you and snuggle.

Do you own any buttless chaps?

David wrote:

Yeah, I got the chaps, but don't know about the ball tattoo. Snuggling sounds good though. Where do you work anyway? I love going to coochland, I speak the language like I was born there!!

Birdparty wrote:

Do your chaps have fringe? I love the feeling of them blowing against my cheeks as I ride the road.

I work at Capital One. What's in your wallet? Well, I have several oxycontin pills and a rubber. Where do you work? And what is your racial background?

Tell me more about some of the activities I can look forward to this summer.

David wrote:

Sorry, no fringe. But the contents of your wallet sounds like the makings of a good time. I work for a product testing lab, where I'm the lead test tech and quality manager. Been working here about three years. As far as my racial background, I'm 100% USDA grade A redneck (White Boy).

When I ride I do everything from long rides in the country, sight seeing from two wheels as it were, to bar hopping, beer drinking, pool shooting, etc. Sometimes I'll get together with a group of guys/gals and just ride to wherever. Had some cool adventures that way.

I think I'm going to try to catch Biketober fest this October in Daytona. I'm looking forward to hooking up with you to do some riding. And other stuff.

Forgot to ask, what kind/color panties (if any) do you have on today?

Birdparty wrote:

I am wearing Hane's her way panties. I believe strongly in comfort. They are available in bulk at any Wal-Mart 24 hour location.

What kind of a lab do you work in? I dabbled a bit in chemistry myself and used to have a meth lab in my trailer. It blew up, resulting in a fire ball that burnt all my pubic hair and eyebrows off. That is how I ended up going to Goochland. Happily, I am slowly making my way back to Coochland, with the help of generous men likeyourself.

What's the kinkiest thing you have ever done on a motorcycle? What were your harley sluts like before?

David wrote:

I can get as kinky as you want to be, I've done all kinds of shit. Not on the bike though, at least not yet. Got any suggestions?

This one girl that used to ride with me had a real whore thing going. Whenever she got drunk at the biker bar, she would go into the bathroom and have me send in all the guys in the bar so she could suck them off. I've seen fifteen guys in line, and she sucked them all.

Birdparty wrote:

That's incredible. Did she swallow all of the cum?

David wrote:

She swallowed all of it except for a couple of the guys pulled out and shot off on her face. She used to pick up girls for us to share too. She loved to eat a girl's pussy and ass. We did that a lot. We would all go to a motel and fuck and drink most of the night. She liked to lick my cock and balls when I was fucking some old bitch.

I miss that girl, her name is Heather.

15 men!

Birdparty wrote:

Do you have any pics of Heather? She sounds hot. Did you guys ever try putting coke on each other's ass and pussy? It is an amazing sensation.

I've been thinking about the things we could do on a motorcycle. Do you think if I sat behind you wearing a strap on I could put it up your ass while we go down I-95 at 85 mph?

Also, I'd like to know some more about your background. Did you graduate high school? I love an educated man.

David wrote:

Hi,

I finished High School while in the Army, and about one year of college. I really found school boring and unchallenging. What's you educational background? And are you going to tell me about any of your kinky past adventures? How about this past weekend, get any dick?

Dave

Birdparty wrote:

I am about 28 credits shy of an associate's degree in chemistry from a community college in Nebraska. Again, it was the meth. I was learning more chemistry from a drugged-out boyfriend at the time than in the classroom, so I focused my energies on meth production.

I have had so many wild sexual experiences; it's hard to pick one or two. Another problem is that I unfortunately don't remember a lot of my meth-fueled sexcapades. One time I had two male junkies desperate for meth but they didn't have any money. I felt bad for them, because I know what it's like, but still, I was not running a charity. I produced a double-headed dildo and gave them some meth after they let me videotape them with the dildo. Each put one end in his ass and they went to town. It was pretty fucking hot. Another time I had sex with a meth-addicted midget. We would both stand facing each other, and his mouth was just about crotch-level. While he went to town on me, I cooked up some meth on his head. Another time I was in a biker bar, and I fucked three guys on the pool table. We each took the cue ball up our ass and then one of the guys swallowed the whole damn thing, lubed up with my cunt juice, of course.

