Birdparty got this idiot to write poetry

Tortured Artist enjoys long walks on the beach

WM Seeks Ubersmart/Literate F Confident Enough to be NSA Slut
Reply to: anon-68747@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-12, 10:49PM EDT

Yes, this 47 WM is looking for a brilliant and literate female, any age, who has a great sex drive and is into stimulating NSA encounters. I am intelligent, professional, d- and d-free and waiting to hear from you.

Birdparty wrote:

I might be interested. Give me more details.

Bob wrote:

Thanks for writing. I'm a writer professionally and am super turned on by very intelligent females and, particularly, women who are into literature and/or are literate and culturally aware. I truly am interested in a very hot, no strings sort of situation. I believe they exist. And the idea of a brainy woman who is comfortable being a slut, as they say, with me is an absolute turn on. I'm smart and kind. 6'3", 260, dark brown hair with gray, green eyes. I'm in Park Slope. So, let me know if you wish to pursue further conversation.

Birdparty wrote:

Would you be interested in reenacting an Anais/Henry Miller/June Miller love triangle with my best friend Mindy?


Henry Miller: Tropic of Cock and Balls

Bob wrote:

While I know who Henry would be, which of you would be Anais and which would be June? Are you the artist's wife or the bored artist-turned-banker's wife? Would June support my artistic endeavors in Paris or prefer to allow me to continue to work away at them in Brooklyn? Also, would there be any of the sort of jealousy which consumed Anais-Henry-June? And do you and Mindy enjoy each other's company? Bob

Birdparty wrote:

I would be Anais and Mindy would be June. We greatly enjoy each other's company and while we would role play jealousy, I hope there is more than enough of you to go around. Do you have a picture you could send us? Mindy wants to see what you look like.

Bob wrote:

I don't have anything here, but would be glad to send a photo once I'm back at my computer at home. (Only Mindy wishes to see a photo?) Do you have photos of yourselves to share? Descriptions? Are you a writer? Mindy? Are either of you involved, other than with each other?

Birdparty wrote:

I don't have any pictures here at work either, of myself or Mindy. We are both very attractive though. We smoke heavily and that keeps the weight off. Just send the picture tonight.

Mindy is an intellectual slut. She is a groupie at the local non-chain coffee store and goes home with whoever reads their slam poetry that night, once she is tweaked on espresso. She is a total June. I once caught her trying to leave the house in a black beret and turtleneck but convinced her not to by calling her Monica and asking if she was looking to get a Gauloises shoved into her snatch.


Dildo or cigarette?

I, on the other hand, consider myself the slutty intellectual. I have read all of Anais's work, and someday if I ever have a daughter, her name will be Anais. I have plucked my eyebrows and drawn them back on just like Anais.

What about you? How are you Henry Miller? Please write in his style, and failing that, emulate Charles Bukowski.

Bob wrote:

Your email, my dear, is a howl. Really...trying to leave the house in a black beret...Gaulloises shoved into her snatch...perfect.

I can not write as Miller without effort, however, Bukowski is one of my literary idols and I try to emulate him in spirit, if not in fact. My style as a writer, though, is my own. Perhaps when we know each other a bit better, I can direct you to some of my creative nonfiction and short fiction, and you will understand what I'm talking about.

Meantime, a bit of poetry, in the style of Hank?

I sit
naked and alone in spring
at my desk

wondering
if Mindy left the house
in a black beret

or if she was too afraid
to go
because Anais told her
that a pervert
at the non-chain kaffehaus
would call her Monica
and stick Gaulloises
into her snatch

she has great legs
to frame that snatch

i light my cigarette
pour another drink
from the bottle in my drawer
hidden behind the reports
and documents
and a yellowed copy of Barely Legal

i never had sex
with
that woman

The thought crosses my mind that if this comes to pass, it would have the makings of wonderful short fiction. Maybe, it already does.

Birdparty wrote:

Oh no, it was fabulous, Bob! I was very impressed. Unlike Anais, we are not being paid by the word for our erotica, instead we are paid for our menial office work and can only find satisfaction on the side.

I'd love to hear more of your work, the more Bukowski-themed the better, and please be aware that I do not shy away from vulgarities and hope you won't either.


We all know where Bukowski's cigarette goes...

Bob wrote:

Well, fuck, then, you should have said so sooner! I certainly didn't think you would be the sort to shy away from vulgarities. Women with dirty mouths (and dirty minds) turn me on. As do women with an appreciation for sharp and gritty words. Both the ones that look the part and the ones that don't. Anais, to me at least, didn't--though it could be a function of the era.

Ah, yes, menial office work. Pays the rent. I have long made a living writing some words that I enjoy and many words that I do not. I try to make the current bastards pay for at least a week per month that I can dedicate to my own words. It allows me to do writing for which one is not well compensated. Until our inherent genius is noticed and we can, like Hank, ponder our nihilism surrounded by great creature comforts.

I'm serious about writing about this in a short fiction, or even creative non-fiction, way. It's got serious potential. Describe yourself, if you would, and would you care to share a first name?

I am attaching a photo from which you can decide that I am either (a). old and awful or (b). writerly and cute or (c). fill in the blank. I await further word and/or visuals of you and yours. I've been inspired enough, regardless, to be working on some new short fiction this evening. Bukowski themed.


Still at the beach

Birdparty wrote:

You're old and cute and writerly. How old are you again exactly? I'd love to find more of your Bukowski-themed work in my in box.

