Jonah, the Whale and the Semen
JONAH is a non-profit international organization dedicated to educating the world-wide Jewish community about the prevention, intervention, and healing of the underlying issues causing same-sex attractions. If you are confused by same-sex attractions or know someone who is and desire help, please contact us for resources and professional confidential assistance.
Birdparty wrote:
I found your group on the Web and I am so happy there are people like you out there. I need help with my homosexual affliction, but I don't really know what to do about it, so I keep going out to the bars and coming home with cute Jewish boys and swallowing their kosher loads.
I know it's wrong, but G-d, it's hot and it's fun. How can I stop myself? Are you a former homosexual? How did you defeat your gay demon?
Stop me before I spread my cheeks again!
Nimrod
Elaine wrote:
Dear Nimrod,
We're so happy you contacted JONAH. Obviously you are happy being gay (and I hope your family agrees with your decision), so JONAH is not for you. If however, you ever decide that the following facts about the homosexual lifestyle upset you (these are only a few of the many stats I could send you), give us a call, we're here to help:
40% of gay men have over 500 partners in their lifetime; 20% have over 1,000 partners (what fun!)
Gay men live a much shorter life span than heterosexual men (what the hell - who cares what old guys do?)
Only 1 out of 20 gay men wind up in permanent committed relationships (who needs a loving relationship anyway when you can get all the sex you want?)
Gay men suffer 200 - 300% more alcoholism.
Queens do love their fruity drinks
Additionally, they suffer much higher rates of drug addiction, depression, suicide, bowel cancer, leaky bowels, etc., etc., than straight guys (well, you can blame all that on society not accepting homosexuality - can't you?)
Bowels so leaky ex-boyfriends are leaking out!
BTW, if you know any nice Jewish or non-Jewish guys who are not looking forward to leading a gay life, and really would like to understand the underlying pain, fear, and anxiety that led to them feeling same-sex attractions (SSA) - please give them our number. We're here to help those who are unhappy being gay. If you enjoy being gay, gae gezindt (pun intended).
Shalom, Elaine Silodor Berk, Co-Director of JONAH
Birdparty wrote:
Elaine,
I am not sure where you got the idea that I am happy being homosexual. I am not. But I don't know what to do about it. I've tried to stop, but I keep spreading my cheeks. Those leaky bowels you mentioned? Definitely a problem that I have. Onetime it spilled out all over Bottom, my little dog. Sometimes the only thing I can get to stop the seepage is my XXL butt plug. You see how this is a vicious cycle?
Can Pat Robertson stop the leakage?
What are your methods for escaping homosexuality? I go to a Reform temple, and the rabbi there told me there is nothing wrong with my cock-seeking ways. But I know in my heart that performing analingus on goys (and even on a member of the tribe) is wrong. I just don't know what to do about it. Please help me. Tell me what I need to do. Stop me before I get another cum shot in the yarmulke!
Shalom.
Nimmy
Elaine wrote:
Nimmy,
I was talking with one of our counselors about the series of messages that passed back and forth between the two of us. The counselor suggested that I tell you that IF and WHEN you are ready to give up your clever sarcasm which is obviously attempting to mask the pain and confusion underlying your same-sex attraction, we would be ready to help you in any way we could.
Please call the JONAH Message Line and leave your name, number, and the best time to call and someone will get back to you: 201-433-3444.
If you are not interested in change, that's fine - but let's not waste our time anymore on nonsense. JONAH works with close to 1,000 Jewish men around the globe so we are very busy and need to spend our time with those who don't want to live a gay life.
I wish you the best whatever your choice, even if you choose AIDS and death.
Shalom, Elaine
Birdparty wrote:
Elaine --
You are correct about me trying to mask my pain and confusion underlying my attraction to men. I don't know how else to handle it. That's why I am contacting you. Please help. Please don't write me off. That's what my father did, and I think that may have a lot to do with my anal attractions.
Please, Elaine, I need a strong woman like you or a former homosexual to help lead me out of the depths of diva despair. I’ve tried everything, even jerking off to Dr. Laura Schlesinger’s radio show, but all I could think about was Mordechai from Hebrew school. My fantasy was to be his mohel.
Dr. Laura demonstrates how to handle a gay penis
You must understand, I have tried to leave this lifestyle before and it didn't work. I told you, I went to my rabbi, who said dropping to my knees for any boychik on the street is acceptable. But I know in my heart that it is not. Please help lead me out of this dark, dirty tunnel.
Shalom.
Nimmy.
Elaine wrote:
Nimmy,
We are here to help anyone who wants to attempt to regain their God-given heterosexuality. We believe that heterosexuality is the biologically mandated developmental pathway for every human being.
The journey is tough but rewarding. Even those who don't manage to go from gay to straight find that they learn why they feel same-sex attractions (SSA) and they usually can stop the compulsive acting-out behavior which can be so degrading.
As for needing a strong woman to help - that's not the answer. We find the main problem for our guys is their relationship with their father, and then their relationships with their male peers. Mother wounds are real, but secondary.
Read the following web site written entirely by ex-gay men: www.peoplecanchange.com and then call the JONAH Message Line and leave your name and number so my Co-Director can call you back. We can tailor a program of individual and group therapy which will work for you.
We look forward to hearing from you, Elaine
posted by Birdparty @ 5:12 PM
33 comments
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Meh. All that waiting for that? Come on Birdy, give us the goods please.
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Wow, in so few words she has actually said, be straight or die, which is the only other alternative if you don't join this group..geesh, can ya believe the mentality? You can tell she must cringe at the thought of gay people on the planet. I sure hope some gay person out there is calling her on a monthly basis and announcing that they're still gay,D&D and as alive as ever.
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