Gloria

David wrote:

unfuckinbelieveable

ISO Nancy Reagan degradation

2005-02-26T19:24:00.000-08:00

Liberal for anal

Pound and smack the conservative agenda out of you! - m4w - 35
Reply to: anon-61294967@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-02-25, 1:42PM EST

Seeking professional lady, no girls please, who is leading a double-life, wearing bad fuchsia blouses and pearls by day working for some conservative think-tank or bull-sh$%#t! Bush agenda, and likes a bit of exotic rebelliousness in the after hours. Stylish lingerie a plus.

Me - Che Guevara in a suit, Latino/Native American mixed with Welsh/Scottish...you'll say, where have you been all my life...

How about a martini or three?...Let's take it off in Georgetown....you know how we do it...

Have a backbone...a whip and a blindfold...and I'm yours...

Birdparty wrote:

Che:

I felt my long-dry pussy getting wet as I read your ad. I dress like Nancy Reagan but underneath my polyester blouse, my nips are as hard as any Hollywood Liberal's.

I secretly want to do things that are still illegal in most southern states but the conservative guys I meet are more into missionary-style banging. They think oral sex is something you do over the phone. I myself prefer wearing a latex mask and being ridden like the Republicans ride the poor. Leave No Butt Cheek Behind and flog me with your whip. Blindfold me so I'm as ignorant as a red state voter.

Let's play,
Gloria

Now that Ronnie is gone...

Che wrote:

Gloria:

You could just be what the doctor ordered.

I even clean up well.....

Be a good girl and get right back to me with your pic...

Birdparty wrote:

Che:

What are you doing in your picture? It looks like you have been working on a documentary in some filthy third world country. I hope you don't have any hepatitises, but I will have to insist on condoms nevertheless.

Please tell me more about your liberal plans. I will scream tax and spend as you slide in and out of me.

-G

Che wrote:

You make me laugh.

You think I could work in Washington like that?

In fact, that shot was taken less than a week after I returned from a trip to Thailand over the 1999-2000 New Year's bash....don't worry, I wasn't into the exploitive sex trade over there, it's actually tragic and sooo unsafe...

ok...I'm in...where would you like to meet?

I prefer an early encounter, as I have am very busy on the weekends with work and lifestyle..drinks and then...yours?

Birdparty wrote:

So where does a bleeding heart liberal like you work? I work for the Family Research Council in their abstinence program, but I am a real slut. Will you shove a cigar in my vag and then cum on my blue dress? I hate Bill Clinton, our first socialist president, (not counting FDR of course) but for some reason the whole Monica thing really got my juices flowing. I want to be reamed good and hard with the business end of a lit Cuban. Then I want to turn that badboy on you.

While I am against the homosexual agenda and homosexual "marriage," I have a secret crush on Maya Keyes, the daughter of Alan Keyes who recently came out of the closet. I have always had a thing for the brown sugar. Would you be interested in a possible three-way?

The Whole Keyes Family

Che wrote:

Sure, but I'd have to meet you both and make the call.

You are just asking for a reaming.

Name a time and place...games later…

Birdparty wrote:

Tell me what you want to do. Make it dirty and nasty. I just gave you two dirty fantasies and all you respond with is "I'll have to see Maya Keyes first." What are you, some kind of racist?

Che wrote:

Well, you didn't indicate it would be Maya Keyes, but I wouldn't have to do anything to see you getting off with a woman.

I've got a lot to give so if it meant stretching both your holes out, considerably, that also wouldn't bother me.

It's nice when you're about to come and can find a filthy slut to take it in her mouth, especially one who won't mind being face fucked while spanked repeatedly by the other bitch in the room.....

Birdparty wrote:

Now why does a good liberal like you want to degrade women so much? Can I degrade you? Can I take a dump on a photo of John Kerry and then forcefeed you my mire? May I at least ram the Heritage Foundation's Annual Report deep inside your backside?

Che wrote:

You make me laugh.

Christianity and the moral majority are the most degrading insitutions to women in America.

The fact that you are a woman and support all that crap is not only an offense to your gender, but to your very existence on this planet.

That said, you make me laugh...

You should keep this up...but not with me...it's boring as hell....

I will, however continue to fuck women like you in their asses with even more of a vengence than you could ever imagine.

That's all Republican women seem to want these days....ass sex.

Tootaloo -