Bob wrote:

Thank you. I enjoy being old and cute and writerly, the latter two being that upon which I'd assume dwell, and the first being something about which I can do nothing but chuckle. I'm 46 (although in a pathetic attempt to conceal myself, I believe the ad and one of the emails said 47 or, even, 48. Leave it to me to age myself). Um, how old are you? And Mindy? Perhaps you'll write a bit more and share some details about who you are? Perhaps you could supply a photo so that I might experience pangs of desire unrelated to mental imagery (which is no doubt quite innacurate since I have virtually nothing with which to work)? I would be happy to deluge you with writtten work, and to direct you to spots where you could read TONS of my stuff online or even peruse my photography at some point. And, soon, direct you to the literary "sex and drugs" anthology that I'm involved in doing that should be printed soon.

As I said in my last email(s), I'd love to see a photo or, at least, get a better sense of you. I am totally devoid of detail--age, general occupation, general location--for all I know you are a well read guy in Bensonhurst named Vinnie who enjoys pretending to be Anais Nin and pimps out his girlfriend Connie as June Miller. :) Now, there's some serious kink for you.

I've been writing for a long time and have made my living as a journalist for most of that time. I write regularly for a couple of websites--both short fiction and creative nonfiction--and I'm helping to put together a "sex and drugs" literary anthology that should be published in May or June. And if I ever get time to think, I want to put together a volume of autobiographical creative nonfiction that I can assure you will be a good read.

Birdparty wrote:

I am 28 and I have a not-at-all fulfilling PR job whoring myself to my corporate masters. Mindy works as a topless cocktail waitress. We live in a one bedroom in Alphabet City and we share the same bedroom. We are very close like that.

Mindy is coming out of a deep depression and is just getting over the death of Hunter S. Thompson. It was particularly hard for her because he committed suicide, as did her favored literature professor in college. She only recently started waitressing again, and apparently her tips are down because she still has a somewhat sullen attitude with the customers. I think it would really help her spirits if you could write her some poetry that might put Hunter's death behind her and give her some closure.


Hunter S. Thompson when his head was in one piece

Bob wrote:

It was nice to hear from you. Now I know who I'm talking to. Both you and Mindy are very lovely, and I already know that you're smart and literarily substantive, so that's cool. You guys share a bedroom in a one bedroom? That's closeness. Is Mindy really working as a topless cocktail waitress? It sounds as though she would have some interesting things to write—or serve as a great character in some short fiction. Actually, as I've stated previously, my writer's instinct tells me that you'd both serve up some terrific inspiration.

I hear and feel your angst about working for corporate masters in order to make a living. There is major suckage involved in that. I've been working for a nonprofit trying to do good deeds with my words for a while, and there's a downside to all that too. I think the only way to be fulfilled, truly, is to have the wherewithal to do one's own thing. Indie. DIY. Etc.

I am swamped writing words today that leave me wonting for my nonprofit masters. However, I composed a few words for Mindy related to Dr. Thompson's passing, about which, I too was seriously depressed. Still, he was 65 and facing serious physical challenges and had contributed tremendously to our intellectual lives. He apparently had been really depressed about falling apart physically and about observing the fascist takeover of America masquerading as the Bush Administration. There are only so many times, I think, that one cares to go around the same track.


Praying for the death of Dr. Thompson

The poem is below, although if it suck or is not on target, no need to share.

We were somewhere
around Barstow
on the edge of the desert
when the drugs began to take hold.

Indeed.

She ponders these words
their meaning

The doctor gone
by his own hand
but on his own terms
the way
it should be

His legacy—
words
knowledge
wisdom
and the ability
to say

Fuck you

with a smile
and a sense of irony

She vows to smile
because
the dickheads
tip a lot better
when she smiles

They are so busy
lusting
after her tits
watching the sway of her hips
as she walks with their drinks

That they have no idea
she is a fan
of the Doctor

They do not know
what it means
to be gonzo

Because

They wouldn't know
the onset of drugs
in the desert
if this sensation came up
and bit them on their
little banker-lawyer-tourist-wannabe has been rock star brains
marinating in
Stoly

She laughs
knowingly
because

The joke is on them
The joke is on us

because

the doctor
did
it
his
way

after he'd said
most everything
he had to
say

Sooo...the poem was okay or not? Totally unrelated question--are either of you guys in New Order, playing at the Hammerstein on May 5 out of curiousity?

Birdparty wrote:

New Order the band? I have always been more of an INXS fan. When their lead singer died of autoerotic asphyxiation, it led me to try it a few times myself.

I loved your poem and printed out a copy for our fridge. Mindy is again masturbating regularly, I am pleased to report. Do you have any other sources of obscene inspiration?

Bob wrote:

Well, I am certainly glad to know that Mindy is using her fingers and any other devices of which she might be fond to bring herself erotic pleasure. Although, I must say that it beyond me that either of you should resort to autoerotic pursuits, unless it is strictly for extracurricular pleasure. I would hope that there would no shortage of nice men with talented tongues and hands and strong, capable erections interested in making sure that you are both satisfied. And that both of you, in turn, possess cunts of such tightness, wetness and warmth (not to mention mouths and talented hands) that your men are very, very satisfied.

I can write erotically for you (after clearing the decks of my own short fiction deadline tomorrow) if you provide me with some inuput as to your turnons, the positions you enjoy most, any intimate details about your respective cunts that would help, the sorts of cocks you like best (thick, long and thin, curved, etc), what you are like when you cum (quiet and trembly, loud and groany, screaming, spasming, etc.). In effect, if you can provide me with inspiration and detail, I will work hard not to disappoint you. Do you masturbate together? Masturbate each other? Have sex with each other? Share lovers? Have threesomes? I don't ask any of these questions solely for voyeuristic reasons. I am thinking of some customized obscene writing/inspiration here.