Farkuckt on the Roof

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Looking to Pay a Pretty Jewish Girl - m4w - 33
Reply to: anon-72835528@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-11, 3:03PM EDT

Want to get paid for your time and have fun in the process? This is the best job opportunity ever. I own my own business, I am clean and a gentleman. I am Jewish but have never been with a Jewish woman.

Birdparty wrote:

Be a mensch. Try a nice Jewish girl.

Why have you been banging all these dirty shiksas? I don't even like to kiss a man who has put sausage in his mouth within the last two months.

While I'm not a "No Chupa, No Shtoopa" kinda gal, I do need details on the Jew who wants to pay me for sex. How much money are we talking? Reform, Conservative or Orthodox? What sex acts are you interested in? How observant are you? Are you into kinky stuff? I am. Tell me what you're into. Where do you live? And, why have you been banging only goy girls?

Hope to hear back from you,
Rachel

P.S. -- If you have anything even RESEMBLING a foreskin, forget it!

Jacob wrote:

Hi Rachel. I like your response. Thinking about taking your advice. I am businessman with my own company. I have attached a photo, let me know if you're interested.

J.


Dildo depot or curling iron collection?

Birdparty wrote:

What sort of business do you own? A sex shop? I notice a large collection of dildos and vibrators behind you in the picture you sent. I hope they are kosher.

Also, you did not answer any questions from my previous email. Please address all of them. And tell me how much gelt I'm getting for handling your shvantz.

Jacob wrote:

I am a partner in a research and development corporation. We bring new products to market using a proprietary technology we own (22 patents). I have a staff of engineers who do the actual inventing. I handle the marketing and international business.

I am a non-practicing Jew. An atheist to be candid (not sure if this rules me out in your eyes). I live in West Roxbury/Brookline. I can answer the gelt question only after I've seen a photo. . .

Jacob

P.S. -- The items in background of that photo are cordless curling irons.

Birdparty wrote:

Are you fucking with me, you self-hating Jew? I may be orthodox, but I know sex toys when I see one. I first used a dreidel as a clit stimulator when I was in Hebrew school -- I'm not temimesdik when it comes to dick. Do you think I'm sitting in a milk bath in a West Bank settlement?


When Hebrew school gets boring...

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

I am not a self hating Jew. Be kind. Those are not sex toys, they are cordless curling irons. My company is at www.[deleted].com go to the hair care site if you like.

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Looking more closely at the vibrator and dildo collection behind you, I suppose that it is possible that they are merely curling irons. Do you ever use them as sex toys? As I told you, I first started masturbating with a dreidel in Hebrew school and since then I have penetrated myself with a menorah.


A sex toy for eight!

I am into kinky sex, but I like to keep it Judaica-themed, in deference to G-d. How Jewish-themed can you go?

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

I like that you're kinky. Are you pulling my leg with the Judaica-Themed erotica? Would you like me to tie you up with a Talis and play Hide the Afikomen?

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

I am not pulling your leg. Your cock maybe, but not your leg. I want your Torah in my arc. With a matzah lubricant. I love my religion and I love sex -- why should I keep the two separated?

I will tie you up so tight in that talis, and I'll tie your cock and balls up with it too just for a little Jewish CBT. I think you know where I'll hide the afikomen. Would you rather fish it out of my snatch with your tongue or schlong?

So tell me Jacob, how were you raised -- Orthodox, conservative, reform? Why did you stray? You don't believe in G-d, but do you maintain a cultural Jewish identity? Will you at least wear a yarmulke while you fuck me?

Jacob wrote:

Rachel.

Matzah lubricant?

My parents raised my to be Jewish. I went to Hebrew school but decided not to be Bar Mitzvahed. I do not believe in an external ominpotent being. I believe the Judeo-Christian God is just the lastest myth in a history of mythos (Greeks, Aztecs etc). I do understand and admire the history of the Jews and do also find some kindred familiarity with people of like culture. I do not wear a Yarmulke because it would be hypocritical.

You crack me up. If you are serious (i have my doubts) we can meet for a drink to see if there's chemistry

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Jacob,

I respect your position on what you term today's "Judeo-Christian God," especially the Christian part, as those Jesus freaks are worshipping a fraudulent Messiah and celebrating him with bizarre Pagan rituals. As I respect your position, I request you respect mine. And my favored position is Cowgirl. How about if I ride you while spinning driedels on your nipples? I understand why you believe it would be hypocritical for you to wear a yarmulke, and I concur, but I feel that we can make an exception for Judiaca-themed sexcapades. I dated a furvert for a while, who required me to wear a Daisy Duck costume from time to time. I was not making any sort of claim to be a duck, and I don't feel you would be falsely presenting yourself as an observant Jew if you wore a yarmulke during sex.


Duckparty for Birdparty

What I really like is for guys to pull out a moment before ejaculation and squirt their kosher spooge right into the yarmulke. During Hanukah, I like my man to put the yarmulke back on his head as we light the Menorah at dusk.

Enough about my sexual fantasies. I would love to meet you for a drink, kosher of course. Why do you suspect that I am a fraud? I assure you that I am not. I assume that you'll want to be convinced of this before we meet, so feel free to ask me anything you like so I can disabuse you of this notion that I am somehow not for real.

I know a kinky Orthodox girl is not common. And indeed I was repeatedly labeled a slut for offering oral services to the rabbi at my bat mitzvah. I know this is not common, or really even normal, but I assure you I am what I am: an observant girl whose Orthodoxy rivals only her intense sexuality.

Rachel

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

You are cute. If you would like to meet for a drink to prove the veracity of your existence and your sexual predilections then I am game. What day is good?

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Jacob,

How about Wednesday or Thursday? Where are you located and where can we have this drink? I ask only that the bar serve Manischewitz wine.


Choosy Jews choose Manischewitz

What about my proposed ideas? Please address each of the following:

- Me on top spinning driedels on your nips
- Wearing a yarmulke while fucking me
- Jizzing into the yarmulke
- Placing the yarmulke back on your head after you squirt your kosher love juice into it

Are any of these outside your comfort zone? If so, why? Do you have any other suggested Jewish sex acts we could engage in? What's the kinkiest thing you can think of to do with a mezuzah?

Love,
Rachel

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

Think of this as an opportunity to bring a Jew back into the fold (at least sexually). What I can I offer as recompense?

Wednesday evening would be fine. I live on the West Roxbury/Brookline border. I can meet you at the upscale bar up the street from my house or somewhere in Boston if you prefer.

- Me on top spinning driedels on your nips--This is fine
- Wearing a yarmulke while fucking me--Possibly
- Jizzing into the yarmulke--I prefer to cum inside of whichever orfice I am in at the time
- Placing the yarmulke back on your head after you squirt your kosher love juice into it--Not going to happen

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Jacob --

I am sorry to hear that you are so sexually inhibited. To be honest, it is a real turn-off for me. Why do you refuse to jizz in a yarmulke and then let me place it on your head? I think that even G-d would be skeptical of your reticence to wear a yarmulke.

If you are to place your Torah in my arc, you must make at least a few Jewsex concessions to me. What are they?

Rachel


Bill says a yarmulke is a better receptacle than a blue dress

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

I am happy to cum on a yarmulke but am not interested in putting it on my head afterward (will you lick it clean if it goes on my head?--that might change my mind).

I would be happy to say a bracha while giving it to you from behind (I think I remember enough Hebrew), would that interest you? How would you like me to drink Manchechevitz from your sacred watering hole?

Want to bring a Jew into the embrace of a Jewess for the first time?

Jacob